


With you from dusk till dawn

by AlmostAsGoodAs_I_do



Category: Sanvers - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: (Temporarily), Canon Divergence, Character Death, F/F, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Maggie Sawyer/Patty Spivot, Mentions of Blood, Sanvers Endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-07-16 13:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16087490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmostAsGoodAs_I_do/pseuds/AlmostAsGoodAs_I_do
Summary: In sickness and in health, for better and for worse. The worst can sometimes take the best of us but we gotta remember that we are simply better and stronger together.The second a tragedy hit Alex and Maggie, Alex swore revenge. Suffering from the consequences of her act, Alex and Maggie will need to find their way back to each other to heal.





	1. I want to touch you, I want to feel you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, here I am with a new story! It's quite different and I'm asking you to give this a chance and tell me what you guys think of this! I wasn't sure what to put for the rating and tags so if you guys feel I need to adjust something, feel free to tell me.  
> I hope you'll somewhat enjoy this, don't forget to leave feedback :)

Maggie slowly drifted away from her nightmare. So slowly, that for a fraction of a second, she believed none of it was real. But the invisible weight on her chest and the familiar ache surrounding her heart spoke the truth. It had happened. Three years ago. Precisely today.

The woman reached out to the right side of the bed, frowning, not quite sure what-or who she was looking for, even if deep down she knew, and felt instead a crisp piece of paper against her fingertips. Barely lifting her hand, she dragged it on the comforter until it almost hit her nose.

_**I know you want to be left alone today so I won't reach out. Just know that I am here anyway. Coffee is fresh and the fridge is full. Take care of yourself, please. xX** _

The note would have usually made her smile, but not today. She didn't have the energy, never mind the heart. Maggie gulped down a multitple of emotions, tracing the x of her girlfriend's note. The thing was, it wasn't that she wanted to be left alone, truth was the person she wanted, needed today of all days, she couldn't have her.

Maggie decided to get up despite not wanting to move at all. She skidded to her wardrobe's open door and stood on her tiptoe, swallowing past jokes and memories as she fumbled through old clothes, finally finding what she was looking for. A grey hoodie that once belonged to Alex. The once upon time popping blue of the Nasa logo was now slightly chipped of, thankfully not completely faded. Maggie put it over her head and smiled briefly, her skin enjoying the comfy material that was a weak substitute of her ex-wife's arms.

The tired woman sighed and dragged her feet to smallest room of the apartment. Taking a deep breath, she stayed still for a moment, her hand on the wood as if it would calm her heart. She didn't fight the tears as she opened the door, expecting the smell of her daughter to hit her. But nothing came. Only old cartons containing her stuff, a thin layer of dust on them. She tried to contain herself but rushed anyway to open most of them, looking for one specific item.

Her mind was racing and her hands were itching to get everything out. It was the first year that everything her daughter owned was boxed. Storaged. Away from her eyes. Never from her heart. The months after Alex was gone, Maggie had slept in their little girl's twin bed for more than a year until Eliza had carefully suggested to maybe sell the house and live elsewhere. Maggie had lost it and had started to break things until she had fell down in the middle of the living room in the arms of her mother in law. In the middle of the place that held her family's most cherished memories.

It had been a year since her days of chasing down drinks had been over. And apparently, her days of chasing down her daughter's ghost had to be over too. But days like today were just a reminder that life had been unfair and had moved on and that if Maggie did the same, she would be crushed by the guilt, by the possibility that it meant her little girl's death was okay.

None of it was okay.

But she had eventually moved out and sell the house, packing up her daughter's and ex-wife's stuff to bring with her. For her sanity. What was left of it anyway.

Maggie finally found it. The bright blue dragon plush with stars on his back and haphazard rainbow hair. She quickly buried her nose in it, getting a small but still there draft of her beautiful girl's scent. She remembered Mara's giggles when the six year old girl at the time, had told her and Alex that the dragon's name was Billy Blue.

Billy Blue had been the token of proof that Mara was now comfortable in the Danvers household, half a year after Alex and Maggie had adopted her. Billy Blue was the first thing that Mara had deliberately asked them for, stating that the dragon was just like her. Feared of because of the power of fire they held. Mara was half-human, half-infernian and had came into their lives in the form of a case, but both Alex and Maggie had agreed that the little girl wouldn't get lost between the cracks of a flawed system.

The ex-detective kept the stuffed animal close to her chest as she walked out of the room to finally head toward the kitchen. She sat Billy on the counter beside her sobriety token that her girlfriend had probably put on along with a mug.

She took the bronze chip marked one year and played with it, rolling it between her digits like she used to do with her wedding ring. Now the silver band was tucked safely in the leather of her wallet between her family picture and unfulfilled promises. The token reminded her of Alex and their daughter going to the town fair. It became a tradition with time, going every year for Mara's birthday. And her last birthday had been no different. Except for the ending. The ending would haunt her forever.

Maggie was startled out of her thoughts when her phone rang. She recalled where she was, what a phone was, then wondered who would dare to call her on this day. Her eyes seeked the clock on the oven and realized it was ten. She rushed to her cellphone, almost dropping it on the floor because her hands were shaking too much. Her thumb pressed the green button and she held her breathe.

**"An inmate from the National City correctional facility is trying to contact you. Do you accept the charges?"**

Hearing the usual message, Maggie accepted as she walked to the very small dining table, sitting down, her knees up to her chest with Billy Blue against it. She could hear a small crack on the other side of the line and slow breathing.

"Alex?" Maggie called out.

The nervous woman waited patiently, not knowing if today she would get to hear her ex-wife's voice. Alex would call almost every month or so for the smallest excuses. On Valentine's Day, on her birthday, on their wedding anniversary. Sometimes, she would talk. Most of the time, she wouldn't.

"Hey." Maggie said softly, slowly. "I hope things are going as okay as they can be. I, um, I hope you're eating the shit they give you and that you're..." she trailed off, her fingertips against her eyelids, hating that for the past two years and a half, the woman she loved had been in prison.

"She would have been 14, Mags.'' Alex cut her off.

Maggie stiffled a sob, briefly putting the phone away. She brought it back quickly, knowing she didn't have much time. She never did.

"I know, baby." she whispered, not even caring that the pet name slipped off. "I know. She would have started soccer this year because she finally had control over her powers. She would have gone to archery's camp like Lena did when she was her age."

"I wish we would have let her play anyway." Alex's small but curt voice cut her in.

Maggie sighed, knowing the feeling, the regret.

"I know. She did play with us though and with her cousins." Maggie replied softly. "Speaking of, Kara said you don't want to talk to them or about them anymore. They miss their aunt, you know."

"And I miss my babygirl." Alex replied sharply, a muffered sob masking the bitterness and showing the pain. "I can't look at them, Mags. I can't hear about their school projects or their first crushes."

Maggie nodded to herself, taking a deep breath. She understood, of course she did, but Alex had slowly pushed everybody away after her trial. Even herself.

_Everybody stood still in the courtroom. Maggie couldn't feel her hand. She didn't know if Eliza or her was holding on to the other the hardest but god, Maggie couldn't for the life of her let her go._

_Maggie couldn't tear her eyes away from her wife. Her beautiful wife standing in an orange jumpsuit, her hands hiding beneath the brown desk. Alex didn't even listen to what was happening, simply staring at her and Maggie just wanted to get up and hold her. There was something behind Alex's sad smile as if she knew her sentence already, as if she was ready for it. But Maggie wasn't. She never would be. She couldn't fathom the idea of spending the rest of her life without her daughter and her wife._

_Everything slowed down as the words hit Maggie. Guilty of first degree murder. Life imprisonment. She felt Eliza sagged against her. The destroyed woman bent over her knees, sobs washing over her, her long dark hair not even hiding her tears. She didn't know for how long she sat there, holding on to the wedding band on her necklace, until she heard her name. She would recognize that voice anywhere._

_Maggie lifted her head and saw Alex pushed past the guards, trying to reach her. The crowd moved out of the way as the cops rushed to grab the criminel. But her wife didn't care as her cuffed hands held her face and kissed her, not giving a fuck about the snot and the tears._

_"I'm sorry, Maggie. Fuck, I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay, Mags. Alright? You don't worry about me, okay? Promise, you won't!" Alex rambled, kissing Maggie's face a couple more times._

_Maggie couldn't move, trying to just hold Alex closer and to breathe through the pain. Her face was burning, each spot her wife's lips touched hurting her as if she was being stabbed with a knife._

_The guards grabbed Alex and hurled her back, pushing her down on the floor. Maggie's vision still didn't clear up, struggling to breathe and to stay up on her feet. She felt Kara and Eliza holding her up, but Maggie just wanted to let herself fall and never get up again. So she did. She reached out to push her wife's hair away but the guards lifted her up and dragged her away from her. Maggie could see her lips moving._

_"Mom, take care of her please. You all take care of each other." Alex said and Maggie was mad that she couldn't hear her voice. "I'm sorry, Mags. I really am. I love you."_

And Alex had tried to keep them all at arms' length but they didn't give up and neither did Maggie. But one day, she had gone to visit her wife but was informed that Alex had took her off the visitors list. She had broke down in the parking lot until Jonn had came to pick her up. He had drove her home and she had spent the night crying in her daughter's bed, holding on to everything around her and to the bottle of Jack in her arms. The next morning, Jonn had waited for her in the kitchen.

_Maggie pushed away her untouched plate, not in the mood to eat, but to drink and to fight._

_"I need to know what's inside her head, Jonn. She's my wife and she's shutting me out!" Maggie snapped, coursing her hands through her hair "I have no idea how to get through this without her. And I miss her so much. I miss my babygirl. I need to hold her one more time, Jonn."_

_Maggie cried for the thousand time, burying her face in her hands. She could feel Jonn's arms around her, pulling her in._

_"I'm so sorry, Maggie. But Alex's mind is...her thoughts are so heavy and dark. I can't barely stand being near her. It reminds me too much of my own daughters." the old man admitted tiredly._

_Maggie couldn't stand anymore and fell against Jonn's chest, sobbing in his arms._

_"How in hell did you survive that?" she weeped, her fingers curled into fists against his stomach._

_The man hugged her closer and kissed the top of her head. Maggie felt a another wave of anguish and sadness cutting her breath._

_"With time, Maggie. With time."_

Maggie came back to the present, thinking about Alex's words. She understood how hard it was to hear about their nieces and nephews's latest antics when they wouldn't see Mara grow anymore, but she would never be able to shut them out. They actually helped her in a way.

"I know, I know. I get it, Alex. Trust me, I do. Let's talk about something else. Are you sleeping? Your mom mentioned how pale and tired you looked at her last visit."

Alex stayed quiet for a few seconds and Maggie wondered if this was it for the day. Sometimes, Alex could talk through a whole conversation and other times, she could cut herself off in the middle of a sentence and Maggie had to fill the void.

"Don't worry about me." Alex insisted for the million time in the past two years.

Maggie looked at the ceiling for a second, sighing at her ex-wife's stubborness. She didn't know her well if she thought she wouldn't worry about her.

"Do you need money for your commissary?" Maggie asked, already knowing what Alex would say.

"I have everything I need, Mags." Alex replied, not surprising Maggie.

The ex-detective didn't know if it was the shorten name that made her snap, but she could hear something different in Alex's tone today and she couldn't figure out what it was. It had been so long since she last saw her.

"What about what I need?" Maggie retorted curtly, her thumb scratching the skin where her wedding band used to be.

"Maggie..."

"No, Alex! I...I need to see you, I did my best to respect your decision but it's been so long, I..."

Maggie lost track of what she wanted to say. She was always so careful with her words to not trigger her ex-wife, causing her to pull away.

"It's not a good time, Maggie. Nor a good idea. I, go back to your girlfriend, okay? Seriously, don't worry about..."

 **'You have thirty second left'** the recorded message announced them.

Maggie leaned over the table, the air being sucked out of her lungs whenever she heard these words.

"No, Alex, wait. Listen to me. You stay out of trouble, okay? You eat, try to sleep and you take care of yourself." Maggie rushed to say "And put me back on the visitors list." she ordered shakily. "Just do this for me. Please. I lo..." 

The call ended abruptly and Maggie started to cry again, her head against the table, pulling Billy Blue close to her heart.


	2. Only you that can stop it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapter in a week, don't get used to it ;) I want to thank all of you who read, left kudos and comments. Truly encouraging and probably the reason why I'm already giving you chapter 2!  
> Enjoy and leave feedback :)

Alex clutched the phone tightly in her hand and resisted the urge to smash it against the dirty concrete wall. She stayed there for five seconds. To blink the tears away. To remember her ex-wife's voice. To forget her pleas. To focus on the meaningless words scratched into the stone. To breathe her heart back into place.

"Danvers. Move it!" Officer Hill ordered her.

She put the greasy phone back and walked away from the women waiting in line. A small but muscular inmate stood in her way, her tattooed arm leaning across the threshold. Alex rolled her eyes and licked her lips, forcing herself to stay calm.

"Was that the wife, ghosty? How's Detective Sawyer doing these days?" the half-black, half-blond haired woman chimed in, smirking at her.

Alex closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side, causing her neck to crack. She tried to focus on that but Glory always found a way to get under her nerves and as always, all she had to do was to talk about Maggie.

"Hey, don't go off talking to ghosts just yet, I asked you a question!" Glory snapped.

The fired up woman thought back of her ex-wife's request to see her. God, it would be so good to see her. Visitation day was in a couple of days and she shouldn't mess that up by starting a fight with the short-haired woman.

"I think you forgot what happened the last time you talked about her, Glorya." Alex stated calmly between her teeth "Or do you need a scar beneath your right eye this time?"

Glory sneered and nodded, coming closer to her but Officer Hill called them out.

"Mendez, Danvers, beat it. Back to your bloc!"

Glory lifted her hands up and backed up slowly.

"I didn't forget what you did, ghosty, so I sure as hell hope you don't forget what _I_ said." the small woman winked at her, snickered and turned her back on her.

_Alex entered her cell to retrieve her shower kit, but her eye caught a half-ripped picture on the floor in front of her bed. She rushed to it, picking it up. Alex's insides flared up, realizing someone touched and destroyed the photo of her wife and daughter._

_The angry woman looked around the room, trying to find the part with Maggie but let out a yell of frustration, seeing it was missing. She turned around when her cellmate came in. She grabbed her by the arm and pushed her on the floor before dropping her fist on her jaw. Angel screamed out of pain and pushed Alex away._

_"What the fuck, you crazy bitch?!" Angel retorted, before crawling away when Alex moved to grab her again. "Hey, hey, I did not touch your stuff! Watch it, girl!"_

_Alex took a moment to breathe, feeling her skin burn. She stood up, pushing her hair back. The top was getting slightly longer and soon she would need to tie it._

_"Who did this, then?" Alex asked slowly through her teeth._

_Angel lifted herself up on her bed, wiping the small trail of blood off her mouth. She shook her head and scoffed._

_"Who do you think? The bitch that spitted in your food during your first week. I don't know what's her specific problem with you or what she's trying to prove, but I would stay away from her." Angel told her._

_Alex went back to her own bed, carefully putting Mara's picture back on the wall. She traced the empty space beside her beautiful girl, angry that an inmate had took the only picture of her wife._

_"You don't know me, but I don't walk away. She took something from me and I'm gonna get it back." Alex replied somewhat calmly, recalling the inmate that made her first week in prison even more awful._

_She heard Angel scoff behind her._

_"Oh great, I truly got a basket case for a cellmate. That's a shame 'cuz you're hot, ghosty."_

_Alex rolled her eyes at the name. She only had been there for a couple of months and already people had pegged her. Alex was aware that sometimes at night, they heard her talk to Mara. She knew how it looked like, but she couldn't care less._

_"You're not my type, Angel. Besides, I'm married." Alex reminded the other woman._

_"Don't be so picky, girl. You think you're gonna stay in here and never touch anybody again?"_

_Alex turned back toward Angel, though she didn't look at her. She grabbed her shower kit along with a towel. On second thoughts, she bend in front of Angel's bed, her face a couple of inches away from hers._

_"Oh, I'm gonna touch people, alright. They're gonna remember me and regret messing with me."_

_Angel smirked and shook her head._

_"Shit, girl, you're insane and I love it. But I'm serious, you mess with Glory's crew and you're dead."_

_Alex licked her lips and nodded, now knowing the inmate's name. She remembered her and the few girls hanging around her. They were maybe seven._

_"Not if I teach them a lesson. You can spread the word if you want. You think you're doing me a favor, but really people won't dare causing you trouble after they hear I'm with you." Alex explained, shrugging._

_She had promised her family to keep a low profile, but that Glory had took Maggie's picture and Alex wouldn't let that slide._

Alex's jaw twitched as she fought the urge to run after Glory to smash her head into the nearest wall. She breathed methodically, calming down slowly as she mindlessly walked the hallways to reach her bloc.

She entered her cell when she felt an arm around her hips. In one swift movement, she turned around and grabbed the hand of her attacker and twisted it inward, threatening to break it as she raised her forearm in the throat of the dirty-blond haired woman in front of her.

"How many times have I told you to not sneak up on me, Angel?" Alex sighed, letting her go.

Her slightly younger cellmate snorted, grabbing Alex's hips once more to pull her closer.

"And how many times have I told you that I like your hands on me, Danvers?" she replied, licking her lips.

Alex smiled tightly, leaning in before locking the woman's chin between her fingers.

"And as always, I'm telling you that this is not gonna happen, you and me." Alex repeated through her teeth, pulling back harshly toward her bed.

In the whole 36 months she had been there, Alex had let someone touch her once. She had been so vulnerable and the second it had ended, Alex had crashed down into a crying fit, the guilt and the regret gnawing at her. The brief relief hadn't been worth the quiet rage she had found herself falling into. So from then on, she had fucked this woman back to lower tension and her aggressivity but she didn't let her lay a hand or her lips on her. And if the whole thing had started when her mom had informed her that Maggie was seeing someone, it was a pure coincidence. _Except it wasn't._

"Come on, Alex. I'm the only one in here that is treating you fairly." Angel argued.

Alex lifted an eyebrow at that, looking at her over her shoulder, not bothering to tell her that the other person that treated her accordingly wasn't an inmate but someone in the staff.

"So, I'm suppose to fuck you to thank you, then?" Alex challenged her "There's so many girls that want a shot with you, why do you bother with me?"

"Hey. You were so fucking rough when you came in here. So lonely and mopey. I took you in so the others wouldn't eat you alive. It never occured to you that I actually like you? The other girls are such animals."

Alex snorted, shaking her head.

"We ain't saint despite your cheap nickname, Angel. We're all animals. This is pretty simple. You're just not the one that I want."

Angel laughed bitterly and lifted her hands up in surrender, giving up.

"The one that you want? You know you'll never get her back, right?" Angel commented before leaving the cell.

_Alex passed by Officer Riordan and entered the shower room. She put down her stuff and waited ten seconds, hearing the guard walk away for the shift exchanges. The charged woman walked in the middle of the room, coming behind Glory that was just taking off her shirt._

_"I believe you have something that belong to me." Alex stated, more than ready to fight as Glory turned around with a grin, half-naked._

_She searched into her pockets while her crew circled them. Alex's fingers twitched as she kept an eye on all of them. Glory finalled pulled out the half-ripped photo and laughed, waving it in front of her._

_"You talking about this bitch?" Glory piped up as she bumped her fist against her friend's._

_Alex froze, being blinded by the rage for half a second before she recalled Jonn's training about taking in the the whole room surrounding her and it every details. Four of the girls were barefoot against the wet tiles as two others were still washing their bodies under the showerhead. The last one was standing slightly in front of Glory, glaring at her._

_"You call her that one more time and you won't have a tongue to speak with." Alex threatened nonchalantly._

_Everybody laughed and Glory shook her head, dripplets of water flying around._

_"I don't think you're in a position to make threats here. You see, I knew I recognized the woman that visited you that very first week. I finally managed to sneak into your room to take this picture to be sure and you can imagine my surprise when I realized that ghosty is married to a cop." Glory told her with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Not just any cop, but the one that put me in here. What's her name, again? Oh yeah, my contact told me it was Maggie Sawyer."_

_Alex swallowed the information, nodding briefly, Maggie's name scorching her throat. Nobody moved, nobody smiled anymore as Glory took an improvised shiv off the back of her pants and walked past her guard toward Alex._

_"So, you might want to take back your words, ghosty, cuz I intend to keep the photo to memorize every details of her face so when I get out of here, I'll go find her and fuck her up." Glory smiled tightly, pressing her words by pointing at her with her shiv._

_Alex's jaw tightened and her arms stayed still by her sides as she evaluated the situation._

_"I think you misunderstood me, Glorya. May I call you Glorya? Cuz, let's be honest, Glory is a fucking stupid name. I'm taking my wife's picture back and you're gonna pay for taking it in the first place. And you're gonna regret saying her name."_

_Glory's face hardened, not liking Alex's tone._

_"You're in here for a lifetime, ghosty. I'll be out long before that and that bitch is gonna pay for putting me in here."_

_"I warned you." Alex simply replied._

_She grabbed the smaller woman's wrist that held the knife and knocked her head against hers. Glory groaned, grabbing her nose as Alex kicked her in the stomach with her knee. She grabbed the shiv and put in the back of her pant before landing a kick in Glory's guard. The girl went down hard on the tiles and Alex slid down to make an inmate fall. She grabbed her hand and rolled them over, punching her in the face. She stood up and grabbed the back of the short black-haired girl that was under the water and knocked her head on the wall as her friend came at her, hitting her on the cheek. Alex spitted the water that entered her mouth and took a few steps back._

_Alex jumped on the wall to heightened the strength of her punch, knocking down girl number 5. The two remaining attacked her at once, landing a couple of punches and kicks on her torso and legs. In the chaos, Alex managed to slip off her shirt and used it to enroll the fist of girl number 6. Using the woman's strong stance, she lifted herself off to kick the last girl away before pulling down the inmate with her hand still stuck in her shirt. She punched her stomach and brought her leg over the attacker's throat, squeezing and suffocating her until she passed out._

_The last girl stood back up and Alex followed her lead, her hands up. As the girl charged at her, Alex simply turned onto herself and kicked the woman on her jaw, causing her to drop down, unconscious._

_Alex breathed heavily and smirked as she slowly walked toward Glory, taking a second to punch her guard in the throat to make sure she wouldn't get up again. She grabbed the smaller woman by her hair and pulled her up under a showerhead, causing her to choke on the water. Glory pushed her away and moved but Alex caught her again, taking the shiv out of her back, drawing it on her throat._

_"Where are you going, Glorya? I thought we were having a little talk, you and me, huh? Cuz that's all it better be, talk. Because this right here," Alex said, moving the shiv under the woman's left eye ''is nothing compared to what I'll do to you if you say her name again."_

_Glory glared at her, before looking toward the entrance of the shower room. Alex heard the officer's steps as well and put her hand over the inmate's mouth._

_"Shh, shh. I'm not done, yet. Like you said, I'm stuck here for a lifetime so I don't care if I have to kill you or every of your buddies to make sure that nobody touch my wife." Alex declared between her teeth. "And just to make sure this will get through your skull, I'll leave you a little something to remember me by."_

_Alex cut the skin under her eye to the middle of her cheek. Glory creaked under her hand and Alex finally let her go, bending down to pick Maggie's picture off the floor. She wiped the water off of it and drew her wife's smile with her fingertip._

_The enraged woman picked up her things and walked away to the next shower room, salutating the officer on her way out. She put Maggie's picture on the bench and enjoyed the quietness of the shower, appreciating that she was alone. She opened the water and washed the blood off her body. Alex knew it was just a matter of time before the guards dragged her off to solitary confinement so she chose to take the most of it._

_"I'm sorry, Mags." Alex whispered as she took the decision to take her wife off the visitor's list._

Alex swallowed and turned back toward her bed and sighed when she saw Mara sitting there, waiting for her. Alex smiled and rejoined her carefully.

"Don't listen to her." her daughter objected, rolling her piercing grey eyes.

Alex crossed her legs, facing her teenage daughter. Her long bright pink hair were a bit disheveled as if she was back from a bike ride and Alex was dying to comb them like she used to do.

"She has a point." Alex said, shrugging.

Mara laid down on the hard bed and frowned up at her mom.

"Mama still love you."

Alex struggled to breathe, never getting tired of her daughter's voice despite it all being a fragment of her imagination. She laid down by her side and took in Mara's scent.

"It doesn't matter. I'm still in here and she's still out there." Alex sighed.

The woman felt a cold surrounding her body and wished she could recreate the warmth of Mara's hands like when she used to light up the fireplace.

"Of course, it matters. And it wouldn't be the case if you'd let her in." Mara insisted.

Alex looked to her right and tried to count down the freckles on her daughter's cheekbones. She didn't voice out the fact that Maggie now had a girlfriend and that she was out there, trying to live her life. It's all she wanted for her. It was too late for her anyway.

The tired woman winced, clutching her side as she coughed. She turned toward the small gargabe can and spit up in it. Ripping bits of the toilet paper, she wiped her mouth and swallowed, hating the metallic taste. She threw the bloody paper in the can and laid back down, shivering.

"You really should tell mama about this. She would want to help." Mara said frustratingly.

Alex opened her eyes, looking up at the ghost of her daughter. She lifted her hand, pushing her hair away behind her ear.

"I know, babygirl. That's what I'm afraid of."


	3. Can you feel where the wind is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you for leaving feedback. Life can be rough sometimes but when I come here and see that people enjoyed what I wrote, it truly makes my day. I hope you'll like this one as well. A few questions will be answered, but you'll have to be patient ;)
> 
> I don't own any of the characters except mine.

_Maggie opened her eyes and blinked, a sticky warm liquid stuck to her eyelid. She brought her hand down and wiped off the substance off her eye and temple. She tried to move but cried out in pain, her upper body hurting in a way it never had before. She tried to stabilize herself, a hand up on the ceiling and another down on her seat. The stunned woman coughed and eventually gasped, recalling being in the car with her family when a truck ran smack into them._

_The smoke was burning her nose along with the smell of gas. She looked around, dizzy from the blood in her head, being upside down. She looked to her right and cried, seeing Alex unconscious behind the wheel, drops of blood falling noisily on the roof._

_"Alex..." Maggie creaked out before clearing her throat. "Alex? Mara, sweetie, are you okay?!"_

_She tried to look over her shoulder but could only see her daughter's pink hair, her face completely hidden. Maggie groaned and reached out to her wife, shaking her shoulder._

_"Babe, come on, wake up, I need you!" Maggie shouted through her teeth. "Mara, you hold on, sweetie, alright? Mama is gonna help you, babygirl."_

_Maggie coughed again and choked up, the warm blood drowning her. She spitted and gasped for air, the sound finally waking up Alex. The woman inhaled sharply and looked around alarmingly._

_"Hey, hey, breathe, baby. We...we got hit by a car." Maggie managed to say, fighting the urge to throw up._

_Alex looked at her, her eyes wide and terrified, before reaching out toward the backseat._

_"Mara, can you talk to us? Are you hurt, baby?" Alex called out._

_The silence was deafening and Maggie couldn't hold back the tears anymore._

_"She's not answering us, Alex!" she cried, starting to panic, fumbling around to undo her belt._

_She felt Alex's hands on her face. Maggie turned to look at her and they shared a moment of silence, of strength._

_"We got this. I'm gonna get us out, okay?" Alex assured with confidence despite the fear in her eyes._

_Maggie nodded and looked around the car, trying to find one of their cellphones. Her eyes rolled at the back of head and Maggie struggled to keep her eyes open._

_"Hey, hey! You stay with me, okay? I'm gonna get us out!" Alex repeated._

_The tired woman moved her head and heard her wife curse, mumbling the words internal bleeding. Through her blurry sight, she saw Alex cut off her belt._

_"Take care of her first, Al. Take a look at Mara." she whispered slowly._

_She saw the dilemma on her wife's face but Alex eventually nodded, crawling to the back of the car. Maggie grumbled, smelling gas and decided to try to take herself out of the car. She reached down and unlocked her seatbelt, immediately crashing against the roof._

_"Maggie?! Dammit!" she heard Alex say._

_The woman winced as she tried to reach the broken window, cutting her palm on the glass. She felt Alex grab her under her armpits and pulled her out of the car, groaning from the weight. Maggie fell back against her wife's chest and looked up to her and the dark sky, the soft breeze feeling out of place._

_"...m'sorry."_

_Alex shook her head and pushed her hair away, the tears falling on her tasting like dust. She then scrabbled Maggie's jacket and retrieved her cellphone. The woman slipped off from under her wife and went back to the car, the phone between her ear and her shoulder._

_Maggie laid there and rolled over her stomach, looking at the wrecked car. She struggled to breathe, blood still pouring out of her mouth, noticing that Mara took most of the hit. A weight sat down on her chest and Maggie looked around, finally seeing the parked pick-up not far from their car._

_"She's barely conscious and have a weak pulse, Maggie!"_

_Maggie looked back toward Alex as she opened the crippled door, squatting down to touch their daughter's face._

_"Mom...my? Mama?" the girl breathed out so low, they almost couldn't hear her "Hurt so much. Am. So. Tired."_

_The still lying woman started to crawl toward her family, the physical pain not even coming close to what she was feeling at the emptiness in her daughter's voice. She barely heard her wife talking on the phone when Maggie saw a man getting out of his pick-up with a gun in hand._  
_She patted her sides but couldn't find her own weapon. Maggie spitted some more blood, trying to call out Alex's attention._

_"Alex...move. Al?! She croaked out._

_The man lifted his hand just as Alex turned around, empty-handed._

_"ALEX!" Maggie yelled, trying to move._

_But then a ball of fire pushed her wife out of the way and Maggie watched, horrified as her daughter used her last remnant of energy to lift her hand toward the man, flames pouring out of it._

_"MARA!" both Alex and Maggie screamed but it was too late as the gunshot rang, the teenager sinking back in her seat, blood pouring out of her chest._

_A wall of fire separated them from the running man but Alex ignored him, rushing to Mara's side, unfastening her seatbelt and dragging her outside by Maggie's side. The woman cried as she took off her jacket, pressing the wound on their daughter's small body._

_"No, no, no, no, babygirl. You stay with us, Mara. You hear me? God, I can't lose you, baby. We can't..." Alex sobbed in Mara's hair._

_Maggie was holding tightly to her daughter's hand, crying against her arm, feeling the warmth of her powers slowly dissipating, replaced with a distinguable cold._

_"No, Mara, no. We love you baby. We love you so much." Maggie whispered through her tears._

_She felt Mara's fingertip on her forearm, messy letters forming slowly until she looked up at them with the tiniest smile and undying love in her grey eyes._  
_And just like that, she was gone._

Maggie finished her cup of coffee and winced, wishing it had some alcohol in it. The phone call had drained her and boosted her at the same time. She knew there was something different with Alex but she couldn't figure out what it was. God, she could only hope Alex would listen to her and allow her to come visit her. The ex-detective turned around, startled, when her window flew open. She put a hand against her heart as Supergirl stood in her living room, crinkle in place.

"What the hell, Kara? Couldn't you use the door?" she chastised her. 

Kara approached her gravelly and shook her head. Maggie gulped with difficulty, not liking the intensity in her blue eyes.

"Kara, I'm fine. You didn't have to check up on me." Maggie sighed.

The superhero's eyes zoomed in on Billy Blue and smiled sadly, reaching out for him. Maggie fought the urge to slap her hand away.

"Rao, she loved that thing." the blonde whispered with tears threatening to fall.

Maggie hugged herself, looking down on the floor, not able to witness the pain and the loss on the face of her ex-sister-in-law.

"My sister called you, didn't she?" Kara eventually asked.

The surprised woman lifted her head and nodded briefly, not understand where Kara was going with this.

"Did she actually talk? Did she say something?" she questioned further.

"Kara, out with it. What do you mean exactly? What's going on?" Maggie countered.

The blonde hero sighed heavily and toyed with her red cape. The dark blue costume that didn't have a skirt anymore was perfect as usual but Maggie knew that the woman in front of her at the moment was Kara Danvers, the worried sister.

"Alex made us promise to not tell you and we fought her, Maggie. We said you deserved the truth. But you know my sister, she's so stubborn!" Kara complained, lifting her hands up.

Maggie's head spinned, wondering what the hell she was talking about. She walked around the counter, facing the younger Danvers girl.

"What happened with Alex, Kara? Is she okay?" Maggie whispered, her voice shaking.

Kara hesitated, putting her hands on her hips. For a moment, she breathed, looking up and down, the tears falling down her cheeks.

"A month ago, Alex was stabbed in the yard and thankfully, Dr. Tancredi was on shift and asked for Alex to be transferred to a real hospital. I think they both had their suspicions and..."

"Kara!" Maggie cut off her rambling, the worry making her tremble. "Their suspicions about what?"

She couldn't believe she wasn't even aware that Alex had been hurt in the yard. She dugged her nails into her hips, afraid of what will come out of Kara's mouth.

"She's sick, Maggie." the hero announced her.

Maggie blinked, her heart dropping at her feet. She breathed shakily, sitting down on a nearby chair, haven't completely assimilate the information yet.

"What...what do you mean, exactly?" she managed to ask, her head dizzying itself with every possible scenario's.

Kara sat down in front of her and swallowed loudly, her own hands shaking as they reached for Maggie's.

"Alex's body is...It's like cancer, but her body is full of kryptonite."

The ex-detective sagged even further in the chair, briefly aware of Kara's muffled sob. Maggie covered her mouth as if it would physically stop the yell of frustration, of helplessness, of pain. Raw freaking pain laced with love and regrets.

"Um, is there...there's gotta be something we can do, I...maybe not the regular doctors but the DEO..." Maggie mumbled to herself.

Kara cried even more, squeezing her ex sister-in-law's hands. She tugged her close and hid her face in the brunette's neck.

"That's the thing, Maggie. Eliza came up with a plan, with a program but Alex refuse to do it." Kara told her, her whole body shaking.

Maggie instinctively wrapped her arms around the girl and tightened her jaw in anger. Oh, now she was pissed. She couldn't believe Alex's selfishness. She didn't understand at all even if a part of her did. God, she needed to see her, to confront her about this.

"It's all my fault, Maggie! I'm the reason Alex was around kryptonite her whole life and I wasn't there when my niece needed me. I wasn't there to save Mara.

And now my sister wants to rejoin her. I'm so sorry, Maggie." Kara rambled through her tears.

Maggie pulled away and lifted Kara's head, a firm but comforting hand on the back of her neck.

"That's enough, Kara." she told her, numbly. "Breathe, okay? It's not your fault. Your parents insisted for Alex to look out for you. Jonn recruited her when she was at her lowest. She became a badass agent and would have done anything for you. And for Mara." she added shakily "And she did and I'm certain she doesn't regret any of it."

The Latina half-believed what she said. The blame could be on everyone really but it wouldn't change anything. She was so tired that nothing could be changed but oh, this time, she wouldn't let Alex do this. She wouldn't let her go this easily.

_Maggie woke up, wincing and groaning, the pain coursing through her body. She reached out to her right and grabbed the small remote and pressed the red button, breathing heavily through her teeth as she waited for the morphine to ease the burn in her stomach._

_She looked around the hospital room, looking for her wife and felt a dread filling her up when she realized that Alex was gone, her leather jacket missing on the chair by the bed. The room was dark and cold and Maggie wished that Mara was there to light up the room and keep her warm. What she would give to have her in her arms again._

_She couldn't believe it had been one week already since they lost her._

_Maggie looked down at her wrist and blinked as the tears blinded her for a moment. Her trembling fingers touched the homemade bracelet Mara had made for her a couple of weeks ago for Mother's Day. Her beautiful girl had also given one to Alex, similar in it shape but the colors different. But now, both bracelets were around her wrist, meaning Alex had slipped off hers and tied it around her while Maggie was asleep._

_Maggie had a bad feeling about this. She turned slightly on her side and fumbled around, seeking the phone. She grabbed the old mobile telephone and cried as she dialed Alex's number._

_"Please, Alex, pick up. Pick up, pick up." Maggie mumbled, the phone still ringing._

_"Mags?" Alex's voice came in, rough and tired._

_The woman sighed out of brief relief, she brought the phone closer and breathed through the pain._

_"Al? Where are you?" she asked._

_She could hear cars passing by and the wind picking up. Her wife seemed to be in the streets._

_"I'm outside, babe. I needed some air." Alex said._

_Her tone was slow and off. Maggie was starting to panic, thinking back of the darkness in Alex's eyes when she first woke up a couple of days ago. Maggie rushed to get up, her injury stopping her as she gasped out of pain._

_"Alex, whatever you're about to do. Don't do it." Maggie plead as her eyes searched the place to find her jeans._

_She heard her wife inhaled and exhaled, her own gasp of pain slipping through her lips._

_"I have to, Mags. He's gonna get away with it otherwise. I can't let that happen, you know I can't."_

_Maggie stopped abruptly, holding herself up against the bed. She couldn't control anything. Her grief, her injury, the tears and the consuming fear._

_"I'm begging you, Alex, don't do this. Please, don't make me lose you too. If you do this, I'll never forgive you."_

_She waited impatiently, already regretting the words, wishing she had told her other ones instead. Maggie heard her wife revving up her motorcycle, her shaky breath getting lost in the sound along with her breaking heart._

_"It's okay." Alex finally said, dejected "I'll never forgive myself anyway."_


	4. Just tryna be in this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't thank you enough for the love, kudos and comments!!! Here's a new chapter for you all. As always, I apologize for the mistakes and I don't own characters except for a few. Enjoy everyone and please don't kill me.

"Now, you're gonna tell me why on earth nobody told me that my wife is sick." Maggie asked curtly, standing up.

Kara looked away as Maggie paced around the apartment.

 

"She's not your wife anymore." Kara mumbled softly.

Maggie turned around as if she was electrocuted.

"You know I never gave a damn about a piece of paper!" Maggie snapped, pointing at the blonde "You know that I still care about her. I deserved to know."

Kara nodded and shrugged, sighing deeply.

"I know that, Maggie. We all know that. But Alex didn't want you to worry, she wanted you to live your life. Things are going well with Patty, aren't they?" Kara argued.

Maggie closed her eyes at the mention of her girlfriend. She had met Patty as she was leaving her AA meeting a year and a half ago. She had walked past another class full of people. People like her. That were grieving. She had been uncertain and Patty had noticed her from across the room. The beautiful blonde had been kind, patient and understanding. She was also a detective, from the CCPD and had lost her baby to an uncommon disease while investigating the murder of her father. She had understood Maggie and even Alex in her desire for revenge.

They had went out for coffee and Maggie was freshly divorced so Patty and her had been friends for a year before they started to date. It had been so hard at first, Maggie had been so adamant to just be friends until Eliza and the family itself had encouraged her.

Patty was amazing truly. They went along great because they were similar on certain points. She was caring, selfless and compassionate. Also, very passionate about her work and was crazy smart. They both knew what the job was, what grief was. Patty never judged Maggie, always respected her and her relationship with Alex.

But god, she had so much history with Alex. She was the love of her life. The mother of her child. Nothing could compare to that even if her relationship with Patty was a great and easy thing and made her feel warm in a way she never thought was possible anymore.

"I'm sick of Alex justifying her sacrificing act, Kara. She was my wife, we've been through hell and back and then left me behind. But even all of that is not enough to make me walk away. So, I want to know more." Maggie declared "For how long has she been sick? How long does she have?"

Both women looked at each other, broken for their own reasons.

"From what Eliza, Hamilton and Tancredi has told me, if Alex doesn't do anything, she has a couple of months, a year at most." Kara said.

Maggie didn't know how many times her heart could be stomped over like this. She sat back down against the arm of the couch, burying her face in her hands. Inhaling deeply, she looked over at her ex-sister-in-law.

"Well, I refuse to give up. Maybe you've all accepted her decision but I don't. I won't." Maggie stated slowly, standing up once more. "I asked her to let me come see her."

Kara sighed heavily, getting up as well to face Maggie.

"And what? You know she could change her mind for you, but what for? Trust me, Maggie, I'd do anything to keep my sister alive, but the truth is, she's in jail.

You're here with Patty. What's the endgame here?" Kara ranted.

Maggie pinched her nose. For the past few years, she had grown even closer to the Danvers family, having wear the name for about a decade. Fights like this didn't happen often, except for when it came to Alex and Mara.

"Let me worry about that, Little Danvers." Maggie sighed, her brain already thinking things through. "You mentioned Tancredi twice and it's the first I heard of her. Who is she?"

Kara crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged.

"She's the prison doctor or something. Apparently, she has taking a liking to Alex. Been checking up on her a few times."

Maggie frowned, finding that odd. She wanted to know more. She had been so disconnected  for the past two years, she wanted to catch up. She couldn't go on and pretend the love of her life wasn't dying. She had to do something.

"Can you get me her number? I'd like to talk to her." Maggie requested.

Kara nodded and approached Maggie slowly, her crinkle still there.

"I haven't seen that light in your eyes for a long time, Maggie. I don't know what it is you're gonna do but if that means my sister still has a chance to live, I trust you. Just promise you'll be careful. Don't lose sight of the people around you." Kara said tearfully, embracing the smaller woman.

Maggie hugged her back and nodded, feeling a new wave of sadness overcoming her.

_Alex and Maggie crossed the door of their apartment and closed it behind them with a heavy sigh. Throwing their keys on the kitchen counter and locking their guns away, they silently walked towards their open-spaced bedroom. Maggie slowly spinned Alex around. The agent, still in her brand new DEO suit, turned around to face her with a lazy smile._

_"We totally called it, didn't we?" Maggie joked with her eyes barely open "Our wedding got interrupted by an alien emergency."_

_Alex laughed lowly, hiding her nose in her fiancée's neck. She pulled back, tugging Maggie on their kind size bed. The soon to be sergeant groaned, loosing even more her already disheveled tie. They didn't bother to take off their clothes, Maggie still in her wedding suit._

_"With a half-infernian at that." Alex added with a small smile, putting her head on Maggie's shoulder "We're really doing this whole circle thing, you and me."_

_Maggie smiled against the short red hair. Her thumb found Alex's silver band, stroking it lightly._

_"You can't stop thinking about her, can you?" Maggie whispered._

_She heard her fiancée inhaled deeply, her arm coming to curl around her stomach, pulling her protectively closer. Maggie knew she was probably thinking back of the event of the day. The building across their venue burning anormaly fast. Supergirl had rushed to get everyone out along with the firefighters but two people had died in the apartment where the fire originally started._

_"Can you imagine it? Being responsible for the death of your parents? I know it wasn't her fault but that poor thing is gonna have to live with that for the rest of her life."_

_Maggie thought of her own parents. The ones that tossed her out in the street and how for years, Maggie had felt guilty for destroying her family, for being who she is, for causing her parents to stop loving her. She eventually realized she wasn't responsible for that, but it hurt anyway. Most of the time. It wasn't the same, but she could get it._

_"You want to save her, do you?" Maggie asked, knowing Alex's answer already._

_Alex sighed and leaned up on her elbow, looking down at Maggie, tracing her face with gentle fingers._

_"From a life full of self-loathing, of being afraid of who she is and not knowing who to trust." resumed Alex, pointing half the issues in their family "Yes, Maggie. I do."_

_Maggie smiled at the certainty in Alex's voice and the insecurity in her eyes. They had fought before about the kids subject, had thought that maybe they were imcompatible after all. But after a few weeks being away from each other, they had reached out, admitting they couldn't imagine a life without each other and that they would work through their differences along the way._

_"I do, too." Maggie confessed softly, thinking back of that pink-haired kid. "She deserves a safe home with people who will help her heal, who will love her._

_There isn't any proper system yet for aliens kids and the one we do have is already flawled. I refuse to see this kid disappear in a system or in a family that doesn't want her."_

_Alex swallowed back the tears, bending down to kiss her lips, not even caring they tasted like smoke, gunpowder and a half eaten donut._

" _So, we agree? We'll do everything we can to be able to take her in?"_

_Maggie nodded against Alex's forehead as they held each other closer, happy they were in the same place and hopeful about their future and that little girl's._

_"It won't be easy, but we'll make it work. Besides, doesn't Mara Danvers sound perfect to you?" Maggie offered with an arched eyebrow._

_Alex chuckled before sobering up._

_"One step at a time. That little girl just lost her parents. We can't make it seem like we're trying to replace them." Alex said gravely, playing with Maggie's hair._

_Maggie shook her head and licked her lips before pulling away. She kneeled on the bed and encouraged Alex to do the same. They stood in front of each other with quiet smiles, a storm still raging in their eyes, soft hands holding them back down._

_"We'll do this right. We'll do our best and probably fail a couple of times but, just as I started to say today in front of our family, there's no one else I would do this with. No one else I would fight with and fight for. You are my home, my family, my best friend and my love." Maggie stated with tears in her eyes "I had more elaborate vows that I completely forgot the second I saw you in your white dress because...it's you. Just as beautiful as the first day I met you. I'm just very happy and everything coming out of my mouth is a complete cliché..."_

_Alex laughed wetly, lightly pushing Maggie's shoulder for repeating the words she said the morning after they had made love for the first time._

_"Alex, I was waiting for you. I wasn't even aware but I was waiting for you to waltz your way into my life. I have no regrets. I would go through everything I've been through again if it meant that you end up being mine. Because I sure as hell am yours."_

_Maggie smiled despite the tears blinding her for a second as she took the blue velvet box from the pocket inside her jacket. Her hand shook and Alex reached out to stabilize her. Maggie opened it, retrieving Alex's ring with the one diamond cut in the middle. They both wiped their mouths and their eyes before Maggie slipped the perfect ring over the silver band._

_"I, Maggie Sawyer, take you, Alexandra Danvers, to be my wife. To share all that I am and all that I have, for all time to come. I'll always be there for you, through our best, through our worst, in sickness and in health. No matter what life throw at us, we'll make it through, together. As this ring has no end, neither shall my love for you." Maggie finished with the biggest smile, her dimples showing up._

_Alex smiled through her tears and couldn't resist to tug Maggie forward, hugging the hell out of her. Maggie laughed and complied for a moment, before pecking Alex's cheek sweetly, muttering a "We're not done yet."_

_The happy woman pulled back, grabbing the detective's hands once more, exhaling deeply._

_"Mags, baby, I...I didn't know either but I was waiting for you too. All my life, I thought I knew what I wanted despite being so lost, but the second I saw you, I knew the universe hadn't give me all the answers yet. You showed me who I was, showed me what was love and happiness. You showed me that I wasn't broken, that my body wasn't broken. You trust me and I promise to always cherish that trust, that love. I will protect your heart and your life until the end of time. The universe might have decided we were meant to be or maybe it didn't, but I don't care because I will always choose you." Alex declared confidently, reaching out for Maggie's ring in the box._

_Maggie looked down at the wonderful jewerly, still not believing that Eliza Danvers had agreed for her to wear her ring. Maggie knew what it meant and she swore to take care of it meticulously._

_"I, Alex Danvers, take you, my beautiful Maggie, to be my wife. With this ring, I give you my promise that from this day forward, you shall not walk alone. I have no greater gift to give. May my heart be your shelter and my arms be your home. May we walk together through all things. May you feel deeply loved, for indeed you are. May you always see the innocence in my eyes. May we feel this joy forever." Alex recited, doing her best to not give in and cry._

_Maggie laughed as Alex almost missed her finger, her owns trembling too much. She finally slid the ring and bend down to kiss each of her digits._

_"So, um, I'm a little lost here, I guess we had to say I do at some point, didn't we?" Maggie frowned, trying to recall Jonn's speech._

_Alex giggled and nodded, taking the lead._

_"Maggie Sawyer, do you promise to stand by my side, no matter how many pool games and bets you will lose?" Alex asked, staying still and serious._

_Maggie shook her head, squeezing Alex's hands._

_"You're an asshole, Danvers, but I do. Of course, I do." Maggie answered "And do you, Alex Danvers promise to do your best to come home to me every day, so I can love you, take care of you and make fun of your cooking skills?"_

_Alex's head tipped back, laughter and tears making her body shake with joy. She looked back down, resting her head against her fiancée._

_"I do.''_

_They took a moment to breathe, to smile, to just be._

_"I think...I can say we are now wives. And that we may now kiss the bride." Maggie murmured._

_Alex pushed the woman's hair back while Maggie caressed her now wife's cheeks, their eyes never leaving each other. They slowly leaned at the same time, their lips only brushing until they kissed truly, their whole bodies intertwining, being one. Alex eventually broke the kiss with a sigh because she was smiling too hard._

_"I love you, Maggie Danvers. Forever."_

Maggie wiped her tears and cleared her throat. She sat down on the couch, a small notebook open on the coffee table, the pages flying non-stop because Kara hadn't close the window after her departure.

She welcomed the breeze, her skin feeling too hot and gathered her hair to tie them into a loose bun. Exhaling deeply, she dialed the number. She waited impatiently, her heart on the edge of her lips.

"Hello?" a feminine voice answered.

"Hi, is this Sara Tancredi?" Maggie asked, looking down at Kara's messy writing.

The woman on the other side of the line waited a few seconds.

"This is she. Who is this?" she questioned, wary.

Maggie licked her lips, relieved that Kara hadn't lied about this.

"My name is Maggie Sawyer, I was told you have information about the health status of inmate 2142. Is that correct?" the ex-detective said with condifence, despite the nerves and hating to refer to Alex as a number.

She heard Sara sigh and Maggie bit her lips, worrying that she would hang up.

"Look, I don't know how you got this number but this is my personal phone, anyone wanting information about inmates should call through the official number during service hours." Sara told her unequivocally but still with a kind tone.

Maggie cleared her throat, feeling that this phone call would be direct and quick.

"You gave this number to Kara Danvers." she announced.

The name seemed to make the doctor hesitate, a small inhale and exhale hitting Maggie's ears.

"Oh." Sara breathed "This is about Alex."

Maggie swallowed and shifted on her seat, surprised by the softness in Dr.Tancredi's voice. The way she said her name, not at all business like. She didn't know if the woman was always this concern about her patients, but the way she refered to inmates earlier, it indicated that she was at least always professional. So, why would Alex be different?

"What did you say your name was again?" Sara asked.

"Maggie Sawyer." she repeated, her voice hollow.

Her name hadn't followed Alex's in a long, long time. They used to be joined at the hips, working cases together, Maggie helping her wife improve her cooking skills. They used to play soccer with their daughter in the backyard of the DEO's desert headquarter after they helped her with her homework. It used to be Maggie and Alex, then Maggie, Alex and Mara but now she was just alone. Again. Except she wasn't. Alex was. She was away from the people she loved, the one that loved her back. While it was the results of her own actions, Maggie had always understood her, had always wanted to be there for her until Alex had eventually pushed her away successfully by sending the divorce papers.

"I see." Sara commented slowly before pausing. "What is it you wanted to know?"

Maggie took a deep breath, focusing on the present and how she would be able to help her ex-wife.

"Kara told me that you and Alex had suspicions about her condition and I want to know how the whole thing started." Maggie asked in a professional tone despite her heart bleeding on every words "When was the first time Alex came to you with this?"

There was a moment of silence and Maggie waited, hearing the sound of rustling papers. She wondered if Dr.Tancredi was looking into notes or if she was just pretending to look busy.

"With this specifically?" she said after clearing her throat.

Maggie frowned at the other woman's awkardness, wondering what else Alex had come to Sara for. Kara said that the doctor had checked on Alex a couple of times. Was it just about her condition? Or was it something else?

"Um, roughly six months ago or so." Sara informed her, a little uncomfortable. "You know, Alex is usually very reserved and I always try to get her to open up but it took a while before she started to talk about herself." 

Maggie wrote down the number six, her pen lingering on the paper, something in Sara's tone didn't sit quite right with her. The woman was a prison doctor, not a psychologist. Maggie had met a few people in her life in similar career but they rarely had this much concern when they talked about the inmates. Maggie knew Alex was special but maybe she wasn't the only who noticed.

"She's quite smart and impressive that woman." Sara praised with admiration in her voice "And strong too. Carrying all that weigh around. I was glad she trusted me with this, so I could help her."

Maggie's jaw tightened and she closed her eyes, knowing full well the state Sara was in. That stage of respect and wonderment, right before the crush settled in officially and inevitably. She pinched the edge of ner nose, not able to stop herself from being a little jealous that Alex had trusted a stranger over her. Though, she doubted she was a stranger anymore.

"And how did you? Helped her I mean?" Maggie countered, hating how accusative she sounded.

"Oh, um, it's unusual but I drew her blood and decided to test it outside the prison. I wasn't convinced but I guess Alex can be...persuasive" Sara said with a hint of a smile in her words.

Maggie swallowed and nodded to no one, dropping her pen on the coffee table, recalling perfectly how persuasive Alex could be when she begged her to not go to work and to stay in to make love to her. Maggie fought the urge to throw up.

"And you noticed something strange?" she asked with a shortness in her breath.

She heard Sara moved on the other side of the line and Maggie licked her lips, repressing her wants for a drink. 

"Yes, immediately, but I knew it was something more. I took it upon myself to talk to Alex's mother about this. She was very unhappy but I only wanted what was best for her." Sara explained.

Maggie inhaled deeply, looking past the window and the sunset. The conclusion forming in her mind left a bitter taste in her mouth and Maggie ignored the fact that maybe she shouldn't feel this betrayed. 

"Hmm, no surprise there." Maggie replied. "Tell me, Dr. Tancredi, for how long have you been fucking my wife?"


	5. Tell me how you choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, new, longer update ;) Thank you for all of your encouragement and feedback! I always need them and they push to work different angles and to write faster. Answers will be given, more questions will come up, you know the drill ;) I apologize for the mistakes, english is still not my first language.
> 
> For those of you who read my story Holy, I'm happy to let you know that I plan to update next week! :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Alex exhaled, finishing her last set of push-up. She felt weaker lately but didn't want to lose any muscular mass. She had to stay strong for as long as she could, just so she could keep seeing Maggie and her family. On top of that, any sign of weakness and Glory would seize the opportunity to put her down.  
She laid down on her back, pulling her legs over her bed and started to move, doing sit-up. It reminded her of her training with Jonn all those years ago when she wanted to be better, to be the best and she would stay late in her bunk room, doing extra set of exercises.

Her eyes caught her pictures on the wall and she stopped, wincing at the dull pain in her ribs and her heart. She sat up, looking at her family. She looked at James and Lucy first. The once upon a time couple were holding their five year old son, Mackenzie. Alex laughed briefly looking at her nephew, recalling how freaked out but excited Lucy had been when she had announced the family she was pregnant. Mara had been so careful with her youngest cousin and when she had grown in confidence, she had shown Mack a few tricks with her powers, making him laugh in delight and curiosity.

Lucy had told Alex a year ago how she was helping Maggie since the woman came up to her with a new project, to build a foster system for the alien community. Alex had been so proud of her ex-wife. She had wanted to see Maggie so much back then. Still did now.

Alex's eyes rushed to the next photo, a sad smile tugging her lips. Winn's head was tipped back in laughter, Benjamin having jumped on his back while he tried to hold his oldest son Alexis. Winn's girlfriend, Zola, was helpless and obviously happy by the scene beside her, her light pink skin shining under the sun's ray.

Alex tried to swallow the wave of jealousy and failed, struggling to breathe through the tears. She hated herself for it. Her friends all deserved happiness. And god, she missed them all. She missed game nights and their shenanigans at the DEO. She missed Thankgivings and Christmases. But the truth was, she didn't even know what she was thankful for these days.

She looked back to the photos and her breath hitched at Kara's beaming smile. She let her gaze down, not able to look at her little sister any longer. There was an unspoken rift between them and it was killing her. They were talking almost everyday but Alex knew there were things they always left unsaid.

Alex sighed, relieved, feeling Mara's arms around her neck. She trailed her fingertips on her smooth skin and frowned at the cold. Touching her daughter was like touching water. She could feel her but if she pushed, she'd get through her. 

"You miss 'em." Mara observed.

The woman smiled sadly, shrugging.

"I miss you too." she replied softly.

Mara sighed in her ear and moved around, sitting by her side. She looked at the pictures and laughed, pointing Mack's giggles as he stood in Jonn's arms, Eliza making silly faces at him.

"There's nothing you can do about me. But they're here, mom and they miss you too." Mara insisted.

Alex shook her head, looking away from her smart gray eyes and her way too similar crinkle.

"Does Aunty Kara believe you?" Mara asked her.

Alex turned toward her daughter again, not able to resist pushing her pink hair away from her face to see the constellation of freckles on her skin. She recalled how much Maggie had loved to brush those hair after Mara's bath. She had always been infinitely patient. Alex hadn't wanted to take advantage of that when she started her sentence.

"Believe what, babygirl?" Alex questioned, confused.

Mara scrunched up her nose and stood up, tracing the pictures with her eyes.

"That you don't blame her for anything." Mara said, turning back toward Alex. "They lost me too, you know. And they all feel like they haven't done enough. Specially mama."

The little girl walked around her mom and hugged her again from behind. Alex welcomed the feeling and closed her eyes, memories and tears assaulting her. She brought a shaky hand to her forehead as if it would push the headache away. Mara started to hum the lullaby she used to sing to her at bedtime and Alex sagged back against her, desperately trying to catch her scent. She felt her daughter's small nose against her ear.

"I miss them too." Mara whispered clearly "Specially Mama."

Alex swallowed the sob and nodded briefly, turning her head to kiss Mara's temple.

"I love you, babygirl." she breathed out.

Mara giggled like she used to do when she was seven and hid Alex's eyes with her small hands.

"I know, mommy. I love you too."

 

_Alex stood in front of the window, staring down at the doctors operating on her wife. She grabbed the frame to hopefully stop her shaking but the sight of her bloody hands cut her breath. It felt like she was being stabbed non stop for the last two hours since the car accident._

_Her teary eyes looked up to the ceiling at the thought. Accident. It had been no accident. Someone had ran them over on purpose and had killed her little girl. And now Maggie was fighting for her life. But what was their lives going to be now?_

_Alex curled her fingers, hopeless, tears falling down on her wedding rings covered of blood. Her little girl's blood. Alex sagged forward, wishing Maggie would be there to catch her. She tried to breathe through the sob but failed adamantly. A door opened behind her and Alex turned around, wiping her tears. Winn's shining green eyes met hers and they both cried even more as he rushed to her, hugging her tightly._

_"Maybe you shouldn't be in there." he murmured softly, struggling to speak._

_The woman shook her head and pulled back slightly, grabbing Winn's shoulders._

_"I need to be here, I need to make sure that she'll make it through. Where is Mara's b...where is she?" Alex managed to ask through a hiccup._

_Winn hesitated, cleaning up Alex's face from the blood and the tears._

_"She's downstairs. Nobody will touch her, okay?" Winn whispered, as if the lower he said it, the less it was true. "Jonn is picking up your mom. They'll be here shortly. James and Lucy are outside with the kids."_

_Alex nodded and looked away, watching the doctors work on Maggie. She blinked, feeling sick, thinking that no one should see the insides of their wife. No one should have the blood of their kid on their hands._

_"Did you know, Winn? When you went to the future, did you see this?" Alex urged to ask, not able to stop herself._

_Winn turned her around, away from the window and shook his head._

_"Absolutely not. I wouldn't have let it happen, Alex. I promise. We couldn't get all the information for obvious reason. I wish I had known, Alex, trust me..." he said, his tears falling on his button shirt. "I would have done something."_

_She nodded absentmindedly, not feeling better. She turned back toward her wife and accepted Winn's hand in hers. Squeezing it until she couldn't feel her fingers anymore, it made her wish she could numb her whole body as well. The door opened once more behind her and Alex stilled herself._

_"Alex..." her sister called her, grief and regret breaking her voice._

_The woman slowly turned around toward the blonde superhero. An estranged fire came back in her arms but it was dulled, a flame seeking out oxygen to not die, not yet._

_"Where were you?" Alex asked slowly between her teeth._

_Kara took a step back, her face falling into a mask of pain. Her blue eyes was pleading but Alex was blind with rage. Winn tried to hold her back but Alex pulled away harshly._

_"WHERE WERE YOU?" Alex shouted, thinking back of her unanswered phone call._

_Kara sobbed, bringing her hands in front of herself as if it would protect her from her sister's blame._

_"I was in Metropolis with Clark. He was helping me bake a cake for Mara with a recipe from her home's planet." she explained between the sobs._

_"WE WERE HER HOME, KARA!" Alex lashed out, old arguments intruding this one "Maggie and I are...we were. And now, because of you and you," she pointed_ _Winn "and me...when my wife wakes up...if she wakes up, I'm gonna have to tell her that her babygirl is truly dead."_

_Alex fell down on her knees, Kara and Winn catching her and falling with her. She cried there in their arms, sometimes pulling them closer and sometimes pushing them away, not even knowing what she wanted. She eventually passed out, the unbearable pain making her want to die._

 

Alex finished her letter and folded it, slipping it into the enveloppe. She wrote her mother's name on it, her fingertips hovering it. She joined the letter to the others, adding it to the pile and placed them under her mattress. She missed her mom. She missed her comforting touch and her familiar scent. She hated how much she took her and everything else for granted even with the job she had.

Mostly, she missed Maggie. Just the idea of seeing her again made her feel...lighter in a way she hadn't felt in a long, long time. Her talk on the phone a couple of days ago made her think things through. Maggie wanted to see her again. God, she would never understand why this woman still wanted to have something to do with her. But oh, it felt so good. 

But was now a good time when her body wasn't at her best? What if Glory tried something? Alex rubbed her eyes, wondering if she was allowed to be selfish.

Her ex-wife had also mentioned her nephews and how they were missing her. She couldn't deny that despite the pain and the envy, she wanted to know what was up with them. She hadn't been fair and her call with Maggie made her realize it was time to stop hurting them.

Alex stood up and picked her call card, getting out of her cell. She was glad Angel was up and about with other people. She wasn't in the mood for the cat and mouse round with her. 

Walking up to the phone booth, she waited in line as two inmates were already in front of her. Her mind cheated and brough her back to the past.

_She half-laid on her wife's bed, half-sat in the uncomfortable chair. Her fingertips were tracing the now erased letters her daughter had wrote on Maggie's forearm. She sucked in a breath and stood up as if she was electrocuted when Maggie blinked and winced, obviously in pain. Alex rushed to press the morphine button and sat on the bed, careful to not graze Maggie's stomach._

_"Shh, shh, Maggie, hey, I know it hurts, you had surgery yesterday. Just breathe, baby." Alex told her wife, pushing her hair away from her mouth._

_Alex bit her lips, holding back the tears as Maggie looked up at her and around the room, panic all over her eyes._

_"Mara?" she asked, her voice distorted with hope and despair._

_Alex's head fell down to her chest, sob wrecking her as she forced herself to look up at Maggie again. She shook her head and her wife imitated her._

_"No, no. It can't be real. It can't be..." she trailed on, her own cries cutting her off._

_Maggie curled onto herself, grabbing her stomach, then her heart, then her hair. Her breathing was erratic, the whimpers hurting her chest. Alex grabbed her hands and leaned her forehead against Maggie's._

_"I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry. I couldn't save her. I failed her." Alex apologized, her tears falling into Maggie's hair._

_Her wife shook against her, her hands curling around her shirt._

_"What...about...what about that bastard?!" Maggie asked before crying again._

_Alex pulled back and pushed Maggie's hair away. She grabbed her face and watched the kaleidoscope of pain in her brown eyes, her own rage adding to the mix._

_"I'm gonna find him and I'm gonna kill him, I swear." Alex vowed irrevocably. "He's gonna pay for taking her away from us. You can count on me."_

_Maggie looked at her for a long time and nodded almost imperceptibly before shaking her head and crying once more. Alex reached out to the side button and clicked it. It didn't take long before a nurse came in and adjusted the dose of Maggie's medication. She didn't let her wife go until she fell asleep again._

_Alex wiped the tears off her too pale cheeks and took a step back, sitting back down in the chair when Kara walked in. The older Danvers sister sighed and grabbed Maggie's hand again._

_"Were you listening?" Alex asked even though she knew the answer._

_Kara walked around Maggie's bed, kissing her sister-in-law's hair. Alex looked away, swallowing the emotion in her throat._

_"I couldn't help it. I was so relieved Maggie was awake and then..." she trailed, tears welling up in her eyes. "Alex..." she started before Alex cut her off._

_"No. Don't even bother."_

_Kara inhaled and played with her glasses._

_"I know how you feel, but..."_

_"No, you don't!" Alex spitted ''Not on this. You can pretend to know everything else if you want to, like you always do, but not on this."_

_Kara seemed to shrink at that and Alex couldn't help but feel a pang of regret. Once upon a time, her only worry was her little sister's life, but when Maggie and Mara came into her life, the list expanded and was shaped differently. She hated how lost she felt suddenly, missing much simpler times, when all she had planned for the week was movie night with her sister. Alex lifted Maggie's hand and leaned her head on it, dropping a lingering kiss._

_"I'm sorry, Kara." Alex breathed deeply, her voice shaking "I know you loved her but right now, I...I need you to let me be angry, okay? I can't be your big sister."_

_Kara nodded and walked toward her sister, hugging her from behind, her lips above her ear. She hugged her as tight as she could without crushing her._

_"It's okay. I'll be the big sister from now on, okay? You focus on being a wife and a mother. Because you still are, Alex. You always will be. Nobody can take that from you." Kara whispered softly, lovingly._

_Alex started to cry again, squeezing Maggie's hand and Kara's shoulder, grateful for her touch despite the irritation ofvb her words. Somebody did take it away from her and they were gonna pay._

_"Send Winn in, will you?'' Alex requested, wiping her tears away._

_She felt her sister nodded and dropped a kiss on her temple before leaving the room door ajar for Winn to come in. The man entered and hesitantly sat beside her in the empty chair. They stayed quiet for a moment, Alex taking the time to gather her thoughts._

_"I need you to find out who did this." Alex told him._

_Winn looked up to her and met her eyes. He bit his lip, uncertain._

_"Alex, maybe we should let..."_

_"I need you to do this for me, Winn." she insisted, her voice unwavering._

_They had a silent conversation, battling obvious arguments and pain conquering the fight._

_"You know I'd do anything for you, Alex. For the both of you. And I know I'm gonna regret this. So, while I'm doing this, I want you to ask yourself if you will too." Winn replied._

_Alex fought the urge to snap at him and instead turned Maggie's arm toward him._

_"My daughter used her last breath to save my life and to inform Maggie who killed her. She knew him." She informed him between her clenched teeth "She wrote 'uncle' on her arm."_

_Winn frowned and touched lightly the brunette's skin, breathing deeply._

_"We know everything about Mara's biological mother. She didn't have much family, kept mostly to herself to hid her identity and her powers but she did have a couple of aliens friends. Maybe they know more about Mara's father. The guy was a regular citizen, remember?" Winn thought outloud._

_Alex nodded, recalling everything from Mara's adoption files._

_"Yeah, I'm starting to think that he wasn't just a nobody. He had a big family, so look into it." Alex retorted._

_Winn nodded, focused on the task at hand and got up. He leaned down and kissed Alex's forehead, causing the woman to blink the tears away._

_"I'm gonna get justice for my niece, Alex. It'll be your choice if you get revenge."_

_Alex looked down, her jaw tightening itself at the words. It didn't even seem like a choice right now. It just seemed natural to her. She stood up and placed the blanket from their home back on Maggie's body. She walked lazily to the makeshift bed and grabbed Billy Blue, a tear falling on his belly as she carefully sat him under Maggie's arm. Bending down to kiss her wife's temple, she whispered:_

_"Take care of her, babygirl.''_

Alex dialed the number and exhaled deeply, nervous. She turned her back from the inmates waiting behind her and counted down the seconds until somebody answered.

"Alex?" the voice asked.

The woman smiled into the phone, recognizing Winn's voice. She had missed her little brother so much.

"You really had to ask, Winn? How many person do you know are in jail here?" Alex replied.

Her heart felt lighter as she heard Winn's laugh.

"You'd be surprised. God, Alex, it's so good to hear from you. How are you doing? How's your body?" Winn rambled.

Alex could hear his smile in his words and she was relieved that he didn't seem mad at her.

''You too, Winn. You have no idea. I'm okay, I'm managing. I'm trying to not lose weigh and stay in shape." she informed him quietly, not wanting other people to hear her.

"That's good, Alex. That's good. I was told that Maggie might visit you soon, how do you feel about that?"

Alex sighed loudly. She should have known the whole family would be aware of everything in matter of seconds.

"I'm scared and excited. I...it's been so long and I only have one picture of her. I miss her terribly. I miss all of you." Alex admitted, before clearing her throat

"Speaking of, I was wondering if I could talk to my favorite nephew?"

She couldn't remember the last time she tried to be this joyful. It felt strange and good. But she was clearly out of pratice.

"Oh, Alex. I'm so happy you want to talk to him! I promise, I won't say a word to Benji and Mack about him being your favorite." Winn joked.

Alex laughed, ignoring the tears in her eyes.

"Come on, I did help him get into this world, Winn. It was inevitable." Alex recalled him.

A few weeks after Maggie and her had broke up, Alex had received a call from the detective, saying she was coming to the DEO with Winn and Zola who was more than ready to give birth. It had been a slow day at work and Dr. Hamilton was needed in Opal City for a consult and Alex had been forced to help the couple deliver their first son. With Maggie, they helped Zola delivered Alexis James Schott.

"Yeah. I always owned you one for that." Winn whispered "Hold up, he's coming. Hey Alexis, guess who want to talk to you?"

Alex waited for a few second until a unsure "Hello" came through. The woman smiled, having forgotten her nephew's voice.

"Hey, how are you doing, buddy?" Alex asked him, still completely nervous.

"Aunt Ally? Is that you? Oh my god, dad, it's Alex!" 

Alex laughed, hearing Winn answer his son. Her heart got warm at being called an aunt again.

"Hey buddy, I don't have a lot of time, okay? I just wanted to know how you were doing and how was school?"

"I'm okay. I got a few cool friends and we're trying to built a robot. Dad and Aunt Lena are helping us. I wish you were here to see it, though. I miss you Aunt Ally. Benji does too." the teen boy sighed.

Alex struggled to swallow, knowing that facing her family again wouldn't be easy. She had let them all down.

"I know, buddy. Trust me, I wish I was there too." she whispered "It sound like a cool project though, I'm sure it'll be amazing. You should write me a letter and send a picture when you're done with it."

"And you're gonna answer it?" Alexis asked, surprised and excited.

Alex started to scratch the wall by the phone, hating how much time she had lost, she had wasted.

"I promise I will. Anything else happening, buddy?" Alex questioned, wanted to know as much as she could.

"Benji will try out the soccer team this summer! Patty has been helping him a lot with his kicks. Oh and the school's dance is coming."

Alex looked at the clock before dropping her gaze, her heart twisting at the mention of Maggie's girlfriend.

"Oh yeah, are you gonna ask someone out, buddy or are you flying solo?'' Alex asked, trying to be cheerful.

The boy seemed to hesitate on the other side of the line.

"Hmm, I don't know. There's this girl I like but I don't know if I should go for it." Alexis said.

Alex's eyes caught the clock once more, knowing the conversation was coming to an end.

"Only you know what to do, buddy. But if you need help asking this girl out, you should definitely ask Aunt Maggie's advice." Alex told with a small smile.

The older Schott brother laughed at that.

"I know. I already asked her and she said that I should knock at her door with a pizza and seven ups in hands. She said it worked with you."

Alex's heart did somersault like it always did when it came to Maggie. She smiled through the tears and forced her brain to come up with something.

 _ **'You have thirty second left'**_ the recorded message announced them.

The woman inhaled deeply, holding on to the phone booth. She always hated this awkward moment. She always hated goodbye. 

"Yeah, it did. Your aunt is seriously the best. It's time for me to go, buddy. You take care of yourself and your brother, okay? I love you guys."

"I love you too, Aunt Ally. We miss you and we miss Mara. I think of her everyday." Alexis said.

Alex shook her head slowly at that, the tears coming back once more. She breathed slowly and nodded, giving herself courage to finish the call.

"I appreciate it, Alexis. She loved you guys a lot. I'll try to call you more often, okay? Goodbye, buddy." she told him before the line hung up.

 

_''It's okay." Alex finally said, dejected "I'll never forgive myself anyway."_

_Alex put her phone back in her pocket, taking a deep breath. A headache was forming and her temple was pulsating beneath her fingers. She roared her motorcycle once more and streamed off in the streets, swaying and speeding up until she reached a suburban neighborhood. She stopped her ducati, not bothering to turn off the motor._

_She sat back, looking through the window of the house 2107. Winn had came through a couple of hours ago, finding who the damn uncle was. Mara's biological father, Peter Garsden, wasn't just a construction contractor and neither was his brother Jared. Apparently, the Garsden family were secretly supernatural hunters. The information had surprised Alex, her scientist brain not quite believing it, but after years of working with the DEO and facing aliens, she knew not to close her eyes on another possible reality._

_Winn had warned her that there was pratically no proof on the matter considering how elusive the family secret was. But Alex didn't care. All she wanted, was to put the man down._

_When the assassin got out of his house with garbage in hand, Alex kicked the stand on, jumping off her bike. In one swift movement, she digged into her right boot and retrieved her baton, whipping it open._

_"Jared Garsden!" Alex called him out, causing the man to turn toward her "You went after the wrong family."_

_The tall man threw the garbage bag at her but the agent dodged it and hit him in the face. She grabbed his hand as he reached a weapon out of his back and knocked it against the brick wall. Jared pushed forward causing Alex to hit the hood of a car. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around the hunter's head as she charged at her, once again trying to take control of the gun in his hand. The man picked her up and knock her once more against the car, Alex losing her grip, her arms and legs falling down her sides._

_He maimed at her but Alex rolled out of the way and kneeled on the pavement. In one quick shot, she hit him as hard as she could on his tibia, hearing the crack in the bone. Jared screamed painfully and Alex growled with a grin, kicking the man down. She grabbed the gun and put in her jeans on her back._

_"You're a crazy bitch!" Jared spitted as Alex pulled on the chains in the hunter's pickup._

_She came back as the younger Garsden brother tried to crawl away toward his house. Alex ignored the neighbors watching her through their windows and approached her target, hitting him on his side with the chain. Jared let out a yell and Alex knew she had to work fast. Slipping the chains around his torso, she dragged him to her motorcycle, tying the chain securily on her bike._

_"You're not gonna get away with this! Do you hear me?" the man threatened, his hand curled around his broken leg._

_Alex kneeled in front of him and shook her head at the normalcy of this man. Tall, strong shoulders, typical dirty blond hair. Nothing about him screamed murderer except for the rage and the pain swallowing the woman's heart._

_"I hope you kissed your family goodbye because you're never coming back." Alex told him, before getting up and straddling her ducati._

_She roared and charged it, flying down the street with the wind barely covering Jared's screams._

 

_Alex reached the crossroad she was at a week ago when Mara was killed. She untied the chain and Jared tried to ran away, but he was too weak after such a bumpy ride. Alex pulled him down by the chain and Jared cried._

_"Stop, please stop!" he shouted._

_The woman walked around to face him. The hatred she had for him was indescribable._

_"You killed my daughter. My 11 years old daughter. Why?" she asked slowly._

_Jared glared at her and spitted blood on the pavement._

_"That thing killed my brother! I warned him to not get too close to his target but he was always weak. He fell for that alien and bed her. That thing that camed out was a monster! She needed to die." Jared told her between his teeth._

_Alex's heart explode and she kicked the hunter in the stomach a couple of times, letting out cries of rage._

_"She was just a kid! MY KID! Your brother's death was an accident and she felt guilty for it! She didn't deserve to die! Mara was a young, smart and funny girl and had a life in front of her." Alex cried, wishing she could keep her mouth shut._

_Jared chuckled harshly and shook his head._

_"She was dangerous! She burned two building down in her short life and she was only gonna get more powerful. You have no idea what she was!"_

_Alex forced herself to breathe, her mind spinning. There was something behind his word she couldn't figure out._

_"What she was? What do you mean?" she asked with regret._

_Jared smiled at her, satisfied that he had her focus._

_"Why do you think I went after her? Trust me, I'm no fan of those invasive and waste of breath aliens, but I deal with the supernatural world, lady. And your kid belonged in it. And thanks to my brother's incapacity to keep it in his pants, he brought into the world a creature we had never met before. I'm a goddamn hero for killing that thing." Jared ranted._

_Alex felt numb and fired up all at once. It was like her mind and body were detached from each other, her heart never once stopping bleeding. She took it all in and grabbed Jared by his throat, bringing the gun off her back against the man's forehead. The hunter blinked and looked at her, completely scared._

_"You're no hero. You're no man for killing a little girl. It doesn't matter what she was. She was my daughter and I loved her with all my heart." Alex told him tiredly._

_Jared struggled to swallow and tried to crawl back but Alex digged her knee into his stomach, resting her whole weigh on him._

_"Look...we don't see things the same way...but I had to. I had orders...I made the choice and that's that."_

_Alex tipped his head to the side and stood up, looking down at him as a hopeful spark flew in his blue eyes._

_"Your choice cost my daughter's life. It cost mine and my wife's." Alex commented._

_Jared shook his head, tears falling down his cheeks. Alex's jaw tightened at this weakness and cowardice._

_"I'm sorry...I don't know what to do to.."_

_Alex put her boot against the man's throat, ready to put an end to this._

_"Nothing! There's nothing you can do. I need you to pay." she snarled, spit flying in his face._

_Jared looked around, desperately trying to find anything or anyone that would save him._

_"I will. I'll turn myself in. I'll go to jail..."_

_Alex scoffed coldly, shaking her head._

_"No, that's too easy. And you're lying."_

_Jared lifted his hands up, surrending himself to her._

_"Please, I have a daughter." he begged her._

_Alex blinked once and charged her weapon, aiming the hunter's stomach._

_"You took my little girl's life and almost killed my wife. If I can't see my daughter grow up. Neither will you with yours." she declared, pulling the trigger._

 

_Alex looked at the pool of blood forming on Jared's abdomen, the man choking and slowly dying. The woman took a few steps back and kneeled down on the pavement, her hands on her thighs, trying to breathe. She looked away, up to the sky, down to the place where Mara died. She let out a wrecking sob, her whole body shaking._

_The broken woman inhaled when she felt small cold hands on her neck, then her eyes as she closed them. Alex breathed shakily and stood still, recognizing the softness of Mara's skin._

_"Mommy, you have to come find me." Mara whispered in her ear, her young voice recalling the way it used to be when she was seven._

_The words were hitting her hard, echoing in the dark, causing the weapon in her hand to tremble._

_"You have to do it before mama find you. She's too good at this, remember?" Mara added, her high pitched voice breaking Alex's heart._

_She did remember. All those times, playing hide and seek. Maggie finding Mara with a roar and tickles, then pretending to lose the upper hand and pleading_ _Alex to come save her. Alex kept crying, her tears falling down in her daughter's hands._

_"I know, babygirl." Alex sighed, her headache pounding against her forehead._

_Alex felt Mara's hands slipping off her face and she blinked, afraid she had lost her already. Again. But there she was, almost the same size as her even if she was still on her knees. Her pink hair were too long and her smile too wicked for a seven year old._

_"She's a detective, she detect." Mara said, her grey eyes heavy and serious._

_Alex sagged even more and trembled, wishing for something, anything to happen. But just like the few minutes before, the next one were up to her. Numbly, she lifted the gun up to her temple with a shaky breath, a warm wave envelopping her._

_"I'm sorry, Mags." she murmured._

_The woman exhaled loudly, the dark stars staring back at her. She looked at her daughter and the pain cut through her once more. How could she live without her? Her finger hesitated on the trigger and a glint made her eyes shifted back to her other hand. Her wedding rings stood there proudly as ever and Alex sobbed heavily, thinking of how selfish she was being. How could she do this to Maggie? To her wife? Her family?_

_She lowered her gun with difficulty, still uncertain and the second it was away from her head, she was tackled from behind, the weapon falling out of her grasp. Alex recognized her sister's arms and cried out in protest. Kara held on to her, her own tears falling down._

_"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should have been there both times, I'm so sorry." the blonde superhero mumbled painfully._

_Alex let herself fall in her sister's arms, feeling suddenly weak and heavy. She looked to her right, Jared's dead body a few feet away from her and noticed the absence of her little girl. She had failed her, once more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, the moment we've all been waiting for, sanvers meet again.


	6. I'll hold you when things go wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are slower but longer. So, we cool?  
> There it is, everybody, the chapter we've all been waiting for, Maggie and Alex seeing each other again!!! It's the very first scene I wrote for this story, the very scene that created the whole story,(and made me cry it') It's probably my favorite as well. I hope you'll all like it as well :)  
> I want to thank each and every one of you for the kudos and comments, your love and encouragement mean everything to me.  
> I don't own any characters except a few.

Maggie sat down nervously in front of the glass and waited, rubbing her hands over her thighs. She looked around her, seeing family members meeting with their loved ones. It had been two years since she last sat there in front of her wife. She didn't know exactly how she felt. She was pissed off, angry, sad and felt a little bit betrayed. She hated that Alex had told their family to not tell her she was sick and that she didn't want to get better either. She understood the feeling, having faced that choice the night she woke up at the hospital after drinking too much, but she had chosen to not give up in her daughter's memory.

The woman half-stood up when she saw Alex turning the corner, her heart thumping like a hummingbird against her chest. All anger slipped away at the sight of the love of her life. A shy smile tugged her lips as she fought the urge to cry. Alex's skin was even paler than she remembered, her freckles showing up clearly on her nose. Her hair was longer and tied up in a small ponytail. Maggie knew for a fact that Alex must hate it.

Then their eyes met. For a second, it was like nothing else existed. They inhaled at the same time as Alex smiled weakly, beautifully, her dark eyes lighting up in a way they weren't used to anymore. Maggie half-laughed, half-cried, rushing to pick up the phone, Alex imitating her.

They didn't say anything for a moment, just taking each other in, breathing slowly, recalling all their phone calls. Maggie wished she could touch her, wished that the window was at least clean enough so she could see her for the perfection that she was.

"Hey, you." Maggie finally breathed out, holding on tightly to the phone.

Alex blinked and shook her head. Maggie knew that her ex-wife couldn't believe she was truly there. She tipped her head to the side and smiled knowingly, reassuringly.

"Maggie. God." Alex sighed, saying her name like a veneration. "You're still so beautiful."

Maggie looked down to hide her blush which sent Alex into a rambling mess.

"Shit, Mags, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know I'm not allowed to say things like that anymore. You were kind enough to come here and I..."

"Alex, relax. Just breathe, okay. I'm not mad." Maggie reassured her with a warm smile before adding "At least not for that."

The other woman swallowed and nodded slowly. Maggie took the time to look at the bags under her eyes, the slight hollow of her cheeks but what killed her what was the barely revived fire in her pupils. She must be so lonely. No wonder she got involved with Dr. Tancredi. No wonder she didn't want to get help.

"I know, Alex." Maggie announced heavily "I know."

Alex's eyes got wide and her body stilled itself for a second. Eventually, she gulped and nodded, looking away, ashamed and upset for a second.

"Kara?" she guessed with a scoff.

Maggie tilted her head and shrugged.

"She and I are close, Danvers. I'm surprised she lasted this long." Maggie commented a bit curtly.

Alex's lips curled into a frustrated pout. Maggie could tell she was afraid of her reaction and that instinctively, she wanted to build her walls up.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked softly with a hint of hurt in her tone.

Alex's shoulders fell at that and she lifted her eyes and her hand as if she wanted to push Maggie's hair away, like she used to.

"I have hurt you enough. I disappointed you enough." Alex declared, shrugging as her voice broke "You got your life back in order, Maggie. You were strong enough to do that. You deserve to be happy without me constantly bringing you down."

Maggie swallowed with difficulty and nodded, knowing Alex's habit to self-destroy herself.

"It's all a fucking lie, Alex." Maggie admitted, shaking her head "My life...without you and Mara, it's...I tried to live. I tried to love...but...the two of you were my whole world."

Alex sucked in a breath and closed her eyes for a second, tears falling down her cheeks. Maggie dug into the inside of her pocket and retrieved her wallet. Before her heart lost it, she recalled that she left their rings in the car to avoid any problem with the metal detector. Taking out the photo with Alex and Mara, she turned it toward her ex-wife, pulling it against the window.

"You see this? I never stopped carrying it around. I know how you feel baby, so don't shut me out please." Maggie practically begged through her tears.

Alex cried as she traced their daughter's face with her fingertip, wincing at the never fading pain. Maggie forced herself to breathe, looking at Alex clutching the phone tightly, as if it was the only thing grounding her.

"Let me be there for you just like I need you." Maggie continued, pleading "I know we will hurt forever. This pain will always be there just like our love for her. But we can hold on to each other. We can hold on to the family that we are, because we're still a family, Danvers. We're still mothers."

They cried together, wishing they could touch their hands. Alex's shoulders shook and Maggie wanted to break the dirty window so badly.

"I wish I could give my life so our little girl would be back in your arms but I can't." Maggie sighed shakily "My arms are the only ones I can offer you."

Alex muffled her sob against the back of her hand and shook her head, silently begging Maggie to stop. But the woman couldn't. She had to go all the way. She had to make her see that she got it, she got her.

"This isn't fair to you, to me and specially not to her. God, Alex, what would she say if she knew her mamas aren't together anymore? Hmm? Remember how proud she was of us?" Maggie asked, chuckling briefly. "She was so stubborn, Al. Like us, like you..."

Alex laid her head on the counter, shaking and sobbing. Maggie leaned closer and looked down to her. Her ex-wife finally looked up, but didn't move.

"I can't come home to you." Alex argued painfully, regretfully.

Maggie felt like someone had dropped a bucket of ice on her, her eyes never leaving Alex's scared ones.

"Yes, you can. I'll find a way. We always do." Maggie assured her.

Alex shook her head and looked away for a moment, wiping her face on her sleeve.

"No, Mags, you don't understand. I'm dying." she refuted.

Maggie knew that fact. Of course, she did. But hearing it like that, the blatant truth coming out of her love's mouth felt like a knife to the chest.

"I...I know but your mom..." she stuttered.

"Is wrong." declared Alex with severity "I checked her research and it's not gonna work."

Maggie opened her mouth, then closed it again, her ears ringing. Her mind felt empty suddenly, feeling like everything about life was just a goddamn lie. Her hands stayed still but deep down, she wanted to start breaking things.

"What?" she replied, dumbfounded.

Alex still didn't move up from the counter, closing her eyes to avoid looking at the heartbreak and pain displayed across Maggie’s face.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is hurting you, you don't deserve any of this." Alex told her with steel in her eyes and love in her voice "Go back to your girlfriend, Maggie. She seems alright. Go be happy, please."

Maggie's mind was still blurry but Alex's words brought her back, the weight on her shoulders told her to fight back.

"No, Al. I'll find a way." Maggie thundered "Al, look at me"

Maggie leaned down her chin on the counter as well, facing Alex who kept her eyes closed.

"Look at me, baby, look at me. I'll save you." she promised "I couldn't save our babygirl, but I'll save you, you hear me?

Alex stopped moving for a second, something sparking in her eyes. Maggie jumped on it, gasping and her fingers curling on the window. She saw from the corner of her eyes a guard coming to get Alex who was still crying, her face red and hurt.

Maggie stood up desperately, letting go of the phone as it fell down noisily on the counter.

"No no, please, let me hold her!" Maggie shouted, pleading "Let me hold her! Alex! Hold on, okay?! Hold on until I get to you! Promise me!"

The guard grabbed Alex harshly, pulling her back while another one approached Maggie, a hand toward her. Maggie shrugged him off to face Alex once more.

"I love you." her ex-wife mouthed to her.

 

Maggie kicked the door open and bent over her knees, fighting the urge to throw up. She stood back up, breathing deeply, letting the fresh air in. She felt so jacked up, she was ready to go back in there and fight everyone. Walking quickly away from the building, she reached and unlocked her car, recognizing her erratic behavior. She needed to calm down, she needed another kind of fire. Fuck, she wanted a damn drink. Opening the car door, she rushed to check every compartment. Leaning over the dash, she punched it open and looked between old cds and restaurant receipts. There it was, at the very end, a small bottle of Jack Daniels and Patty's old cigarette carton.

Maggie took a second to breathe and to think. Her eyes caught two gleaming objects in the middle of the console. She picked up Alex's necklace with the matching rings and held them tightly in her fist. Her conversation with her ex-wife coming back to her, revelation making her head and her heart pound. It wasn't that Alex didn't want to get help, it simply she had studied her mom's program and had only found flaws.

Taking a minute to ground herself, she eventually put their rings back in her wallet before grabbing the bottle of Jack and the pack of cigarettes. She got out of the car and uncapped the alcohol, emptying it on the cement. Maggie sighed, relieved and took a cigarette instead, lighting it up to busy herself. Sitting down on the hood of her car, she smoked and waited for her.

_"Hmm, no surprise there." Maggie said. "Tell me, Dr. Tancredi, for how long have you been fucking my wife?"_

_She heard the other woman inhale and stutter._

_"I...Excuse me? In what world do you think it's acceptable for you to ask me that?" Sara answered curtly and defensively._

_Maggie breathed deeply, not liking her tone._

_"In what world do you think it's acceptable for you to use your position to take advantage of inmates?"_

_Sara Tancredi scoffed and chuckled dryly._

_"Take advantage? You know what, Ms. Sawyer, this isn't up for a discussion. You wanted information about Alex's health, you got them. I don't have time for this nonsense." she said before hanging up._

Maggie had declined the calls from her family for the past hours, only taking the time to text Kara and Patty that she would come home later. The ex-detective had convoked an emergengy reunion later at her apartment and thankfully Kara had understood and passed the message to the others.

The back door of the prison opened, spotting staff filing out their shift. Maggie looked for a specific woman, having researched her name and waited until a beautiful mid-thirty's brunette walked towards her. Passing by to reach her car, the woman came to a stop when Maggie stood up from the hood of her car, throwing her half-lit cigarette on the asphalt.

"Sara Tancredi." Maggie simply said with her hands on her hips.

The slightly taller woman frowned at her, holding on tightly to her purse. Maggie held up a hand and scoffed.

"We talked over the phone the other day." Maggie recalled the brown eyed woman. "How about we go out for a drink. Our conversation wasn't over."

 

_Maggie moaned and gasped heavily, her back's arching off into her wife's chest, Alex's fingers drawing off her short but intense orgasm. Maggie tried to catch her breath as she felt Alex's curling lips on her shoulders, pulling out her hand from between her legs._

_''God, I love you.'' Maggie laughed quietly as Alex remained curled around her, her left hand still on her right breast._

_Often, in the middle of the night, her wife would reach out and hold on to her breast as some sort of comfort, reassurance that she was truly there, alive, her heart beating in her hand._

_The very first time it had happened was after a long day chasing off a group of thug men ''cleaning up'' the street by getting rid of homeless aliens. They had fallen asleep on the couch and the minute they had woken up, Alex had been deeply embarrassed while Maggie had simply found her adorable. Eventually, Alex had stopped apologizing and Maggie wasn't cold anymore._

_Alex kept dropping sweet kisses on her shoulder and Maggie's cheeks hurt from how hard she was smiling._

_''Can you believe she called us mom?'' Maggie said for the tenth time in the past hour._

_Her heart was too big for her chest at the moment, the happiness and the love overwhelming her. She felt Alex squeezed her, her own sigh of contentment dropping off her lips._

_''God, Maggie, I know.'' Alex exhaled shakily, pride all of over her words._

_The two of them had picked up Mara from school, had drove home and cooked Eliza's recipe, listening closely to their daughter's ranting about her day. After a quick bath, Alex and Maggie had snuggled the little girl up in her bed and had read her two stories. Right before going to sleep, after they left kisses in her bright pink hair, she had said it: «Thank you, mommy. I love you, mama.''_

_''It's everything we ever dreamed of.'' Alex whispered, nuzzling her neck._

_Maggie closed her eyes, her hands finding her wife's to interlace their fingers._

_''And more.'' Maggie added softly._

_They hugged each other for a long time until Maggie moved, causing Alex to groan in protest. Maggie laughed and reached out for her NCPD sweater and gray briefs._

_''I just want to check on her and I'll bring back a glass of water, okay?'' Maggie reassured her, bending down to kiss her pouting wife._

_''Okay, but come back quick, Mrs. Danvers.'' Alex smiled sweetly and winked at her._

_The woman stopped in her tracks and smiled back, not quite believing how lucky she got. She trotted to the bathroom first, quenching her thirst with a few sips of water and walked toward her daughter's room. Her still there smile fainted slightly when she opened the door and felt the breeze of the open window._

_Maggie frowned and her eyes moved to the window's frame, noticing a burned pattern the size of Mara's hand. She crossed the room in two steps, tugging the comforter off the bed and felt her heart dropped twenty feet beneath her once she was realized it was empty._

_''ALEX!'' she screamed as she frantically looked around the room, looking for something, anything._

_She heard her wife come in behind her with her gun in hand. Maggie turned toward her and threw herself in Alex's arms, tears blinding her. Thankfully, she caught her, confused and worried._

_''She's gone, Alex!'' Maggie explained, pulling back. ''Mara ran away.''_

_Alex looked around the room and touched the ashes by the window. Lifting her fired up eyes toward her wife, she walked back to her, putting her gun in the waistband of her shorts. She squeezed Maggie's shoulders and bent her knees a little._

_''Hey, hey, look at me. We're gonna find her.'' Alex tried to reassure her despite her own tears threatening to fall._

_Maggie picked up Mara's coat from the chair in the corner._

_''She only took her backpack,'' Maggie started, studying the room meticulously ''her blanky, her dragon plush and the frame on her nightstand.''_

_Alex tugged Maggie close, hugging her, both focusing on breathing._

_''She took the frame with our picture to remember us by, Al.'' Maggie managed to say between her gasps of air._

_Alex shook her head and interlaced their fingers together, forcing them to walk back to their own bedroom. Maggie followed numbly, holding tightly to Mara's purple jeans jacket._

_''She didn't take any clothes or food with her, she clearly didn't think this through, Maggie. Come on, let's get dress, we're gonna take the car and go out and find her.''_

_Both women rushed to put on jeans and their leather jackets over their sweater. Maggie couldn't stop the tears from falling down as her mind wandered back to old cases concerning missing child. It rarely ended well._

_''She's seven, Al. Where would she go?'' Maggie asked as she grabbed her cellphone and her gun._

_Alex and Maggie ran down the stairs, grabbing the car keys on the way._

_''I'm calling Kara.'' Alex's announcement was interrupted by her ringtone._

_The woman frowned, answering the DEO phone call. Maggie stood by her side, holding her breath._

_''Director Danvers.'' Alex said straightforwardly._

_''Ma'am. The system is picking up growing heat signature in a warehouse downtown. A team is on their way to deal with the threat.''_

_Maggie and Alex looked at each other, their hearts in their throats._

_''Send me the location and no one move until I'm on site, do you hear me?'' Alex replied as she and Maggie walked out of the house._

_''But ma'am, the building will eventually collapse.'' the agent argued._

_''Tell the team to stand down, that's an order, Agent Vasquez!'' Alex nearly shouted before hanging up._

_Alex threw the keys to her wife and Maggie caught them, getting behind the wheel of their SUV. Maggie heard Alex whimper, clutching her phone tightly in her hand. The woman didn't look away from the road, going too fast to do so and grabbed her wife's hand instead._

_''What is it?'' she asked worriedly._

_''It's the warehouse Mara first hid at when she accidently burned down her biological parent's apartment.''_

_Maggie swallowed heavily and nodded, desperate to get there in time. She was thankful for the absence of the traffic since it was in the middle of the night._

_''Where we first met her.'' Maggie commented and felt Alex squeeze her hand._

_''The structure is unstable, Maggie. We have to reach her. Now. Before it's too late.''_

 

Maggie sipped slowly her sparkling water, studying the doctor in front of her. She was wearing a feminine but classy black dress, showing off her curves and a hint of her neckline. Her long hair was a rich brown and curly, the light of the restaurant showing speckles of green in her brown eyes. Maggie could see what Alex had seen in her and it hurt even though it shouldn't.

"So, Sara, you were pretty defensive the other day, but you never actually answered my question?" Maggie started as Sara cut a piece of her risotto, slowly chewing. "For how long have you been fucking my wife?"

Sara chuckled shortly, shaking her head. She looked up into Maggie’s eyes, unsure but defiant.

“You know what’s funny? You assume that I was the one fucking her and not the other way around. What’s even funnier…she's not actually your wife anymore.” Sara paused, gulping down the rest of glass of wine. “I know for a fact that you two are divorced. I’m not the bad guy here.”

Deep down, Maggie was fuming. She hated not knowing what exactly had happened between Sara and Alex and while the woman seemed calm and relatively innocent, Maggie could tell she was smart. Still, the idea that Alex had touched her made her insides burn. The logical part of her was telling her that Sara was right, Alex and her weren't married anymore but the reality didn't care much for logic.

“Maybe not legally on paper, but she never stopped being my wife in my heart.'' Maggie told her slowly, somewhat calmly. ''So, it doesn’t matter if we’re together or not. You have power over her. You could lose your job over this.”

Sara lost her façade and sighed, dropping her gaze to the table. She nervously rubbed her index and thumb together. Maggie was surprised by the change in her behavior.

“Trust me when I tell you that Alex Danvers has more power over me than I do on her.” Sara told her tiredly with a sad smile. “I know this is not ethical and that I should have never let it happen. But the first time she came to me, she was so distraught. I even offered a sedative, but it wasn’t what she wanted.”

Maggie swallowed with difficulty, wondering why and when Alex had felt the need to go to a complete stranger for comfort. She trailed her nail over the skin where her ring used to be. Sara noticed and looked at her with empathy.

"I know it was wrong." Sara continued, shaking her head "But Alex was different from the others. She didn't pretend to be tough, she just was. She didn't pretend to be smart, she was brilliant. I..."

Sara stopped herself for a moment, licking her lips and looking away. She chuckled shortly and Maggie heard the pain in her voice. She hated herself for recognizing it, for being angry at Alex and being jealous when she herself had a girlfriend waiting for her at home. This situation was messed up. She was fighting the urge to cry, to run back to the prison to get to Alex and to talk to her about this. Because she didn't understand why she chose Sara over her.

"I wanted to comfort her, to make her feel better. I tried and for a moment, I thought I did." Sara said, sighing regretfully ''But afterwards, she cried even more and was crushed by the guilt."

Maggie lifted her head at that, her heart splitting in two.

"I...um, when did that happen?" Maggie asked cautiously, preparing herself for the worst.

The woman in front of her frowned at that, probably wondering what was the motivation behind the question.

''About a year ago.'' Sara told her, studying her.

Maggie ignored the scrutiny in her eyes and refrained herself from sighing out of relief. She couldn't believe that for a brief second, she thought that Alex could have cheated on her. She felt bad, having a hard time to swallow, the idea of her ex-wife falling and being broken in the doctor's arms killing her. She wondered what had caused Alex to feel so distressed. She remembered how hard it had been for her to let herself go with Patty, to be intimate with her. _Oh_ , she had started dating Patty a year ago. Were the two events linked?

''Just so you know, Alex and I aren't in any type of relationship. Truth is, she gets what she wants or needs from me but never lets me return the favor. Not after that day.'' Sara pointed out.

Maggie was surprised at that. Somehow, she couldn't imagine Alex like this. Simply taking what she wanted and not caring about Sara's own wishes. Alex had always been so careful with her, so caring and loving. Even when it was rougher, Alex always checked in with her, always made sure she was comfortable.

It was as if Sara was talking about another person. Maggie's mind crumbled at that. Alex _had_ become another person with time. _No_ , she stopped herself from going further, she had seen her ex-wife earlier today. She had seen _her_ Alex, the mother of her kid and the love of her life. Prison had taken it toll on her, but Maggie had looked in her eyes. _It was her_. Pain and sorrow still deep in her cheeks, her pupils still a little lost as guilt twisted her mouth, but the way she smiled when their eyes met, she knew a piece of her home was right there on the other side of the glass.

''Why do you accept that, then? Why do you keep...seeing her?'' Maggie couldn't help but ask.

Sara snickered and shook her head, asking for a wine refill to the waiter. Maggie stopped breathing, not wanting to smell the wine. This whole day had been overwhelming.

''My job is not about regular hours, Ms. Sawyer. Dating is hard and Alex...is...well, you know what it's like to have her hands on you.'' Sara answered, unapologetically.

Maggie gulped down the memories and glared at the doctor. She knew alright. Alex and her always had a special kind of intimacy and the thought of Alex touching someone else, the very woman in front of her made her feel sick. She was too tired to talk about this, to imagine her ex-wife doing the things to Sara, the things she used to do with her.

''Look, I'm gonna be honest here, Alex may have fucked me a couple of times during the past year, but she has and always been in love you.'' Sara told her with a jealousy of her own in her eyes.

There it was. The reason Maggie why couldn't for the life of her hate Alex. But god, she pissed her off. If she loved her so much, how could she push her away like this? Why did she abandon her in the first place? Left her with more grief, and one more loss she couldn't handle.

''How did Alex cross your path? When was the first time Alex came to consult you about her doubts?'' Maggie asked.

Sara took a moment to think and Maggie retrieved her small notebook to distract herself from the spiraling thoughts. She needed to focus. She had to gain as much information to formulate a plan.

''To answer your first question, well, the first time I heard of inmate 2142, I was treating another inmate and had several others waiting in line. Apparently, Alex got into a fight with a crew and managed to beat them all.''

Maggie lifted her head at that, surprised. How was it nobody had told her about this?

''I know.'' Sara replied impressed, seeing her reaction ''Before you ask, it happened around half a year after Alex was incarcerated.''

Maggie thought of the timeline and came to the conclusion that it had happened a little before their divorce. Why Alex hadn't talked to her about this? She wrote the date and the event down.

''Who was it? That crew she fought?'' Maggie questioned, sitting on the edge of her seat.

Sara looked at her as if she was crazy.

''You know that's classified, I can't tell you that.'' the doctor refuted.

Maggie smiled sourly at her.

''And I could call your boss to tell him you've been sleeping with an inmate and ran a few errands for her outside of the workplace.'' Maggie replied curtly, thinking of what Kara told her about Dr.Tancredi drawing Alex's blood and having tested it at her friend's clinic.

Sara scoffed and blinked at her, her fingers rubbing together again.

''That would put Alex in trouble as well. She could be sent to solitary confinement.''

Maggie kept her mouth shut about the screwed up system and kept up with her act.

''Hmm and something tells me you wouldn't let that happen.'' she commented.

The woman crossed her arms over the table and nodded slowly, an unimpressed look settled on her perfect traits.

''It was Glorya Mendez's crew. She goes by the name Glory. Do whatever you want with this, but don't get me involved.'' Sara told her curtly.

Maggie froze at the familiar name. Glory. She was certain she had dealt with someone with that name in the past. One of her first cases as a newly promoted detective. If she remembered correctly, Glory had slashed open her drug mules to secure her package, leaving the bodies behind.

The woman took a moment to breathe, thinking about Alex facing that criminal. What had happened? Why had they faced each other? Maggie knew how strong and how good of a fighter her ex-wife was, but going through a whole crew was insane. She couldn't believe that this was the same woman that used to play with her hair and tell their daughter a story about a princess saving her dragon. It was true that Alex had gone on several violent sprees in the past. They had worked so hard together on her anger. Found better ways to cope. But instincts couldn't entirely be changed.

God, what if Alex had lost the fight? Would Glorya have butchered her like she had done with her girlfriends. Maggie held her breath and closed her eyes, images from the case coming back and making her want to throw up.

''Hey, are you okay?'' Sara asked, finally snapping her out of it.

Maggie opened her eyes, looking at the worried woman in front of her. She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

''I'm good. Keep going.''

Sara hesitated and nodded slowly.

''Well, I visited her in solitary to deal with her bloody fists and a couple of cuts. I think I was the first member of the staff to treat her like a person. She talked to me and thanked me.'' Sara told her, looking afar to focus on the details. ''Through our...meetings, she slowly opened up to me and with time, I noticed she lost a bit of weight. It's not totally uncommon in prison with the food, but she was paler as well and was out of breath faster.''

Maggie pressed her hand against her mouth to shut off her yell of frustration. She should have been there. She was the one that was supposed to hold her hand to reassure her. The symptoms were worrisome and despite the circumstances, she was glad that Dr. Tancredi noticed them.

''I told Alex about my worries and that's when she admitted that she suspected she was sick for quite some time.'' Sara sighed, upset just thinking about it. ''I did a full exam and as you know, drew some blood, had it tested. It was clear she was indeed sick and while I could tell it was similar to cancer, I took it upon myself to bring the results to Alex's mom.''

Maggie swallowed at that. If Sara hadn't seen through Alex's act, maybe her ex-wife would have kept it hidden until it was too late. Maggie ignored the betrayal she felt at the idea of Eliza meeting with Dr. Tancredi. Eliza had been her constant, the one in her corner, always. But she couldn't blame her for putting her daughter first. She would have done the same.

''Alex, did she try to come up with a treatment, with anything that could help her?'' Maggie asked, feeling like this was the most important question of all.

Sara sighed and looked at her with empathy and sadness in her eyes.

''She did. She tried. When Dr. Danvers showed me the possible course of action, I told Alex about it and she was hopeful, that much I could tell. But a week later, she told me to stop everything, that she refused to do it. That it was too late.'' Sara explained.

Maggie breathed out heavily, relieved that at least, Alex had truly tried and hadn't just gave up from the start. But if Eliza Danvers, and assuming the rest of the family had tried as well, had failed to come up with a solution, how would she be able to do it?

''At any point, did Alex mention something that could work? Some crazy possibility?''

Sara frowned at that and stayed silent for almost a minute, deep in thought and careful with her answer.

''Look, Alex's expertise was way above mine. I didn't understand half the things what she was saying.'' Sara told her and Maggie had to repress her scoff, knowing the feeling ''But I heard her mumbling a couple of times about some myth called Project Prometheus.''

Maggie straightened herself up, dumbfounded. She was aware of that project founded by no other than Luthorcorp, but still, she was surprised to hear about it because the project was from another earth and from what she knew, on this earth, it never saw the light of day. She would have to ask Lena about it.

She wrote down a few more lines and Maggie took a moment to breathe, her mind on fire. Eventually, she got up, throwing a couple of bills on the table. Reaching out a hand to Sara Tancredi, she asked her:

''If I ever need you, can I count on you?''

The doctor seemed surprised by her sudden departure and calm behavior, but nodded and shook her hand.

 

_The second level of the warehouse was on fire. Maggie got out of the car and started running like she never has before. Alex stopped in front of the DEO team with her hands up while Maggie ran past them, ignoring their warning._

_''Stop! Don't shoot! Hey, hey, stand down!'' Alex shouted._

_Maggie didn't look back to see if she was safe to go, she jumped head first into the warehouse, automatically feeling the warmth of the flames. She coughed, the smoke being heavy._

_''MARA?!'' she called out, looking around for the stairs._

_The first level was mostly cleared except for the smoke and Maggie figured that her daughter must be on the second level where the fire was. Covering her mouth with her elbow, she walked up the screeching stairs, calling out Mara's name._

_''Mara, can you hear me?!'' Maggie shouted before stopping._

_The corridor to her right was inaccessible, the fire was spreading across the wall and ceiling. She backtracked to the left and reached the front of the building. Walking along the wall, she picked up a remnant of a metal pipe from the floor and broke all the windows, breathing a bit of fresh air, black smoke soon swallowing her._ _She didn't take the time to look below to see what was going on with the tactical team and stepped back to find her daughter._

_''Mara, I'm gonna find you, sweetie! We're here to bring home, babygirl!'' Maggie kept yelling, in the hope of a response._

_Over the roar of the flames, Maggie heard some sniffling. She followed the sound and reached out to a door. She flinched back, the door being too warm and cursed._

_''Mara, sweetie, it's me. I get that you're scared, but we have to get you out of here.'' Maggie told her._

_''No! You should leave!'' the seven year old replied._

_Maggie felt her heart break but refused to give into the panic. Taking a few steps back, she ran and threw herself into the door. It thankfully opened as Maggie groaned, her shoulder hurting._

_''No! You need to leave!'' Mara sobbed._

_Maggie lifted her eyes and froze at what she saw. The whole room was on fire and in the middle of it, Mara was in a bubble of pink and purple flames, orange streaks rising up. Her daughter hid her face in her arms and if Maggie looked closely, she thought she could see wings of fire by her little girl's body._

_''Mara?'' she called out softly, bending in front of her ''It's me, it's mama, we gotta move, it's not safe here.''_

_Mara shook her head and kept crying, lifting her face toward Maggie. Her eyes were glowing, a bright orange replacing it usual stunning gray._

_''I shouldn't have called you that.'' Mara said through hiccups._

_A part of Maggie broke, but the woman ignored it, focusing on her little girl's needs._

_''That's okay, baby, you don't have to call us anything if you don't want to. We just want you to feel safe, sweetie.'' Maggie reassured her, feeling tears in her eyes._

_Mara cried even more, making Maggie feel desperate. She knew the warehouse was about to collapse and she could hear Alex looking for them._

_''No, I don't...I...''Mara sniffled, scrooching forward ''I want you to be safe...from me.''_

_Maggie's throat gave in as she whimpered, a cough making her fall on her knees. Mara panicked, crawling closely, the flames following her movement. She pulled back and Maggie's jaw tightened, upset at the world for making her daughter think she needed to be far away from them._

_''I already hurt my parents. I don't want you and mommy to get hurt too.'' Mara explained, her now gray eyes begging to understand._

_Maggie shook her head, not getting how old her little girl looked in that moment. Alex thankfully arrived and kneeled by Maggie's size._

_''Oh my god, Mara. Are you guys, okay? We have to leave now before the building collapses.'' Alex told them, urgency in her voice._

_Mara stepped back toward the nearest wall, setting it aflame. Maggie pulled Alex back, holding on to her hand. She leaned forward, reaching out for Mara._

_''I don't care if I have to bring you home with my bare hands, babygirl. I don't care if sometimes we get burnt. You are our daughter and we love you. All of you. We are not losing you today and you'll never lose us, Mara.'' Maggie thundered, feeling Alex squeezed her hand._

_The three of them were shaking with tears in their eyes and just as Mara nodded and reached out to them, the floor opened under her. The two women gasped and leaped forward, each grabbing a hand. Alex and Maggie let out a yell, their hands burning until Alex pulled out blue bracelets, snapping them around Mara's wrists._

_The burn and the pink fire stopped as Alex pulled Mara up, the girl landing in Maggie's lap. The woman hugged her close as Mara cried but Alex pushed them up, forcing them to get out of the room toward the window where a firetruck crane was waiting for them._ _Once their feet touched the ground, Alex hugged her wife and their daughter, kissing their foreheads as Mara apologized for the million time._

_''It's okay, babygirl. You're safe, we all are. That's all that matters.'' Maggie whispered, meeting Alex's teary eyes._

_Alex guided her family back to the SUV, gently sitting Maggie in the backseat, Mara asleep and wrapped around her. The two mothers looked at each other with relief and love in their eyes as the rest of the world behind them kept moving noisily._

_''Thank you.'' Alex eventually said._

_Maggie frowned at that and tipped her head to the side with a silent question on her lips. Alex swallowed, pushing back her wife's hair, her other hand in Mara's pink messy locks._

_''For being you. For being the amazing mother that you are. Look how far you've come. You were so convinced of not wanting to be a mom and you just saved our daughter with nothing but your love.'' Alex said with a wet smile, stroking Maggie's cheek. ''You're the best mother this kid could have asked for, Maggie Sawyer.''_

_Maggie cried as Alex dropped a kiss on her temple, breathing her in, forgiving her for the name mishap. Maggie turned her head, kissing her wife's cheek and pulled back, smiling at her._

_''You, Danvers, gave me the life I never thought I deserved or wanted. You saved me first, with nothing but your love.'' Maggie replied, emotionally drained._

_Alex nodded jerkily and exhaled a 'you too' before leaning_ _forward, clasping their mouths together, almost hurting Maggie. She slowly softened the kiss and Maggie breathed deeply, pulling her wife close before looking down at Mara. She wiped her little girl's dry tears,_ _wondering but not really giving a damn what exactly Mara Danvers was, only thing mattering that she was theirs._

 

Maggie entered her apartment, closing the door behind her with a heavy sigh. She was exhausted from the day, the confrontations and the discovered truth. She took off her jacket and threw it away on the chair nearby and walked into the living room, relieved to see her family.

Eliza was sitting down in the armchair, with Jonn and Kara standing by her side, Lena opposite to them, looking perfect and professional as always. Winn, James and Lucy were together on the bigger couch, waiting patiently. All eyes were on her.

Maggie walked up quietly to them, putting her hands on her hips. She looked at everyone and she could sense the worry, probably all thinking they were here to have a piece of her mind.

''I want to thank you all for being here. I'll get straight to the point.'' Maggie told them unequivocally ''I want to break Alex out of jail.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhhhhh, there it is!!! Did you guys enjoy the chapter?? Drop a comment, pretty please :)x  
> #SanversEndgame


	7. To our broken hearts and our broken lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I seriously lost motivation for this chapter, so I'm surprised you're getting an update this fast. Just know your comments are the reason I keep writing. In case you didn't know, Patty Spivot was a character on the Flash, played by Shantel Vansanten.  
> Hope you're still enjoying this story despite the angst. Thank you for sticking with me.

''I want to break Alex out of jail.'' Maggie announced them.

 They all stared at her, their reactions similar and somehow entirely different from each other, their own desires and morals conflicting. Lucy was the first one to move, to scoff.

''I'm gonna go ahead and say what everybody is thinking...are you insane, Sawyer?'' she retorted.

Maggie didn't have the time to react, Winn taking the lead, shaking his head at his friend.

''Speak for yourself, Lane. I, for one, never understood why we let Alex rot in jail for so long.'' the man replied.

The major chuckled drily, standing up, Winn doing the same. Maggie sighed tiredly, going into the kitchen to serve herself a glass of sparkling water.

''Maybe because she murdered a man? She snatched him right in front of his house with dozens of witnesses. She committed the crime, Schott!'' Lucy said, her neck turning red.

 Winn shook his head even harder, frustration shaking his small frame as he put a hand on his hip, the other pointing at the woman in front of him.

''Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same if that piece of garbage had killed Mack instead!''

James stood up abruptly, pushing back his two friends, a hand on their shoulders as Jonn moved to stand by Winn's side.

''Hey, hey, don't bring my son into this, man.'' he pleaded Winn with a flame in his brown eyes.

''You know, she wouldn't have been in jail in the first place if you hadn't given Alex all the information about that bastard!'' Lucy told him, causing Winn to flinch at that.

It caused the whole family to break into a chaos of blame and shouts. Maggie put down harshly her glass on the counter, drop of water flying on her hand and sleeve.

''Enough!'' she thundered, moving back into the living room. ''Nothing could have stopped Alex from getting revenge. We all could have done something more, but we can't change the past. I tried to move on with my life, we all tried, but I'm tired to lie to myself.''

 Lena was the first to take a step forward, empathy all over her face. She knew what it was like to be truly alone. Heck, they all did. They all found their place in the world in this family.

''You really want to do this, Maggie? Break Alex out of jail?'' the woman asked slowly.

 Maggie took a deep breath. For first time in a long time, she didn't feel the pressure of her loss, she felt hope.

''Yes, not only I want to do this, but I need to.'' she told her before looking at her family ''Alex is dying, I have to do something.''

 Kara looked down at her hands, frowning, her mouth twisted in a way Maggie couldn't decipher. She tried to seek her eyes, but the superhero wouldn't budge, not even at the touch of Eliza's hand at the small of her back.

''Kara...'' Maggie started but the blonde finally lifted her head, her blue eyes hard as steel.

''Don't you think we wanted to do something, Maggie? That we didn't try? She's my sister! I would do anything for her. But she doesn't want to be save, remember?'' her voice broke.

Everybody in the room looked down at their feet and it reminded Maggie too much of Mara's funerals. She had barely survived that, she wouldn't bury her wife as well, she just couldn't. Maggie approached the Danvers women.

''I looked into her eyes, Kara. She doesn't want to die.'' Maggie told her with certainty.

Kara's eyes got wide, tears falling down her cheeks. Her breath quickened as Eliza's hold in the air in her lungs. Maggie smiled wetly at them and nodded reassuringly, promising them it was the truth.

''I swear it, Eliza. She's scared, she doesn't want to lose all of us yet, but she doesn't know how to beat this. Apparently, your treatment isn't the solution.'' Maggie explained slowly.

Eliza gasped, her hand in front of her mouth before pulling Maggie in, her shaky arms hugging her close.

''Why didn't she tell me? We lost so much time already, I need to start over, I...''

Maggie stopped her, pulling back and shushing her. She looked into her blue orbs and while the woman looked nothing like her ex-wife, the vulnerability in her mouth and the bravery in her eyes were exactly the same.

''It's okay. I found a way. I think.'' Maggie told them.

 

_Maggie stumbled her way out of her daughter's bed, hanging on to the bottle of Jack Daniels. She managed to walk down the stairs without tripping, her hand tight around the railing. The nearly 40-year-old woman breathed through her nose and winced at her own smell, alcohol filling her senses._

_Stepping into the kitchen, Maggie reached out for a glass, filling it with water. She gulped it down before emptying the bottle of Jack. She let it fall in the sink, regretting it when the noise made her head pound. Avoiding her fridge covered of Mara's drawing, old grocery list and pictures of her and_ _Alex, Maggie looked around the messy house. She didn't even have the energy to care._

_Her eyes caught sight of unopened mail and Maggie sighed deeply, putting her drink down before trotting her way toward it. Leaning on the wall, she bends down to retrieve the masses of envelope. She walked back toward the kitchen island and threw them on it._

_Maggie came to ignore the bills when she stopped in her tracks, recognizing the logo of Alex's lawyer firm. Frowning at the mail with her name on it, she slowly opened it._

_Her fingers let the papers down as a quiet rage filled her, silent tears falling on her cheeks. She felt her throat burn and truthfully a wildfire ravaging her insides. She stood there, arms braced but her heart not ready to face this. Her wife's signature on a divorce document. Maggie nodded and bowed her head, a sob wrecking her, making her shoulders tremble._

_''You're so willing to give up on you that you're giving up on me? On us?'' Maggie roared between her teeth._

_She looked over the papers, her eyes landing on a pen and her glass of bourbon. She reached for them both, tiredly with a renewed anger. Feeling the weight of the world on her back, she sagged against the cold counter, her pounding forehead welcoming the cold of the marble. Maggie kept jolting, pain and tears flooding her. How could she do this? How could the woman she loved so deeply could sign off the one thing that meant they were over?_

_Maggie was exhausted. So, so exhausted to fight alone. To be alone. Without her daughter and her wife. The woman lifted her head and slowly signed her own name beside Alex's. She sobbed heavily, her fingers tracing the letters of her now ex-wife's name. Maggie pushed the paper away and raised up her glass._

_''To our broken hearts and our broken lives, my love.'' Maggie toasted before swallowing the alcohol._

_She turned around and threw her glass with all her might and all that might have been, causing it to shatter against the wall near the living room. She looked down at pieces, unsatisfied, her whole being far more broken._

_Maggie grabbed a chair and threw it across the house, not even bothering to look where it landed and what it crashes. She went on and on, drank and drank, until she fell unconscious, drowning in her own vomit._

 

_White noises were slowly waking her up. Maggie tried to ignore it but she swore she could hear Mara's voice. Calling her, beckoning her to wake up. Had she overslept? Was Mara late for school._

_''Mama! You're not done yet!'' her little girl laughed._

_Maggie managed to look around the white room. It was similar to Mara's bedroom, but whiter, cleaner, more static. A flash of pink brought her closer to the white bed. Mara was peeking over the comforter, her gray eyes full of mischief. Maggie walked numbly toward her as the little girl smiled, eyeing the copy of Harry Potter and the order of phoenix on the nightstand. Maggie frowned and traced the phoenix on the book and looked back to Mara._

_''Come on, Mama. We are not done yet.'' Mara repeated seriously._

_Her eyes glowed, orange streaks rising and her hair started to move, an invisible wind blowing them._

_''You are not allowed to die.'' Mara added with sadness and regret tinging her words._

_Maggie blinked, the white walls disappearing, shifting into a dark room. Maggie could feel the flames surrounding them, threatening to burn her alive. She turned around and faced a much older Mara. Nearly a teenager, the girl's face was unreadable._

  _'I know it hurts, I know you're scared. But you're strong. You're loved. You're my mother and always will be.'' Mara told her with strength in her voice_

_''We are not losing you today and you'll never lose me, mama.''_

  _Maggie fell to her knee, looking up at her beautiful daughter that looked like an angel. Mara kneeled down to face her and put a hand on Maggie's heart. The woman sucked in a breath, gasping for air as pain flooded her entire body, realizing that the fire around the room was actually in her chest the whole time._

  _Maggie leaned back on the floor, Mara's warm hands guiding her. She laid by her side, shushing her while Maggie kept trembling, her body seeking relief._

  _''Shh, you need to rest while I rest. I promise we'll see each other again, mama.'' Mara whispered. ''In the meantime,... live.''_

_Maggie woke up to the harsh lighting of a hospital room, the cold and pain crushing her body. Kara and Eliza Danvers stood up from their chairs, relief washing over them as they each took a hand. She held on to them, to their warmth and Mara's promise._

 

''What do you mean you found a way?'' Lena asked Maggie, an eyebrow arched.

Maggie sat down in the armchair and sighed.

''Alex mentioned something to Sara Tancredi, the prison doctor.'' Maggie informed them, shying away the irritation of saying the woman's name.

''Project Prometheus.''

Half the room went silent, all shrugging having no idea what it meant. Only Jonn moved, crossing his arms over his chest as he casted a glance toward Lucy.

''Project Prometheus? Wasn't that a myth from Cadmus's never achieved projects list.'' Jonn wondered out loud.

Lucy frowned at that and half-shook her head.

''It's not a Cadmus project. My father insisted on that even when Cadmus and the DEO were still linked. It was from an outside source. It was why nobody looked into it, we thought it was best because of how powerful it is. The army tried to pursue it but were thankfully shut down.''

Jonn nodded while everybody looked lost. Lena gracefully sat on the coffee table, crossing her legs.

''I never heard of it myself or have any knowledge of it from Lex's files.'' Lena told him, questions visible on her face.

Kara moved to stand beside Lena, squeezing her shoulder. Lena gave her a small smile and Maggie decided to cut the suspense.

''Probably because the project is from Earth 17. I know this is where it comes from.''

Winn and James shared a stunned look while Kara blinked at Maggie.

''When I first started as a beat cop, me and my partner encountered a portal during a call in Metropolis. One person came out of it, fighting off a group of three. She clearly had the upper hand and even saved my partner's life before a stray bullet hit him. She had all of your powers, Kara.'' Maggie told her.

Eliza stared at Maggie while Kara's eyes got wide.

''I don't understand where you're going with this.'' James questioned, sharing everybody's thoughts.

''She wasn't kryptonian.'' Lena understood quickly ''That project gave her these powers?''

Maggie nodded slowly looking at the genius in front of her, knowing all of her hope relied on the people in this very room.

''Yes. Project Prometheus was Lex's last chance at survival, at healing from his wound and heck, even close to be immortal.'' Maggie explained ''He hired Dr. Edward Groll to create a suit. It's a nanotechnology mixed with alien DNA. Specifically, with Clark Kent's DNA. Once the suit is worn, it becomes a part of you.''

James and Kara's hands curled into fists as Lena looked down on the floor, her eyes already mapping schematics.

''Wait, wait.'' Lucy intervened ''The woman that came out of the portal. She just told you all of this?''

Maggie ignored the incredulity in her voice, always hating it when people under-estimated her, but she knew now wasn't the time for that.

''She did. While she still had her powers, after an encounter with John Corben, she became weaker, the technology slowly fading.'' Maggie added ''She needed a place to lay low and rest so I brought her back to my place. She gave me a brief recap about her life and how that suit helped her being a better person. That woman's name is Lana Lang.''

 James and Eliza lifted an eyebrow at that, recognizing the name. It was Clark's high school sweetheart.

''Lana had a deeper motivation when she reached out to Dr. Groll about the experiment. She wanted to be with Clark in every sense of the way.''

Maggie continued, managing to keep her voice steady ''And it worked until Lex paid Winslow Schott to plot his revenge because she stole his suit.''

Everybody stayed quiet, all struggling to wrap their head around this. Winn looked away, uncomfortable and Jonn simply put a hand on his back, silently reassuring him. Maggie felt bad for him, it must be weird to hear about the things your other self did on another earth. A part of you wondering if there was any way you could have done the same in this very life. Maggie wondered if Mara existed on all those other earths and if she was still alive.

Maggie shook her head, knowing it wouldn't do any good to go down that road. She took a second to gather her thoughts and to breathe.

''The one thing she hadn't planned when she went through the experiment, ''Maggie finally said ''the one power she hadn't planned to gain was the Kryptonite absorption.''

They all looked up at that, their attention piqued, their hearts fastening. Kara and Eliza held each other's hands as if their lives depended on it.

''Could we...could we recreate that technology?'' Kara asked them slowly.

Lena and Winn looked at each other, hope and excitement lighting up their eyes at the idea of being able to save their friend. Eliza quickly stood up between them with her hands up.

''But wait, we'd still need a subject to go through it.'' she pointed it.

Maggie stayed silent for a couple of second, slowly nodding. Kara took a step toward her, fear making her look far younger.

''No, Maggie. Don't even think about it.'' Kara argued brokenly. ''The more you'd absorb kryptonite...I...it will come a time I won't be able to be near you. I refused to lose another sister.''

Maggie stood up and grabbed Kara's shoulders, shushing her softly.

''Hey, hey, breathe little Danvers. The thought did cross my mind but Lana was specific, she said she had gone through a certain kind of training, immune herself to pain before going through the experiment. We need someone with a strong mind.'' Maggie explained.

Kara nodded, still uncertain as Maggie squeezed the back of her neck reassuringly.

''I'll do it.'' Jonn announced gravelly ''I couldn't save Alex in the past, if there's any way I can help her, I'll do it.''

Maggie turned toward the man, toward everybody's father figure. She knew how guilty he felt when Alex went to jail and how the death of Mara brought him back to his own daughter's deaths. He must be tired to lose the people he loved.

''But Jonn!'' Kara refuted, sadness and betrayal painted on the superhero's face.

Lena pulled her back while Eliza stepped forward.

''Jonn, let's take a minute to think about this.'' Eliza said calmly ''You already sacrificed your powers when you brought Kara to the sun to save her life and while I'm grateful for everything you did, we need to think this through. Maybe now is the time to call him in.''

The man got closer to the Danvers matriarch, his usually soft brown eyes firing up. Maggie frowned at the inquisition, wondering if her suspicions were right.

''No!'' Jonn refused strongly. ''He wasn't there for his daughters when they needed him the most, we can manage without him.'' he thundered.

Winn seemed to fold unto itself and Lena jumped slightly at the steel in his voice, but Eliza didn't move, simply crossing her arms over her chest.

''Don't let your pride get in the way, Jonn.'' she sighed ''I understand how protective you are of my girls, but you said it, Alex and Kara are still his daughters and he would do anything for Alex.''

Maggie swallowed the anger and stood up from her seat just as Kara let herself fall carefully with Lena and Lucy's support.

''Since when do you have contact with Jeremiah?'' Maggie asked Jonn and Eliza.

Eliza looked down, pain and sadness showing Maggie how old and exhausted the woman was. Jonn sighed, putting his hand on the scientist's shoulder.

''A few weeks after Mara's funerals.'' the woman told them.

Maggie's insides flinched at her daughter's name but approached the woman cautiously, focusing on the newfound information.

''Why didn't you tell us?''

Eliza shrugged and winced, painfully reminding Maggie of Alex.

''We were all drowning in grief, in anger. When he first reached out, I was scared. This family had gone through enough.'' Eliza said, her voice breaking

''I wanted to protect all of you from him. Eventually Jonn got wind of it and we handled Jeremiah together ever since.''

Maggie nodded slowly, squeezing Eliza's shoulders, feeling surprisingly safe in the embrace of her surrogate parents' figure.

''You, Danvers women, are annoyingly protective.''

''You're one to talk, sweetheart.'' Eliza replied with a sad smile, her hand stroking Maggie's cheek ''One visit with my daughter in over two years and you're willing to break her out of jail.''

 Maggie bit her lips, feeling herself tearing up. She turned around when she heard Lucy objecting once more.

''But what kind of a life will Alex have?'' Lucy argued ''On the lam, needing to visit her estranged father or adopted father to get better. Alone and on the run.''

 Maggie faced her friend, starting to get frustrated. She forced herself to calm down, knowing she was just looking out for her.

''She won't be alone.'' Maggie announced. ''I'm gonna run with her.''

The whole family looked at her with wide eyes and objections on the edge of their lips.

''I still love her. I'd do anything for her.'' Maggie told them with a shrug, as if to say they already knew this.

Winn looked away with tears in his eyes as Lena held Kara close, the blonde superhero crying, visibly broken. Lucy was obviously pissed off, marching toward Maggie with her hands on her hips.

''Even lose your freedom? Your career?'' Lucy retorted in disbelief ''You do know that the second you do this...you sign up for a life running away. You and Alex has changed, Maggie. You two have many unresolved issues. For God sake, you have a girlfriend. Is all of this worth being sacrificed?'' Lucy questioned as James softly pulled her back.

Maggie felt her heart break at the idea of hurting Patty, of letting her go. Even her job. It had always been important to her and even more now, building a foster system for the alien community. But she had thought things through. She wasn't going back.

''For a life with Alex, yes.'' Maggie simply answered.

Lucy fell back on the couch, shaking her head as James imitated her. Kara finally broke down, her feelings too intense and twisted, happiness, relief and loss sucking into a whirlwind of emotions. She left the living room to enter the bathroom, Eliza quickly following her.

''How do you intend of getting her out, Maggie?'' Winn asked to cut the tension.

The woman shook her head, haven't planned this far. She looked down, feeling back the pressure of not measuring up.

''You and Lena focused on Project Prometheus. I'm gonna deal with the prison break.'' Maggie refuted.

Lena nodded while Lucy scoffed, James staying silent by her side. Maggie rolled the eyes as Jonn quietly let her know he was on her side.

''Maggie, you don't have to do this alone.'' Winn argued.

''I kind of do. I don't want anyone to be involved. I might need your help on certain details, but when the day come, I'm getting Alex out, on my own.'' Maggie told him unequivocally.

Kara shyly came back in the room with Eliza's arm wrapped around her shoulder. The front door of the apartment opened behind them and everybody froze. Maggie gulped, knowing who it was. She turned around, facing her girlfriend in the threshold.

''What's going on, here?'' Patty smiled nervously ''I wasn't aware there was a family meeting.''

Maggie felt the guilt twisting her stomach as everyone picked up their coat, squeezing Maggie's shoulder on the way out.

''Hey babe, we need to talk.''

 

_Maggie was sitting down on the cold floorboard against the closed door leading to the room with all of Mara's stuff. She couldn't get herself to open it. Because if she did, she would open the bottle of whiskey in front of her. Whiskey. The same color of Alex's eyes. Alex that divorced her a year ago._

  _She twirled the bottle once more, wishing her ex-wife would appear at the end of it and kiss her like she used to do during game nights with their family. She remembered Lucy and Winn cheering while Alexis and Mara pretended to be disgusted, except her daughter had a beaming smile._

  _The front door opened and Patty quickly found her. She stopped in her tracks, relieved to see the unopen bottle. Maggie looked at the sandy blond woman squatting down in front of her in her grey Henley, black blazer and black jeans._

" _You look good Spivot, you know that?'' Maggie told her, almost slurring her words._

_Patty half smiled, half frowned at that. She tapped the whiskey bottle with the tip of her finger._

_"If this wasn't sealed, I would think you are drunk, Maggie.'' Patty retorted with a twinkle in her light green eyes._

_Maggie shook her head tiredly and played with the sleeves of Alex's sweater._

'' _I'm drunk on the pain of my memories, Patty.''_

_T_ _he detective hummed and pushed the bottle out of reach before sitting down by Maggie's side._

_''You've very poetic tonight.'' Patty commented._

_Maggie wanted to punch her perfect teeth, to see her stop smiling all the damn time around her. She wondered if her pink lips were as soft as her pale skin. Maggie looked away, fighting the urge to throw up._

 " _I'm glad you called me, Maggie. You're strong, you know that?''_

_Maggie scoffed, coming to lean her head back against the door but landed in Patty's hand, the woman having anticipated the move._

_''I'm not strong. I had to call you because I was about to open that damn bottle.'' Maggie argued._

_Patty shook her head patiently and smiled down at her._

_''But you didn't. Now, talk to me. What's going on in your head? What made you want to give in?''_

_Maggie looked away and Patty pulled back, knowing when to give her space._

_"Alex called today. Didn't even say a word but I knew what it was about. It was about the divorce.''_

_Maggie struggled to swallow and forced herself to look at her friend. Patty was already seeking her eyes, frowning._

" _Do you think she's regretting it?'' she asked._

_The woman sighed and shrugged. It was weird to talk about this with Patty when she knew the detective had feelings for her. But she was her closest friend._

_''I know she is. Because I do too'' Maggie answered before mumbling ''Sorry...''_

_Patty tipped her head and smiled softly, reaching out to squeeze her hand._

' _'It's okay, we promised to be truthful to each other.''_

_Maggie shook her head and looked down at her sweater, her fingertips reaching to the bracelet on her right wrist._

_''I miss her, Patty. I miss my daughter more than anything else. I miss my house. I moved out of our house. The house we bought together, the house we_ _watched Mara grow. And now I'm here...alone...''_

_''You're not alone.'' Patty cut her off gently. ''I know it feel like it most of the time, I know you have your ghosts following you, but you're not alone. When me and my husband broke it off when our son died, I lost his family as well. But you still have them and you have me.''_

_Maggie nodded, sometimes forgetting just how much Patty could understand her. It sometimes made her feel uncomfortable because Alex used to be that person. But Alex had made her choices._

_''I know. I'm grateful for you, Patty.'' Maggie said, looking at her friend._

_She saw her beauty, in and out. How she healed even if the pain and the anger left it marks on her heart. Maggie didn't think she could reach such grace. Didn't know if she even wanted to. She reached to Patty, her finger tracing the sharpness of her jaw, the delicate line of her mouth, the contrast reminding her of someone else._

_Maggie pushed the thought and the guilt away, focusing on the woman in front of her. Patty stayed still, breathing through her nose, her mouth slightly agape and hopeful. She waited until Maggie was closed enough, sure enough before leaning and brushing their mouths together. They kissed and Maggie found herself enjoying it, the tingling in her lips briefly bringing her back to life. She smiled slowly, relieved to be able to still feel this. She pushed forward, tasting Patty's lips and looked down when she realized how unfamiliar it was. She twisted her hands in her lap out of guilt, toward Alex and toward Patty._

_The CCPD cop lifted her chin up with a soft smile of her own and shrugged._

_''You're not ready.'' she said calmly ''It's okay. It's okay if you never will be and we never do this again, Maggie. I know I'm not her, but I care about you. I love you for who you are and I just want to be there for you, in any way I can help.''_

_Maggie swallowed with difficulty, wondering if she would ever be able to make her grief of Alex's lips and arms to be able to start something new with Patty._

" _You're too good for me, Patty.'' she whispered, frustration lacing her words._

_The detective caressed her neck and Maggie closed her eyes, the inner battle exhausting her. She forced herself to open her eyes to meet green one, or else she'd let herself get lost in the touch._

_''No, you're the one that is too good for this world, Maggie Sawyer.'' Patty retorted with kind eyes, pulling her in close._

_Maggie did her best to not wince at her last name and hid her face in Patty's shoulder and her hands in her sweater, wishing to feel short redhead hair tickling her cheek._

 

''Hey babe, we need to talk.''

Patty frowned and walked toward Maggie, letting her purse fall by her side as she lifted her hand to press it against her girlfriend's forehead.

"Hey, are you okay, baby? You're so pale.''

Maggie grabbed her hands and pulled them down, repressing a sigh. She guided Patty to the couch, sitting in front of her.

''I'm fine, I'm okay...I'm...no, okay, I'm not.'' Maggie decided to be truthful.

Patty nodded worriedly, stroking Maggie's knee.

''How was your visit with Alex? That must be why you're upset, isn't it?'' Patty guessed.

The other woman scoffed, sometimes not believing how smart and perceptive her girlfriend was.

''It was...eventful.'' Maggie started with a shake of her head ''Alex didn't want Eliza's treatment because she knows it won't work. She doesn't actually want to die, Patty.''

Patty's eyebrows reached her hairline. She opened her mouth but didn't know what to say.

''Well, at least you know that she wasn't just letting herself die. I know how much that pained you. Was that why the family was there? To find a way to help Alex?'' Patty asked.

Maggie sighed, never getting how Patty was this understanding when it came to Alex.

''I actually found a potential solution.'' Maggie admitted slowly.

Patty smiled happily, squeezing her girlfriend's hands.

''Maggie, that's amazing!'' her smile sank when she saw Maggie's eyes. ''What is it?''

''It's not traditional, not even close to be legal. Alex needs to be out of jail to get treatment.'' Maggie explained.

Patty nodded slowly, her thumb tracing circles on the petite woman's skin.

''Did you contact her lawyer? I know her chances are slim, but maybe she could get an appeal.'' Patty commented.

Maggie shook her head once more, rubbing her forehead and mumbling 'Already did'.

''Okay, but I know you. You're not gonna give up, so what are you gonna do?'' Patty questioned.

She knew it wasn't a good idea to look at her in the eyes, but Maggie did it anyway. Patty's reaction was instantaneous.

''Are you serious?'' Patty retorted, getting up ''You were a cop, Maggie. Hell, I am still one. I get that you want to do anything to help her, but breaking her out of jail, really?''

Maggie stood up as well while her girlfriend was pacing.

''Listen, I know that it's intense and borderline delusional, but I have to help her, Patty. No matter what the cost.''

Patty turned to look at her at that and her shoulders sagged forward. She chuckled drily and let herself fall on the coffee table.

''So, what about me, huh? What about us?'' Patty challenged her, knowing where this was going.

Maggie gulped down the guilt, wiping her mouth nervously. Patty reached out, pulling her down on the couch and brining their forehead together.

''You have another option. Let your family help her and focus on your life. You're building an important system for the alien community and I'm here with you. I see a future with you.'' Patty whispered before adding ''I got news today.''

Maggie looked up into her teary green eyes and wiped the rebellious tear, encouraging Patty to keep going.

''I got a call today about this kid needing a home. They'd like me to meet her.''

Maggie froze and pulled back, fear and pain making her heart skip a few beats.

''What the fuck are you saying, Patty?'' Maggie asked, pulling back her hands as if they got burnt.

The woman lifted her own hands, trying to calm her girlfriend down.

''Look, I know that no one can replace Mara...'' Patty started slowly but Maggie cut her off.

''I just can't, Patty. I can't get another kid. I can't be a mother to someone else and I can't do that with...

''With me?'' Patty asked, her face blank. ''Yeah. No one can replace Mara and no one can replace Alex, right?''

Maggie exhaled loudly and shook her head at the impossibility of the situation.

''I was never going to be enough, was I?'' Patty pushed.

Maggie grabbed the detective's hand, pulling her toward her, old wound breaking her heart.

''Hey, hey, no. None of that. You're perfect, Patty. You're kind, you're smart, you're infinitely patient and you deserves the world. You deserve someone who can make you their priority, who can be a parent with you. You were so good to me, helping me heal...''

Patty nodded as she cried, pulling Maggie into a hug.

"But you need to heal with her.'' the woman understood.

Maggie shook against her and sighed, hugging her tightly before pulling back. They looked into each other's eyes, wishing in another lifetime it would have worked.

''I'm not gonna call you or her names.'' Patty chuckled ''I'm not gonna disrespect what you guys had and assume that I'm better for you. Only you can know that.''

The detective trembled, bringing her hand in front of her mouth before lifting it toward Maggie.

''Do I see a future with you? Yes. Do I wish you'd only think of me and doesn't even need to think about this whole thing? Yes.'' Patty said, her voice breaking ''But I respect you and myself enough to walk away if that's what you want me to do.''

A sob broke in Maggie's throat, the woman memorizing the feeling of Patty's hand in hers. The comfort, the friendship, the love.

''I just want you to know that I cherished you.'' Maggie told her ''I didn't use you or anything. I truly care about you and I'll always be grateful for knowing you and loving you.''

Patty smiled at her and traced Maggie's face with her fingertips, creating last memories. Maggie didn't know it would be this hard.

''You made me smile when I thought I wouldn't be able to again. But I always knew it was a burrowed happiness.''

Maggie smiled back, gratefully. Patty was a goddamn angel and she leaned in to kiss her cheek.

''I love you.'' she whispered ''You're such a beautiful person. You deserve everything you want and I'm sorry I can't give it to you.''

Patty pulled back, tracing Maggie's cheek with her nose. She moved her jaw and kissed her slowly and softly, just like their first kiss.

 "I love you, Maggie. I really do. I know a part of you does too, but I also know you love her more. So much more. This whole thing sucks and hurts but I'll live. You and I both went through worse, haven't we?''

Patty kissed Maggie's forehead and got up, her hand falling off of hers. Maggie forced herself to breathe, her heart pounding in her head.

 ''Oh, and Maggie, if you need help getting that wife of yours out of jail, you know where to find me.''

Maggie smiled at her as Patty winked, knowing the detective would always be up for one last adventure together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did some of you find a clue? ;) Feel free to drop some comments about your thoughts on this chapter :)xx


	8. Make it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's another long chapter. I want to thank all of you who left comments and kudos, it's always nice to read that people appreciate your work. It makes up for all the effort and hard work. I'm happy you guys loved Patty, that was a relief.  
> Just know, I'm taking a little break from this story so I can work on a Christmas fic and a few holidays one shot to make up for all the angst I've been given you lately x) But I'll come back to it in a couple of weeks, don't worry.
> 
> Lil warning, there's smut in this chapter during the last flashback (sanvers).

Alex turned around in her bed facing the wall and sighed when she saw Mara by her side. The little girl was small and even younger this time. Alex felt an urge to embrace her, to pull her closer.

''It's too dark here, mommy.'' Mara whispered sadly.

The woman exhaled deeply, the tip of her index caressing her daughter's arm.

''I know, babygirl.'' Alex answered slowly.

Mara pouted and shivered, hiding her hands underneath her face in her hair.

''And cold. I wish mama was here. She's always so warm.'' Mara said.

Alex swallowed heavily, feeling the absence of her ex-wife even more since she saw her a couple of hours ago. She pulled the thin blanket over them, hoping to keep the cold at bay.

''I know. Me too.'' Alex admitted quietly, forcing herself to not cry again.

Mara frowned and tipped her head to the side, looking like Maggie at the moment. Alex sucked in a breath, feeling like someone punched her in the stomach.

''Then why did you push her away?'' the little girl whined.

_For so many reasons_ , Alex thought.

''Because I can't let you go.'' Alex chose to say.

Mara looked down pensively and Alex studied her whole face, wondering what was going on in her head.

''Maybe you should.'' Mara told her.

Alex felt like she was electrocuted. She jumped, her hand reaching up to her daughter's hair.

''No baby, no. I could never.'' Alex said with a mix of steel and softness in her voice.

Mara sighed and looked into her mother's eyes.

''I don't like to see you hurt. I miss your smile.''

Alex frowned and shifted closer to Mara's small body, holding her little hands as much as she could. She smiled down at her.

''Here look at me, it's right there.'' she murmured.

Mara almost scoffed, lifting a finger to poke at her mom's crinkle.

''You're lying.'' she whispered back in the dark.

 

Alex woke up agitated that day. She needed to move, to do something. Ever since she saw Maggie again, it was like her brain had been rewired, commanding her body to follow suit. To do everything she could to see her again. So, she headed to the gym promptly and wore herself out slowly, strategically, knowing she'd be out of breath sooner than usual.

Despite her wishes and reluctance, she felt a revived hope the moment she saw her ex-wife. God, she was still so beautiful. She had turned 40 a few months ago, but Maggie was getting more and more beautiful with every added line besides her eyes. If only she was there every day to see them. If only she had been there for her birthday.

_Alex stood in front of the phone, hesitating to call. It was Maggie's birthday and she was dying to hear her voice, but she felt so selfish for calling her still. For loving her still. She didn't understand why Maggie always answered. Maybe because she still loved her as well? Alex shook her head, refusing to think about the possibility. She didn't deserve her. She had made a choice, killing them both doing so, she had to live with it._

_She almost retrieved her card but a warm wave in her stomach pushed her to do the call. She pressed the memorized numbers and waited patiently, curling her fingers around her arms. She waited and waited until..._

_''Hello?'' a voice answered._

_Alex inhaled deeply, not recognizing the female voice on the other side of the line._

_''Alex, isn't?'' the woman said ''I'm Patty. Maggie is in the shower at the moment, do you want me to get her?''_

_Alex could already hear her walk away and felt her insides crack._

_''No, no, hold up, let's talk a bit actually. You're...you're Maggie's... girlfriend, aren't you?'' Alex managed to say, wincing at the painful statement._

_Her mom had told her two months ago that Maggie was dating a good friend. The news hadn't surprised her, but oh, it had hurt. She was happy that Maggie was moving on, that she was trying her best to live this life, but it cut her open anyway._

_''I am. You heard of me?'' the woman asked curiously._

_Alex didn't notice any trace of annoyance in Patty's voice yet, only patience and it impressed her._

_''Not in details. Only that you were good to her.'' Alex cleared her throat._

_There was a pause before Patty eventually answered her._

_''I'm doing everything I can. I know this is weird for you, but Maggie has good people looking out for her. Your family is great.''_

_Alex looked down and bit her lip, happy that her family had kept their promises to keep being there for Maggie even if the woman tried to push them away._

_''I want to thank you for looking out for her as well, Patty. I know you don't own me anything, but I'm happy Maggie has someone, has...you.''_

_Patty laughed shortly._

_''You're right, I didn't do it for you but I appreciate it anyway. I understand that you hate my guts though, it's part of the deal.''_

_Alex snorted and nodded to no one. Her leg started to shake out of impatience. She felt the need to hit something._

_''Yeah, don't take it personally. Anyway, you must hate me too for hurting her the way I did.'' Alex replied between her teeth, frustrated by the tears gathering in her eyes._

_Patty sighed and waited a few seconds before explaining herself._

_''I think you did what you thought you had to do at the moment.'' she said slowly ''I was in your shoes you know. My father was mugged and murdered on his way to the bank when I graduated from Hudson University. I felt so guilty because I was supposed to make the deposit that day. So, I swore revenge and got into the police academy, making it my mission to find his killer and end him.''_

_Alex frowned, surprised by the story. Patty's voice was calm but hid an edge and Alex found a bit of herself in her._

_''Of course, a local superhero convinced me to not let him ruin my life even more but...trust me, I know how you felt. Even more when my son died of this uncommon disease and that I had no one to blame and hate except for the world. So, just know that I get you, that I get Maggie's pain.''_

_Alex struggled to swallow. Losing a parent and a child was one of the worst things a person could go through. As horrible as it sounded, she was glad Maggie had someone who could truly understand her and would never judge her for holding on to the pain._

_''I know it isn't worth anything, but I'm sorry your losses.'' Alex told Patty in a clear, honest voice._

_''I'm sorry for your losses too. Look, this is unconventional but not everything is black or white in this world. My husband and I divorced as well after our son's death and it were mostly my fault because I couldn't open myself to him. I don't want to pretend I know everything about you and Maggie but, just know she still loves you.''_

_Alex muffled her cries in her shoulders and shook her head, thinking that at least this woman was a good one and that her Maggie was in good hands._

_''You know, you make it hard for me to threaten you, you know that?'' Alex half-joked, wiping her tears with her sleeve._

_Patty laughed quietly._

_''Let me guess, if I hurt her, you'll find a way to get out of jail to track me down and kill me?'' Patty offered._

_Alex had a small smile, looking up at the ceiling, wondering how in the world she got there._

_''Something like that.'' Alex answered shortly._

_**'You have thirty second left'** the recorded message announced them._

_''Shit, do you want me to get Maggie?'' Patty rushed to say._

_Alex started to answer it was fine but she could hear Patty running through the apartment, knocking and opening a door. She could hear the shower being cut off and Alex swallowed the jealousy that Patty could see and touch Maggie._

_''Babe, it's for you. It's Alex.'' Alex heard and swallowed back the urge to throw up._

_''Hello? Alex?''_

_Alex felt relieved at hearing her voice, feeling drained suddenly. She held on to the wall and smiled._

_''Hello Mags, it's um, it's me. I...I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.'' Alex said, stopping herself from calling her baby._

_She didn't have the right to anymore. Alex could feel Maggie smile in the phone and she closed her eyes trying to imagine her right there with her._

_''Oh, Al, thank you. It's so good to hear your voice. It'll definitely be my favorite gift today.'' Maggie said softly._

_Alex shook her head, her ex-wife was too good for her, for the world._

_''I know Eliza made you a tiramisu cake, so eat a slice for me, okay?'' Alex told her with a smile despite her tears._

_Maggie's laugh reached her ears and Alex couldn't be more grateful._

_''You hate tiramisu, Al.'' she reminded her kindly, half-flirtingly._

_Despite every decision she made, Alex was glad she didn't pull the trigger on herself two years ago. Hearing Maggie talk might be the only cure she'd ever need to feel at peace._

_''Do it anyway. Take care, Mags.'' Alex whispered and waited for the line to cut off before adding 'I love you'._

 

Alex turned off the shower and walked toward her towel. Ignoring some other inmates' prying eyes on the scars on her back, she dried herself off and put on a fresh long sleeve white shirt and her typical dark blue uniform. Picking her shower kit, she got out of the shower room and slowly walked down the hallway. She knew she might have overdone herself in the gym, judging by the blood she had coughed into a bucket afterwards, but the desire to stay in shape enough to keep seeing Maggie, keep talking to Alexis and the rest of her family made her want to fight for her life again.

She kept seeing Maggie's mask of hurt when she realized she was dying but didn't know how to get better, leading her to promise she'd find a way. Alex only hoped Maggie wouldn't be too hard on herself if she didn't...when she wouldn't. And God, she didn't want her to just drop her life for her. She also knew she couldn't stop Maggie even if she tried, just like Maggie hadn't been able to stop her from going after Mara's killer.

The visit had been...so powerful on her heart, her brain, her body. Seeing and hearing the love her ex-wife still held for her was killing her and bringing her back to life at the same time. Her heart had started beating fast but her body had felt so heavy, oh, how she had wanted to embrace her so bad. Maggie's pleads left their marks on Alex's skin, making her want to hold on. For her. For each other.

 

_The guards helped her stepped down of the black van. She stood carefully as they uncuffed her wrists and legs. Alex replaced her black tie over her white button-shirt and finally looked past the guards, seeing her family gathering around in the cemetery. The first person that raised their head was Kara, probably hearing her familiar heartbeat. The blonde woman took a step forward before stopping, hesitating. Alex smiled sadly at her and nodded, hiding her cold hands in the pocket of her black jacket. She could have sworn her little sister used her super powers to reach her. The older Danvers sister welcomed Kara in her arms, breathing deeply, already fighting the urge to cry as she held her._

_''It's so good to see you and to touch you.'' Kara cried, holding her too tight._

_Alex didn't protest but pulled back slightly when her mom joined them in the hug. She took in their cold clothes, their perfumes and their blue eyes._

_''Oh, my beautiful girl. How are you, sweetie? Are they treating you okay?'' Eliza asked slowly, worriedly._

_Alex didn't know what to answer to that and simply shrugged as Winn and Jonn approached the women carefully, eyeing the guards behind Alex._

_''Well, it's nothing compared to this.'' Alex simply said, accepting the hug from Winn and a kiss on the temple from Jonn. ''I'm surviving, mom.''_

_She closed her eyes, memorizing her surrogate father's and brother's touch. She missed them terribly. Looking over their shoulders, Alex saw Lena, James, Lucy, and Zola along with the kids, but more importantly, she saw her. Her beautiful wife in her black dress and black coat._

_Alex excused herself from her family and took a few steps toward Maggie that accepted a flower from Benji. Alex stopped abruptly when her wife turned around. The woman let out a shuddering breath and suddenly, Maggie was running toward Alex as if her life depended on it._

_Alex could feel the guards rushing behind her, Kara and Jonn pleading with them but Alex didn't hear what they were saying, she only had eyes for Maggie as she rushed to get to her. The women collided harshly against each other, arms wrapped around their necks and backs._

_''Oh, thank god you're here, baby.'' Maggie cried in her shoulder._

_Alex hugged her tighter, lifting her wife off the wet cement, burying her nose in her wavy hair._

_''Of course, Mags. There's nothing that could have stop me from being here.'' Alex said, kissing Maggie's neck, then her cheek and finally her mouth._

_Maggie sagged into the kiss and held Alex's face before pulling back to breathe._

_''I wish I had more time with you, but they are about to start.'' Maggie informed her._

_Alex nodded slowly, not ready to look away from her wife's brown eyes and the pain they held. Maggie took her hand and pulled her out of her daze, walking them toward the small crowd around their daughter's coffin._

_Her breath was cut off as she took in the set up. It was small. The coffin was smaller than she expected and the gray of it reminded her of Mara's eyes. She almost broke Maggie's hand at the sight of their whole family's picture on the trivet. It was a picture taken in their home from last Christmas. Everybody was smiling, being happy._

_''I didn't want her to stand there on her own, you know.'' Maggie explained why she didn't follow the tradition, her voice breaking ''I wanted her to know that we're with her and that she's with us, always._

_Alex pulled her wife into her side and kissed the crown of her head, her tears falling into her dark hair. She could see from there Mara's biological mother's tombstone._

_''I'm so sorry for not being there with you for those decisions.'' Alex apologized as Maggie cried into her chest._

_Maggie pulled back as Alex wiped her tears away._

_''Shh, none of that. Not today.'' Maggie replied just as Kara started to talk_

_Alex accepted her mom's hand in her left one, still holding Maggie against her. She wondered when she and her wife would have the time to talk about everything that happened. Alex had taken that from them. The chance to be there for each other._

_She couldn't focus on what Jonn and Kara was saying, the both of them holding a specific object in their hands. Kara held the Supergirl doll Winn had given Mara for Christmas a few years ago. Alex remembered her daughter saying she wanted to be a superhero like her aunt and her moms one day. Now, they'd never to know what she would become._

_Jonn held the blanket Mara had carried around everywhere with her when she first joined their family. Jonn had given it to her, explaining it was made in a special material, that would make her hands feel cool if things got heated._

_Alex felt Eliza squeeze her hand and she looked at her trying to remain strong. Alex couldn't help but look around her family, all of them being in tears. She met Alexis's green eyes and the boy blinked at her, holding tightly the soccer ball in her hands. She winked sadly at him, quietly letting him know he didn't have to be so strong. She watched him sag against Winn as his father held him tightly._

_Once Jonn was done with the proceeding, Kara started with the eulogy and Alex didn't know if she could go through it. All she wanted was to go back home with Maggie and have her in arms forever. She thought back to the phone call she had with Lena last week, when she asked for a favor._

_Alex slightly shifted Maggie in her arms, hugging her from behind. Eliza stood by her daughter-in-law side, silently comforting her. Alex didn't move as Lena walked toward her, discreetly slipping the makeshift device in her jacket. She came to leave but Alex stopped her, squeezing her hand._

_''Thank you, Lena and please, take care of my sister.'' she murmured._

_Lena nodded briefly, a few tears falling on her cheeks. She leaned forward and briefly hugged Alex._

_''You're the pillar of this family, Alex. We'll all lean on each other until you come home.''_

_Alex pulled back and shook her head. They both knew what her sentence was, but the thought was nice. Lena walked toward Kara and held her hand, causing the blonde woman to smile sadly at her. Alex took advantage of the pause to lean over Maggie's ear._

_''I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. Like you said, I wish I had more time with you. That's why I'm doing this.'' Alex whispered, kissing the skin below._

_She nodded to Lena and a few seconds later, a loud pop made everyone turn their heads toward a garbage can on the sidewalk. Alex took a step back from her wife, dragging the moment their fingers would part and looked at the guards near the van being distracted. Slipping her hand in her pocket, she clicked on Lena's device and watched herself disappear before running away._

 

Alex walked past the nurse's office when she was pulled inside. She turned around, surprised, her instincts kicking in but stopped when she faced Dr. Tancredi.

''Are you insane? I could have decked you.'' Alex sighed, putting her hands on her hips as Sara closed the door behind them.

The woman rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. Alex calmed down and put her towel and shower kit on the counter by her side.

''What's up?'' she asked.

Sara rolled her eyes even more and scoffed. Alex lifted an eyebrow at the attitude.

''What is up is that your ex-wife was waiting for me outside of work yesterday and forced me to have a drink with her.''

Alex's eyes got wide, wondering why Maggie had wanted to speak with Sara.

''What...why..why did she want to talk to you about?''

Sara took a step closer, her heels clicking against the tiles. Alex noticed she was wearing the long sleeve green dress under her white coat.

''She found out about us.'' Sara announced.

Alex froze before starting to pace around the room and bit her thumb. Oh God, did that mean that Maggie knew before she even visited her? It was true that Maggie had seen pissed off at first, but she had so many reasons to be.

''Us? I... how...I don't...How was she? How did she react?'' Alex rambled, panicking.

Sara laughed drily, stopping Alex in her tracks.

''Oh, thank you for asking me how I was doing. I was scared, Alex.'' Sara told her.

Alex sighed, feeling guilty toward Sara but mostly toward Maggie. She looked into the doctor's brown-green eyes and stepped closer to her, her fingers toying with her coat.

''It's not like Maggie would have touched you. She's a cop.'' Alex tried to justify herself.

Sara pulled back and half-sat on the bed. Alex looked up the ceiling briefly, feeling like the worst asshole.

''And you were some type of agent, but here you are.'' Sara retorted, lifting her hands up.

Alex walked to her and Sara automatically opened her knees to welcome her between her legs. She laid her hands on the bed beside her.

''Look, you know she's everything to me. That my heart never stopped being hers.'' Alex explained softly ''Even in here, I... she still owns me. She will always have me.''

Sara nodded and looked away, causing Alex to move her chin back to face her.

''But you also know that I have come to care for you. You have helped me deal with my anger and sorrow...'' Alex continued until the other woman cut her off.

''By fucking it all out on me. You know, Alex, not because you think you control people means you control the outcome.'' Sara snapped.

Alex stepped back and pushed her hair away, wishing once more she could cut them. She licked her lips and tipped her head, holding Sara's eyes with her own.

''Hey, hey, I never controlled you, Sara. I came to you once and you said yes. The other times, you sought me out, asking me to fuck you. Maybe you have some inmate kink here but don't put it on me, I never forced you.'' Alex thundered, forcing herself to keep her voice down.

A flash of arousal passed in the doctor's eyes, proving Alex's point. Sara reached out, grabbing the waistband of Alex's blue pants.

''You're right, I knew what I was signing up for, but I've come to like you too much, Alex.'' Sara mumbled, putting a hand behind the woman's neck to force her to lean down ''I always want you, so, I need you to give me space right now.''

Alex exhaled through her noise and closed her eyes at the guilt. Sara took advantage of it and kissed her for the first time since _that_ first time. Alex let her do it for a few seconds before Maggie appeared behind her eyelids, her heart meeting a wall. She pulled back with a deep breath and forced each of Sara's fingers to let go of her.

''I'm sorry, Sara, I never meant for this to happen.'' Alex whispered as Sara pressed her palms against her own eyes.

She eventually let her hands fall, forcing them to stay on her lap. The doctor nodded and looked away.

''After meeting her, meeting Maggie...seeing the love you guys still have for each other...I want to have that. I want my own Alex. All to myself.'' Sara explained tiredly.

Alex nodded slowly, recalling writing something similar in her letter to Sara, wishing her to find her own person to come home to. Alex leaned down and kissed the woman's temple.

''Okay, I'll be out of your way.'' she murmured before pulling away ''I hope you find your own person someday, Sara. I mean it.''

 

_Alex sat on her daughter's unmade bed. She reached out to Billy Blue and turned him over to face him. Closing her eyes, she brought him to her nose, smelling him. All she could smell was Maggie. Alex frowned and touched the light pink sheets beneath her, realizing that her wife must have sleep in the bed for the past few weeks._

_Getting up before the storm of pain, guilt and sadness hit her, Alex fumbled her out of the bedroom, keeping hold on the dragon plush as she walked down the stairs of her home. Letting out a heavy sigh, Alex looked around the open spaced floor, reliving her happiest memories with Maggie and Mara. Hours of cooking, talking about school and cases, playing game nights and falling asleep on the couch._

_She walked to the sofa and carefully sat down, feeling like a stranger in her own house. Alex waited, letting her tears mingled with the dust on the coffee table. With Billy Blue in her hands, Alex lifted her head when she heard Maggie's keys in the lock._

_Watching Maggie come in, Alex stayed quiet for a moment as her wife breathed deeply, taking off her coat. She noticed the way her shoulders slumped forward as if she held the sky on her back. Not able to wait any long and wanting to be there for her, Alex stood up._

_''Babe?'' Alex called out._

_Maggie's head snapped up as she let her jacket fall on the floor. She gasped as her hand moved to stop her heart from jumping out of her chest. Alex walked slowly toward her with her hands up._

_''Mags, I know what I just did was horrible, but I wanted to...'' Alex started before being cut by her wife slapping her cheek._

_Alex stayed still for a second, not quite looking at her. She lifted a finger and pointed her wife as she let out a puff of breath._

_''I deserved that.'' Alex whispered softly, nodding._

_Maggie's sob broke in her throat as she reached out, caressing Alex's red cheek with her hand before pulling her down tightly in a hug._

_''I'm sorry.'' she cried in her neck ''I'm so sorry.''_

_Alex shook her head and pulled back, cradling Maggie's jaw, her thumb wiping her tears._

_''No. I'm the one that need apologizing for the rest of our lives.'' Alex argued ''I shouldn't have left the funerals like that but I needed to be with you.''_

_Maggie opened her eyes and let herself fall into Alex's, her hand cursing through the short redhead hair, fisting them at the back of her head. Her other hand tugged on her wife's tie, pulling her down into a searing kiss._ _Alex inhaled in Maggie's mouth, feeling her soul being dragged out of her body, reaching for it home. Her hands acted on their own accord, lifting Maggie's dress pass her thigh so she could lift her up, causing the smaller woman to wrap her waist with her legs, losing her high heels in the process. Alex's mind was spinning with the feeling of Maggie's skin on her fingers and the sound of her moans in her throat._

_Maggie's nails were scratching her shaved sides, pulling on the longest hair to tip her head back to deepen the kiss while she rolled her hips, guiding Alex to walk backwards. The ex-agent complied before losing control of her heart and body, carefully leaning Maggie against the wall besides the stairs with a groan._ _She pulled back, needing some air before darting out her tongue to lick and kiss her wife's neck and throat, nibbling at her jaw. Maggie's cries reach her ears as Alex's fingers reached the lacey underwear under her dress. Maggie's body shook and her hips kept rolling against her stomach._

_''Please, Danvers. I need your hands on me, your fingers and your tongue in me. It's been too long, baby.'' Maggie pleaded against her ear._

_Alex's ragged breath moved Maggie's hair as she kissed her cheek to hide her tears. She held Maggie up with her legs and ripped off her underwear. Her wife moaned against her lips at the sound and Alex tentatively slipped her thumb into Maggie's heat._ _She fell a bit against Maggie's body as she felt the warm liquid on her fingertip. It had been too long indeed. She swiped her thumb up, circling her clit with her juices causing Maggie's head to snap back against the wall._

_''Shh, I got you, Mags.'' Alex breathed as she put her hand behind her wife's head._

_They stayed there for a while, simply staring at each other as they calmed their heart, Alex still caressing her softly, getting used to the feeling again. They leaned in at the same time, kissing each other slowly, their tongues soon battling once more._

_''Carry me to our bed, Danvers. We don't have eternity.'' Maggie murmured before capturing her wife's lips between her own once more._

_The statement urged Alex to move, securely holding Maggie up in her arms as she walked up the stairs like she had a thousand times before. Finding her way through their bedroom, she didn't even pause, carefully falling with Maggie on their king size bed. She held herself up on her elbow, the rest of her body glued to her wife's, the woman beneath her pushing her short hair back away from her eyes._

_''I'll always love you, you know that?'' Maggie whispered._

_Alex shook her head and bend down to kiss Maggie's forehead, her nose and then her mouth._

_''I don't know why, but I do.'' Alex replied, her hands slipping beneath Maggie's body._

_Maggie arched her back so Alex could unzip her dress. She watched Maggie closed her eyes at the feeling of her fingers on her spine and sighed happily, sadly. Alex slowly undressed her, tugging the material out of her arms, pulling it down her bra clad chest. Alex sucked in a breath, finally seeing the chain around her wife's neck, the necklace safely holding her own wedding rings. Her index traced the metal circles, wishing it were on her hand instead._

_Sitting back on her heel, Alex let her wet eyes travel down her wife's body as she took off the dress, slipping it past her legs, letting it fall on the floor. She leaned back down on Maggie and let her nose create a path from her hipbone to her sternum to her dimple, smelling and feeling her._

_''My beautiful wife,'' Alex sighed, dropping a kiss on Maggie's heart, her fingers gripping the wedding band ''I don't deserve your love and you definitely deserve more than me.''_

_Alex tried to pull back, thinking that maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe she should let Maggie go, tell her to move on with her life without her. She was dying at the idea of leaving her but in the end, she knew she couldn't hold her back forever. Maggie frowned at her and drew her jaw back sharply before pulling her tie, forcing her to stay close._

_''Don't you dare pull that shit on me, Danvers. We're in this together until the end, you hear me? I don't want to hear otherwise.'' Maggie pleaded._

_Her voice broke along with Alex's heart and the word together. Because they wouldn't be together anymore. Alex had sealed their fate._

_''I'm begging you, don't do this. Let me have this, let me have you.'' Maggie insisted, her fingers tight in Alex's hair._

_This would be the death of her, Alex thought. How could she say no to the love of her life?_

_''Okay.'' Alex whispered._

_''Okay?'' Maggie asked again to be sure._

_Alex nodded slowly, mumbling an 'okay' and kissed Maggie with all that she had and all that she was as Maggie undid her tie and pushed off her black jacket. Alex moaned as Maggie slipped a knee between her legs and unbuttoned her shirt._   _Half-sitting up, her wife kissed her ski_ _n as it showed up, drawing her full lips down, sucking and trailing her tongue down her abs. Alex tipped her head back and held Maggie's against her stomach, her fingers weaving through her soft locks. God, she had missed this and would miss it even more in the future._

_Alex trailed her fingers down Maggie's back, snapping open her bra, letting it fall between them. The ex-agent pushed Maggie against the bed as she threw away the garment somewhere around them. Pulling her wife tightly against her haunches, she latched her mouth against a brown nipple, feeling the wetness of Maggie's core through the layer of her pants. She bit the bud, causing Maggie to cry out, her hips rising, looking for friction._

_Feeling Maggie's hands undoing her belt, Alex breathed hotly against the hard peak and twirled her tongue around it before inhaling to cool it down, her teeth dragging against the mound. She moved her other hand to Maggie's right breast, her fingertips kneading her nipple while her thumb and palm squeezed the flesh in a delicious slow way._ _Maggie slipped her hand in Alex's pant and grabbed her ass, trying to contain her hips as her left hand reached for her wife's on her chest. Alex trailed her mouth to Maggie's stomach, kissing it thoroughly, unconsciously leaving marks around the scar she barely came back from. She froze and blinked when she felt Maggie pulled on her fingers and put them into her mouth._

_Fighting a wave of arousal, Alex breathed through her nose as she lifted her eyes to watch Maggie suck on her fingers, humming with her eyelids close. She could feel her wife everywhere under and around her, aware of every inch of her body against her. Alex moaned, causing Maggie to finally open her eyes as their bodies rolled against each other incoherently, seeking friction and rhythm. With Maggie's hand on her behind, Alex surged her hips forward to meet her wife's center, but suddenly Maggie's hand was in front of her pants, stopping her and making her whimper._

_''Sorry, sorry,'' Maggie mumbled ''I just...you should take off your pants before I ruin them completely._

_Alex looked down at her wife's glistening sex and licked her lips at the sight. Meeting Maggie's darkening eyes spurred her on as she stood up and took off her slacks, shoes and socks. Laying down on the bed in front of her, Alex grabbed her wife's legs and pulled her in, lifting them on her shoulders._

_Caressing the caramel skin of her thighs, Alex kissed them as well, her tongue following the line of her veins as Maggie whined and did her best to not rock her hips into her wife's face. Alex reached her dark curls and trailed her nose through them until she darted her tongue to separate her wet folds. She moaned, her eyes rolling at the back of her head, not quite believing she got to taste her wife again._

_She exposed her sex with thumb and index and flattened her tongue against her heat, spreading her juices up in one lick. Maggie sagged against the bed and shook, letting out a groan, a fist locked on Alex's hair. Alex lifted her hand and grabbed her wife's breast, squeezing and pinching the hard bud. Maggie's hardened her grip, making Alex grouse in pleasure._

_''Oh god, I missed you so much baby.'' Maggie cried._

_Alex nodded against her wife's sex and drew small and large circles around Maggie's clit with the tip of her tongue. Maggie lifted her hips and Alex slipped her hands beneath the woman's back to keep her up before slipping her tongue inside her as far as she could. She pulled back and forth a couple of times before dragging it up her inner wall., her heart thudding hard against her chest._

_Her head was buried between Maggie's thigh and the pressure on her ears made the woman's mind spin. Alex trailed her tongue back to Maggie's clit, licking it teasingly, quickly, before going down again to enter her. She repeated the motion until Maggie complained, her nails scratching her skull._

_''Just make me come, Danvers. Please just make me come.'' she breathed out._

_Alex's heart broke as she complied, pulling her slippery and pulsing clit in her mouth. She sucked it hard and dove her thumb in Maggie's heat to rub on the familiar spot, the wall fluttering around it. It didn't take long before Maggie cried out Alex's name with veneration and love in her voice, a gush of warm liquid flooding her hand and mouth._

_Maggie's legs gave in and Alex took a moment to breathe, still cleaning up her thighs. She wiped her mouth with her shirt and slowly crawled up her wife's trembling body. They both looked at each other quietly, their wet eyes studying each other's faces. Maggie was the first to move, leaning up to kiss Alex's lips, a hand around her neck and the other in her hair._

_''You're still overdressed.'' Maggie tried to joke through the tears ''I need to feel you against me.''_

_Alex let Maggie take control for a moment as she rolled on top of her, taking off her shirt, bra and boxer brief. She sat against her haunches, her fingers trailing every bruises and scars. She travelled her hands everywhere, kneading every muscle, mapping every inch of her skin, her eyes hard and soft, dead and alive._ _Alex simply watched her wife's face all the while, promising herself to never forget what she looked like and how pain and sadness made their home in her gorgeous eyes and the lines besides them. Her beauty wasn't even questionable. To this day, Maggie Sawyer was still the most beautiful woman that ever walked this earth._

_Maggie's fingers trailed off her shoulders to the inside of her arms, circling her elbow before leaving goosebumps on her way to interlacing their fingers. She squeezed them with a surprising force and unspoken promise. Maggie laid her forehead against Alex's, slowing down her breath as she rubbed her hose against her wife's._

_''Never talk about leaving me ever again.'' Maggie said with steel in her voice ''I can take anything but that, not after we lost Mara.''_

_Alex stayed quiet, her mind swirling with contradicting wishes. Maggie must have felt her torment because she fell against her, hiding her face in her neck, a sob threatening to break her. Alex sighed, holding her close, her heart protesting and begging to reassure her wife._

_''I love you more than anything in this world and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.'' Alex answered with a shaky voice and a kiss on her shoulder before pulling back to face Maggie._

_She lifted a hand, wiping her tears and cradling her cheek. Maggie closed her eyes at the touch, biting her trembling lip._

_''But I already did, Mags.'' Alex continued ''And I'll keep doing so. That's all I'm destined to do from now on. I can't hold you back forever.''_

_Maggie shook her head and swatted Alex's hand away, pressing her palm against her eyes and her hair harshly. She inhaled and exhaled for a long time before opening her storming eyes, reaching out to put Alex's hand against her heart._

_''You're not holding me back, you're keeping me together.'' she swore._

_Alex closed her eyes, the tears burning her. She felt Maggie's heart and skin beneath her fingertips and wished she could stay here forever. A kiss was dropped on the back of her hand and Alex opened her eyes again, pulling her wife back down into a hug. Maggie turned her around so she could spoon her._

_''Talk to me.'' Maggie requested quietly, her lips against the back of her head._

_Alex pulled Maggie even tighter around her, wishing she could hide inside those arms until the end of time._

_''I don't understand why you don't hate me. It's my fault if our daughter is dead, I wasn't quick enough to get her out and it's my fault if we can't mourn her together.'' Alex whispered._

_She felt Maggie's body freeze behind her. The woman moved her down once more, her thumb rubbing her jaw. Alex struggled to breathe as she felt Maggie's forehead against her once more._

_''Baby, look at me. I could never hate you and I could never blame you for Mara's death.'' Maggie assured her until Alex opened her eyes. ''As for...not being able to mourn her together...'' her wife shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks ''I am mad, but we don't have a lot of time together...''_

_Alex tried to keep herself together, Maggie's words cutting her open. She didn't feel better, far from it, but god, she wanted to make it up to her wife before having to leave her again. She met Maggie's lips and they paused, wiping each other's cheeks before leaning down to kiss once more.  Maggie kissed Alex's neck before trailing her lips down to her collarbone. She nibbled on it, soothing the burn with her tongue. She played with her breasts, massaging them and squeezing her nipples between her joints. Alex felt a jolt of pain and pleasure, causing her to close her legs together._

_''Hmm, did you miss me as much as I've missed you, honey?'' Maggie muttered._

_Alex nodded against her wife's shoulder and cried as she shifted her hand downward, making her stomach quiver._

_''You have no idea how much I crave you, Maggie. How much I want your touch, your arms. I miss and love you every second of everyday.'' Alex admitted, her fingers interweaving into Maggie's hair ''I don't have any distraction inside, Mags. I only have our memories.''_

_Maggie took a deep breath before she kissed Alex softly and deeply, her fingers finding her wife's wet center. Alex exhaled in her mouth and turned her body so Maggie was on top of her. She looked down at her with a silent question in her eyes. Alex gave her a small smile, her own fingers reaching to the inside of Maggie's thighs._

_''I want us to come together. Please. One last time.''_

_A shattered breath and a kiss later, Maggie and Alex made love to each other, their cries a mixture of release, pain and prayer._

 

_Alex kept stroking Maggie's hair, her wife's head resting on her chest. Alex took a deep breath, already hating what she was about to say._

_''Mags?'' she started as the woman froze in her arms ''I have to go, baby and you have to call the cops.''_

_She felt Maggie swallow against her and Alex reminded herself to be strong for the both of them. The detective turned unto herself to meet her eyes and shook her head._

_''I can't, Al, you can't ask me that.'' she retorted, her voice wavering._

_Alex slipped her hand around Maggie's cheek and neck._

_''It's been a couple of hours, baby. It's just a matter of time before they find me here and I won't have them hurt you or accuse you of abetting a criminal.''_

_Maggie sat up on the bed and looked away from her, hurt and confliction all over her face. Alex sighed and got up, slowly putting back her clothes. She buttoned her shirt, probably missing a few buttons, but she didn't care as she simply rested her tie around her neck._

_Bending down, she kissed her wife's forehead, lingering and came to move toward the door but Maggie stopped her with a hand around her wrist, turning her around, sliding her arm around her neck._

_''No, please, don't go.'' Maggie pleaded, her lips against Alex's sternum before looking into her eyes ''I'm begging you, just stay.''_

_Alex closed her eyes, fighting her instincts to just lay back in the bed with her wife and forget the rest of the world. Instead, she brought her closer with a hand at the small of her naked back. She was so warm. Maggie was the dawn after the darkest night._

_''I'm sorry, baby, I can't. I can't risk them hurting you when they barge in here.'' Alex insisted while Maggie in her arms._

_''I don't care, Alex. I don't care, I don't care.'' Maggie cried ''Nothing matter anymore."_

_Alex cut her off with a bruising kiss, her thumb tracing the lines on her wife's face, memorizing them. Maggie bit and soothed Alex's lower lip with her tongue before pulling back, keeping the woman's jaw between her fingers._

_''I can't watch you leave again. Just stay here with me. Hell, we'll run away together if we have to but please don't leave me.''_

_Alex choke on her breath as a sob break in, making her tremble against Maggie. She pulled her in tighter as they cried and for a second, Alex imagined what kind of life they could have if they'd just run together. Maybe they could find a place in the Maldives or something._

_''I don't want to,'' Alex assured, feeling a part of her die at the idea of leaving her wife again ''but I have to.''_

_Maggie's hands were hurting her as they grabbed and clawed her back but she couldn't care less. Alex forced them down and pulled back, looking at her beautiful and wrecked wife._

_''You have no idea how sorry I am.'' Alex struggled to say, her eyes setting themselves on the necklace with her wedding rings on it. ''And how much I love you.''_

_Her fingertips barely touched them before Alex turned around abruptly, leaving the room and walking down the stairs. She rushed to Maggie's coat and found her cellphone. Briefly making the call, she turned around when she heard her wife come into the room. Maggie was wearing one of her t-shirts with black boxer brief. This could have been a regular morning with her wife giving her coffee and a kiss while they waited for Mara to run down the stairs to eat her favorite cereals, but this wasn't it. It was goodbye, once again._

_Trotting to her, Maggie let Alex embrace her as they held each other up, swaying a little bit on their feet in a sort of dance. It reminded them of their second attempted wedding with Mara dancing on Kara's feet not far away from them._

_They squeezed each other when they heard the sirens, Maggie probably bruising Alex's body with how hard she was hugging her. Alex pulled back with a sad smile, wiping a few tears on her wife's face with the back of her finger._

_''I don't know how, but I'll make it up to you someday, Maggie. I promise.'' Alex said before kissing her forehead and her lips._

_Pulling away hurts, her lips becoming numb but Maggie didn't let go of her hand as Alex walked toward the front door, shutting out the squealing of the tires outside and the voice requesting for her to get out, unarmed. Maggie seemed to hesitate as Alex turned the knob, afraid for her wife's life. Alex's heart was threatening to give out as she kissed Maggie's hand before dropping it softly. She lifted her hands up as she walked outside, her eyes never leaving the brown one that meant so much to her. Alex kneeled down on the cement with her hands behind her head._

_''It'll be okay.'' Alex reassured her, hoping Kara received her text as well, requesting her to come take care of Maggie ''Smile for me baby, please.''_

_Maggie shook her head frustratingly and smiled at the love of her life. Alex smiled back, a part of her somewhat relieved. She nodded at her as the cops came behind her to cuff her. They pushed her down harshly on the floor and Alex winced, hearing Maggie's plead to not hurt her. The cops pulled her back up and Alex met her wife's eyes once last time._

_'I'll see you around, Danvers.'' Alex said, not losing her smile, promising herself to stay true to her words._

 

Alex walked into her cell and ignored Angel's snores, the woman's back facing her. She quietly marched to her bed and stopped at the photos on the wall. Smiling at her family, she picked up the ripped picture of Mara and Maggie. Tracing her wife's face, Alex sighed, recalling all the promises she made to her.

''We don't have eternity,'' Alex whispered, looking down at Maggie's picture ''but I'll sure as hell fight for you for the rest of my life. The way I always should have had.''

 Alex laid back down on her cot, lifting the photo to her lips before putting it down on her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happened here! Would love to hear you thoughts :)


	9. Phantom Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Did things a bit differently here and it'll probably be the only chapter that contains more than one POV. Just thought it'd be interesting to see how the rest of the family is doing. Maggie is still in this chapter no worries. It's a bit long, I don't know if that's a good thing or not, let me know.
> 
> I can't say when I'll post next chapter. You all know what's coming and it'll take a bit of time to get it out, but I'm motivated and with your kudos and comments, I write faster that's for sure :)
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy! xx

James Olsen turned off the car and sighed. Here he was, back on food duty. It reminded him of the days he used to follow Clark and Lois around, learning and learning so much but also being the one to run errands. While Clark had advised him to not do everything Lois Lane demanded, James knew better and always brought the donuts she requested.

It took years to find himself, to be the hero he wanted to be and knew he could be. Then, Mack came into the world, surprising both him and Lucy as they had parted ways months ago. But his baby boy turned out to be the biggest gift this world could offer. James had given up Guardian to be there for his son for as long as possible. Life was tough. Even more so for a black vigilante. He didn't want to risk it. Mackenzie was more important.

He learned the lesson even more when his niece died. Mara's death had affected everyone. Sadly, they all had a life to get back to. And they did, slowly, with small steps, fumbling in the dark without their firecracker. The pain, the sadness and the unfairness almost pushed the family apart. J'onn, James and Eliza did their best to hold all of them together. After Alex's trial and verdict, they all swore to be there for Maggie per Alex's request, though they would have never let her down anyway.

James got out of the car and grabbed the bags of take outs. Closing the door, he turned around walking toward the mundane warehouse, the sound of pebbles under his shoes soothing him, reminding him of the summers they all used to spend at Eliza's house, throwing rocks into the ocean.

He looked up into the camera and waved at Vasquez, relieved that his friend was monitoring any activities in the area. They were far enough from downtown to avoid suspicions but still in the city, none of them wanting to draw any kind of attention from the authorities. The building was technically owned by none other than Lex Luthor and James never thought he'd stand in one of his property but he had to admit it was smart of Lena to choose a place like this. A place with history. If anything was to be found, they wouldn't be to blame. It was simply a precaution.

Vasquez let him in and James waved everyone hello, receiving distracted waves back. Walking past J'onn and Eliza talking in the set up medical lab, James stopped in front of the large table where Winn and Lena were sitting at. An abundance of papers and formulas were drowning the oak table, but if someone could make sense of it all, it would be these two.

''Cheeseburger, curly fries and a strawberry milkshake for you brother.'' James announced, getting the food out of the Big Belly Burger bag ''And chicken salad for you, Lena. Took it upon myself to bring you a grilled cheese and a coke. I know you secretly love those.''

Winn thanked the man profusely before barely unwrapping his burger and taking a huge bite. Lena put a hand on James and smiled up at him.

''Thank you, James. You're a lifesaver.'' the green-eyes woman said, going back to writing down some notes.

James sighed and pulled off a chair, sitting down as Vasquez came up behind him to grab her own burger and root beer.

''I don't know about that, but I do know that for you to come up with a way to make a miracle machine work, you actually need to eat the food I bring you.'' James told her, confiscating her friend's pen.

The woman was too classy to groan but she glared at him anyway, picking up a fork instead and start eating her salad. James smiled at her, satisfied. 

''Zola texted me, Winn. She said Benji ate another crayon but he's fine and Alexis received a letter from Alex. Your wife wishes for you to answer her phone calls and not come home late again.'' James told him, reciting the passive aggressive text he had gotten an hour ago.

Winn sighed and wiped his mouth. He honestly looked like a mess, rings forming under his eyes from the lack of sleep and his hair clearly hadn't met a comb in days.

''I know, I know. I'm a bad husband and father these days, we just need a bit more time before wrapping this up. We're really close.'' the man argued.

Lena nodded empathically, patting Winn's hand.

''We are, James. This is a rough time for everyone, but we're gonna make it through and Alex will be out, alive and healthy.'' Lena added ''She's ready to receive our help. You just said it, she wrote to Alexis.''

James refrained himself to point out the flaws in their plan. Lucy had already told them out of worry for them, but their friends were determined to help Alex. He wasn't against that idea, he would do anything he can as well, he just hoped Maggie was ready to face the fact that years had passed, Alex had changed, just like the rest of them.

''What about the others, how are they? How is Patty?'' Winn asked, changing the subject and eating his burger again.

''Lucy has been catching up with her, bought a tub of ice cream. She's tough that one.'' James told them with a sad smile. ''Patty still gave Maggie the blueprint of National City prison though.''

Lena ate quietly while Winn mumbled about Patty being great but Sanvers slowly being back on tracks. Lena rolled her eyes playfully at the nickname as James snorted.

''Of course you're happy about this. You were always a fan of Maggie and Alex together.

''So? They were my favorite couple, sue me!'' Winn retorted, shuffling fries in his mouth.

Lena chuckled softly, fixating on her salad even if she wasn't quite able to concentrate, her mind swirling back to the task at hands. James noticed her turmoil and put his big palms down on the desk.

''Okay, lay it down for me. What have you got?'' 

Lena almost sighed out of relief. Winn, Eliza and her had been going through this for weeks now and James knew she needed to voice out their progress.

''Well, two weeks ago, Maggie and Kara went to Earth 17 to find this Dr. Groll that conducted the experiment. The man was too old and lost a bit too much of his memories to help them but they found his journals.''

''Thank God for old school man writing everything down.'' Winn commented while James listened to them intently, looking down at the very journal of the scientist.

His fingers traced the scrawling of his writing, the drawing of the machine itself and some Kryptonian symbols he recognized.

''Here's the thing, the nanosuit was built with a Kryptonian DNA that also contained a Kryptonite absorption ability. At first, Winn and I thought they used Bizarro's DNA because it's the only set of DNAs that had that particular asset. Yes apparently, Bizarro is a thing on their earth too.'' Lena said, catching the arched eyebrow of her ex-boyfriend ''But going through this journal, Eliza realized they in fact used Superman's DNA and a Queen Industries chip that allowed the suit to absorb the Kryptonite.''

James nodded slowly, the information settling in. Winn seemed to catch the confusion on his friend's face.

''Which means, we don't need to give a subject Kryptonian abilities, just the Kryptonite absorption. Once the suit is worn it permanently becomes part of the wearer's natural physiology. We don't have to mix it with an alien DNA.'' Winn explained.

James shook his head, not sure if he quite understood. All of it seemed like a huge risk for everyone's safety.

''I'm glad that Jeremiah, if god forbid, he's the subject we'll be using, won't have any of Kara and Clark's abilities but it still put them into danger. How can we go forward with this?'' James argued, thinking of Metallo and the many times both of his best friends had to face him.

Lena took a deep breath before answering. She clearly didn't like that James was questioning their results as if she wouldn't do anything for Kara, but James had to ask.

''James, I get your concerns.'' she started slowly ''Winn and I want the best for Kara as well. We told her about this and you know she was the first to say to go for it. We all wished we could have done something more in the past to help Alex, Maggie and...Mara, well this is it.'' Lena told him, her voice slightly cracking.

Winn nodded and muttered a 'Amen', wiping a treacherous tear off his cheek. Lena and James both knew how bad Winn felt for helping Alex get her revenge. They had reassured him many times that Alex Danvers would have find a way anyway and maybe it would have gotten her killed. But it seemed, the man was still looking for redemption.

''And if you think that I won't do everything I can to reverse this after Alex get better to ensure Kara's safety, then you don't know me as much as you think you do.'' Lena added, her face morphing behind her practiced mask.

James sighed, squeezing the CEO's clenched first gently, Winn doing the same. Lena shook her head, putting herself together. Taking a deep breath, she managed to calm herself. James felt bad, understand the pressure she was under. He knew what it was like to love Kara and be worried for her.

''I trust you, Lena. We all do.'' James said slowly, his kind eyes finding hers ''We have the sharpest minds in this room so if you say this is the only way, I'm with you.''

Winn and Lena shared a heated look, dozens of options still floating in their minds. They looked around them, Vasquez still working through the code for their machine, Eliza and J'onn standing close and talking quietly while Maggie was driving back to the warehouse. Their whole family was into this, into saving one of their own.

''It's the only one we have right now.'' Lena declared.

''If we wait, Alex will die. She's deteriorating, James and Maggie won't let it go further.'' Winn added ''Maggie made her choice, she'll do the hardest part but we'll help her get there and I'll make sure she succeeds.''

They all squeezed their hands and James resisted the urge to say a prayer. They turned their heads toward the warning alarm resonating around the room. Vasquez was the first one to move, getting up from her desk to look at the monitors showing the outside world.

''He's here.'' she announced, turning off the alarm.

 

J'onn J'onnz opened the door and walked out of the warehouse with Eliza in tow. He felt the woman behind her freeze at the sight of her husband a few feet away from her. The man's jaw length hair was dirty, waving between black and gray, same as his beard, same as his choices in the past.

He smiled and J'onn almost recognized his old friend but he wasn't naive, drawing his gun out of his thigh holster when Jeremiah lifted his hands toward Eliza.

''Eliza, my love. Your beauty grows even more as the years pass.'' the man complimented.

J'onn grazed his teeth, taking a step in front of the Danvers matriarch. Jeremiah let his arms fall, almost smirking up at him.

''Are you stopping me from embracing my wife, old friend?'' he asked.

J'onn saw from the corner of her eyes Eliza's jaw tighten at the word before she put her fingers around his wrist, quietly telling him to put his weapon down. He could see how uncomfortable she was under the scrutiny of the man she used to love.

''You said it.'' J'onn replied gruffly. ''We're old friends, nothing more. The only reason you're here is because we allow you to.''

Eliza shifted on her feet, squaring her shoulders as she faced Jeremiah. J'onn remained impassible but he didn't need access to Eliza's mind to know how she felt. Oh, how looking at him must still hurt. He had always admired the woman's strength and he did even more now as she put her hands in her pockets and studied her daughters' father.

''It's okay, Jonn. I have a voice, I intend to use it.'' Eliza told him.

J'onn looked at her and they held each other's eyes, almost having a telepathic conversation despite the fact that the green Martian didn't have his powers anymore. He nodded softly and subtly put his hand at the small of her back, taking a step behind her. He needed her to know that she wasn't alone.

''Eliza has always been independent, my friend. You can't put her on a leash.'' Jeremiah chimed in, catching their small interaction.

J'onn had studied alien and human's behaviors for centuries now and he could tell from the tone of Jeremiah's voice that the man was irritated and jealous. J'onn refrained a sigh, knowing this altercation would affect Eliza more than she'd let on.

''I know fine well she can take care of herself but I don't trust you, Jeremiah.'' J'onn declared, putting his hand over the one still holding his gun.

''Boys, that's enough.'' Eliza snapped, moving between the two men ''We're all not getting any younger. I'd like not to lose any time over whatever this is. We're all here to help our daughter.''

J'onn stiffened at the reminder. He would do anything for Alex. Hence the reason why he stood in front of the man that hurt his family more than once. He and Alex went way back and J'onn had understood early in her training how loyal the woman was. She proved it to him even more when General Lane and his daughter questioned both of them. Alex had been ready to be shipped off to Cadmus instead of betraying him.

It was the one thing he couldn't hate Jeremiah for. He gave him a family. A family he swore to protect until his dying breath. He had already given up his powers when Kara almost died at the hands of Byth Rok, a nearly unbeatable Thanagarian. J'onn had brought her to the sun so she could heal. And when they got back on the land, maybe a part of him was relieved to not be able to hear his family's thoughts anymore, all of their pain after Mara's loss, reminding him too much of his own daughters' death.

He wanted to make things right for Alex. He felt responsible for the way she coped Mara's death. While he gave her a job when he saw her fumble her way through life, he also shaped her into a soldier. Helped her canalize her anger and frustration. He gave her the tools to fight back and to survive. He felt as if Alex choosing revenge was on him and he wanted her to have a better life. A life without walls locking her in and a disease killing her slowly. A disease he exposed her to because of the job he gave her.

Alex wasn't a little girl anymore, he knew that. She was a woman that made choices for better and for worse. J'onn was aware that she had killed before in the line of duty and to save his own life. But to him, she was simply his protégé, his daughter. A mother that thought that killing her daughter's murderer was also a part of her duty.

Jeremiah was the first one to nod and smile at Eliza and J'onn could tell it was the same old smile Eliza was used to. The woman once confessed that she hated Jeremiah for ruining her memories, their marriage and the life he had promised her, but that a part of her would always love a part of him. J'onn had held her tighter that day, he too recalling his once upon a time genuine friend that used to be a good father and loving husband.

"Of course, Love. Let's talk.'' Jeremiah answered.

J'onn rolled his eyes at the term of endearment. Of power. All he did was inflicting Eliza more pain. J'onn couldn't wait to get him away from her the second she'd ask him to.

A car rolled into the lot, dust floating in front of the headlights as it stopped. Maggie Sawyer got out of the dark vehicle, glaring at her ex-wife's father.

''Oh, you won't be talking to them, you'll be talking to me.'' she declared.

 

Eliza followed Maggie inside, J'onn guiding Jeremiah into a secluded room at the far end of the warehouse. Their interaction had been brief but the damage was already done. She put up a great facade as usual but her hands were shaking from anger. She would never not be affected by the man she married.

Catching up with her ex-daughter-in-law, Eliza grabbed her by her elbow, pinching the black reefer jacket.

''Maggie, hold up.'' she stopped, squeezing her shoulders.

She recognized the storm in her chocolate eyes, the anger and the desire to let it out. She saw it countless of times in her own daughter's eyes.

''I don't like the idea of you going in there alone with him.'' she admitted, feeling the urge to protect her, knowing the power Jeremiah held.

The brunette softened at that and sighed.

''Well, I don't want _you_ to have to face him any longer that you need to.'' she replied slowly ''You've been protecting us for a long time, Eliza, let me do the same for you now. Or else, I'll think you've been protecting him this whole time.''

Eliza squinted at the ex-detective, knowing the playful words held a hint of questioning. Maggie gave her a small smile and a squeeze of her own.

''Not that I would have blame you. After all, he's here because I want to get my ex-wife out of jail so we can cure her.'' Maggie added with a self-deprecating shrug.

Letting out a sigh, the doctor held Maggie's hand in hers, understanding how conflicted the ex-cop must be.

''I appreciate what you're doing for my daughter, Maggie, but it's not too late to back out if you want to. This is your life.'' Eliza reminded her.

Maggie looked up to her with misty eyes and nodded briefly before hugging the woman tight. Eliza exhaled deeply, holding her close. Oh, the things they were willing to do to be able to hug Alex again.

''You know, when Jeremiah first got back in Alex's life, Kara saw him for what he was, everybody did. But Alex only saw her dad despite everything and I know what it's like to hope that your father will come back to you and tell you that he regrets the things he's done...'' Maggie told her, pulling back from the embrace ''So, I stood by her side and told her we were ride or die.''

Eliza held herself together but couldn't stopped the quaky breath from crossing her mouth, from alternating her heartbeat. Because she had hoped too but had been realistic. She wondered if things would have gone differently if she had stood in front of Jeremiah and reminded him they were team. 

As much as Eliza Danvers believed in her daughters and that everything was possible for them, she had learned that life was unfair and unprejudiced. Trusting had never been easy for her. She was practical and kept things to herself. No wonder she had felt so lonely after Alex and Kara went to college. No wonder, her eldest daughter had been unhappy for so long until Maggie Sawyer came along. She knew she had a role in that. A part of responsibility she still couldn't quite forgive herself yet.

She was adamant on making things right. On giving her daughter her life back. Her freedom. Her wife. Eliza wasn't naive, she knew the life waiting for Alex would be a hard one. She had suffered so much already, Mara's absence still making the hole in their hearts bleed, but they would all welcome her with open arms. With love.

''I might not always agree with the things Alex has done in the past but I'll always stand by her side. She'll always be my ride or die.'' Maggie finished solemnly.

Eliza nodded, pushing Maggie's hair behind her ear before pulling her into another hug.

''Nobody could love her the way you do. I can't thank you enough for loving her, for making her happy. You're an incredibly strong woman, Maggie. An amazing wife and even better mother. Despite everything, you can be proud of who you are.'' Eliza told her with a trembling voice ''I am proud of you, sweetie.''

Maggie chuckled through the tears before stepping back and wiping them. She looked around the room, grateful that Vasquez was still focus on her computer, James hovering her while Winn and Lena were quietly exchanging drawing, mumbling to themselves, lost in their own world.

''Never thought I'd hear that while I'm planning a prison break.'' Maggie commented with a sly grin.

Eliza shook her head, laughing softly. She caught J'onn from the corner of her eyes and knew that Jeremiah was set up in the room. She lost count of how many times she had to let Kara and Alex head first into danger with the only hope they'd come to her in one piece but a hundred scars. 

Now was the time to let Maggie go.

 

Maggie opened the heavy door causing J'onn to look away from the window. Jeremiah was on the other side of the glass, looking around himself, taking in the details of the room. Maggie noticed the lack of contention, but knew it was useless to even try to tie his cybernetic arm.

''How is she doing?'' J'onn asked softly.

Maggie shrugged at that, leaning her hip against the wall, her eyes not able to look away from the man that tormented her ex-wife for the major part of her life.

''More shaking up than she let on, but she's strong that one.'' she answered. ''How is _he_ doing?''

J'onn sighed and shook his head. Maggie took off her jacket and threw it on the desk near her.

''He's being a bit cocky with me but I can tell he's worried. He knows we wouldn't have contacted him unless something was really wrong.''

Maggie frowned at the information, satisfied that the man at least seemed to care. She wasn't naive though, she knew what the man was capable of and somehow managed to justify himself for the things he's done. 

''Okay, I'll take it from here. You should go join Eliza and maybe get some rest after she and Lena finishes up.'' Maggie adviced him, knowing the doctor had worked hard with Winn and Lena the last few days.

''I should stay here. I don't want to leave you alone with him.'' J'onn argued, crossing his arms over his chest.

Maggie smiled softly at his protectiveness and came to reply but Supergirl appeared in the threshold.

''It's okay, J'onn. I got this. Take Eliza home.'' the blonde told him gravely, her stance similar to his.

The man hesitated at that but he could tell that Kara wouldn't budge. Maggie nodded at him reassuringly and J'onn sighed, hugging both women before leaving the room, closing the door behind them.

Maggie turned toward the superhero as Kara unclasped the cape off her shoulders. The dark red cape was now folded neatly, her owner putting it down on the desk beside her. The blonde eyed Jeremiah through the window and gulped as their eyes met. Kara reached up as if to play with her glasses before realizing she didn't have them.

''Stay here, okay?'' Maggie says softly, squeezing Kara's shoulder ''Barge in only if you have to.''

Kara nodded, stroking her ex-sister-in-law's hand.

''Are you ready?'' she replies.

''As I'll ever be.''

 

Maggie closed the door behind her, recalling doing the same action over and over again back when she was a detective for the NCPD. It seemed like it was a lifetime ago. 

She trailed the chair not far from the door and sat down on it. A part of her wanted to pace around the room, but to have a conversation with Jeremiah Danvers, she knew she had to be in control and to stay calm just like him. He couldn't be perceived as a threat for now.

The man followed her every move before his eyes looked past her to study Kara. Maggie tightened her jaw, seeing the uncomfort in the blonde's stance despite her best to not show it.

''Do you still wear the glasses?'' he asked so softly that if Kara didn't have superhearing, Maggie was sure she wouldn't have heard him.

The superhero looked at her uncertain and while Maggie didn't like the man addressing to her, perhaps giving him this one information would encourage him to help them. She nodded slightly and Kara imitated her, answering Jeremiah's question.

''I'm glad.'' he replied

Maggie kept studying him, wondering if he was sincere. If through the years of being a fugitive after betraying his family, he had regrets and sought redemption. After all, they all were.

''Now that she answered your question, I'd appreciate it if you'd talk to me and only me.'' Maggie voiced out calmly.

Jeremiah shifted his gaze to look at her and Maggie did her best to not react at the familiarity of his brown eyes. The same color of whiskey, the same color as Alex's. The man half-snickered at her.

''With Alex in jail, do I need to understand that you're the protector of this family now?'' he questioned.

Maggie remained impassible, looking at her ex-father-in-law. His hair was long and dirty, his beard smeared with gray spots. She wondered where he was the last few years and what he has been doing. He looked tired and old.

''We all protect each other, Mr. Danvers.'' Maggie retorted ''I have something to talk to you about and I don't want you to _distract_ us from that goal.''

Jeremiah grinned this time and nodded a few times.

''I wasn't sure about you the first time we met, but I gotta say you are the perfect match for my Alex.'' the man told her.

Maggie refrained herself from rolling her eyes. She had been so nervous that day, meeting Alex's dad. The grand Jeremiah Danvers, her then girlfriend's fallen hero. Now, she couldn't care less of what he thought of her that day, recalling his distasteful statement that no men deserves Alex, so _of course_ , she'd go for someone like her. She had found it weird, but it wasn't the first time parents were awkward and didn't necessarily say the right thing. 

She certainly didn't like Jeremiah claiming her ex-wife as _his_ Alex.

''Hmm and you still betrayed her barely a day later.'' Maggie commented ''We haven't really had the chance to chat then but let's do it now.''

Jeremiah's jaw tightened at that, taking a deep breath. Maggie noted how imposing he was and recalled that his strength had been heightened all those years ago. She wondered if that was still the case or if the technology had dampened through the years, due to his age.

''Trust me, it's not something I wanted to do. But I had to. Every time, I ran away from Cadmus, they'd find me and torture me. Eventually they got so tired, they hired people to track my family down.'' Jeremiah explained ''I'd do everything I did again if it meant my wife and my daughters were safe. I know fine well what it cost me, Maggie.''

She frowned at the use of her name. It felt foreign in her ears but familiar in his mouth as if it wasn't the first time he said it. His words made her pause and think, she didn't want to excuse everything he did, but she could understand where he was coming from.

''I was there on your wedding day, you know?'' Jeremiah added with a nostalgic smile ''I wouldn't have missed my daughter's wedding for anything in the world. J'onn walked her down the aisle...''

His tone was bitter and regretful but his smile betrayed the sentiment. He wished he had been there but was happy that Alex had someone for her that day. It pissed Maggie off.

''It wasn't too late for you. Alex was ready to forgive you for everything.'' Maggie started, bending toward him ''She wanted _you_ to walk her down the aisle, but you weren't there. J'onn has always been there for Alex, he has been the father figure she needed. What did you do?! Asked her to shoot you!''

Maggie finally stood up, not able to stay in the damn chair anymore. She briefly signaled Kara that she was fine before walking the length of the room to calm herself down.

''Alex was the most important thing in my life!'' Jeremiah roared ''I loved her more than all the work I've ever done, more than my wife! We spent her entire childhood together and then, Clark showed up with Kara. I knew our priorities had shifted and that our lives had changed...''

The man paused to lick his lips, pushing his hair back. Maggie caught from the corner of her eyes Kara move behind the window.

''I always did my best to be there for her still. When the DEO showed up, I didn't hesitate to join them to protect my family. I knew then that someday, there would be a reckoning for my actions. Things only got worse from there when Cadmus found me alive. Trust me, I wish I would have died that day. At least, Alex and Eliza would only have good memories of me.'' Jeremiah told her, closing his eyes briefly. ''I shouldn't have put Alex in that position. I shouldn't have asked her to shoot me or let me go. It was selfish, but a part of me wanted her to do it.''

Maggie scoffed and shook her head. She had to resist the urge of throwing the chair at him.

''You're a coward! You couldn't figure out a way out of this, so you hurt your daughter who just wanted you home and put your life in her hands! You knew she wouldn't be able to do it! Stop trying to justify yourself!'' she replied curtly.

It was Jeremiah's turn to stand up but he didn't move far, Kara bursting into the room in front of Maggie.

''I wouldn't hurt her, Kara. I know that of all the things I could do, this, Alex would never forgive me.'' the man clarified.

''How considerate.'' Kara muttered between her clenched teeth.

Maggie sighed and patted the superhero's shoulder. The blonde took a few steps to the left but kept eyeing her adoptive father.

''Jeremiah, I know that you love Alex.'' Maggie started again ''I know that in your own twisted way, you did what you thought you had to do to keep your family safe. Well right now, I need your help. Alex does.''

The man's shoulders sagged at that, sitting back on the chair.

''I'm listening.''

Kara stepped back and leaned against the wall, still glaring at Jeremiah while Maggie moved, to sit back in front of him.

''Alex is sick. Her body is radiating with Kryptonite.'' Maggie announced him quickly.

Jeremiah's eyes shifted between the women before he inhaled loudly, letting his face fall in his hands. He took a moment to digest the news before lifting his head up. Maggie studied his reaction.

''You don't seem surprised.'' she noticed.

The man shook his head, his gaze fixating on the glass in front of him.

''When Eliza and I first helped Clark with his powers, with the knowledge of Krypton and the different types of Kryptonite, we knew how devastative it was. How in the future, it could affect people like cancer.'' Jeremiah recalled, seeming a little lost in his thoughts.

''You didn't think on a way to deal with the counteract?'' Kara chimed in.

Jeremiah chuckled drily and shrugged.

''For Kryptonian, it was fairly easy. Red sun lights or even blue Kryptonite. But for humans, Eliza and I wanted to look into a treatment, but like I said, our priorities shifted.'' he replied, looking at his adopted daughter.

Maggie cleared her throat, drawing his attention back to her.

''Well, we found a solution, Mr. Danvers. It's drastic and quite painful, but your body endured a lot.'' Maggie told him. ''We think you could survive this and be able to help Alex.''

Jeremiah squinted at her, curious, drumming his fingers on his knees.

''We're building a machine.'' Kara informed ''Once you're in it, it will burn your skin so it can welcome a nanosuit that will give you the ability to absorb Kryptonite. You will heal and so will Alex.''

The Danvers patriarch stayed silent for a moment, his mind probably thinking about the probability of this working.

''And when would this happen?'' he questioned calmly.

Maggie inhaled deeply, haven't expected him to be on board with this.

''As soon as the machine is ready. It's a matter of days. Next week, I'm getting Alex out of jail and away from the city.'' Maggie answered.

Jeremiah lifted an eyebrow at that, surprised with how far they were willing to go.

''Does Alex know I'm here? That you're doing this?'' he suddenly asked.

Maggie and Kara exchanged glances, causing Jeremiah to laugh shortly.

''I don't think ambushing Alex is the greatest idea.'' he mused.

Kara sighed and rolled her eyes as Maggie looked down on the floor.

''Yeah, well, I'll deal with her, Mr. Danvers. Are you willing to do it or not?'' Maggie retorted.

Jeremiah looked at them both and sighed.

''I always did what I had to do to ensure Alex's safety, that haven't changed.'' he answered ''I can only hope that after all of this, my daughter knows that I love her.''

''That's your problem, sir, not mine.'' Maggie replied through her teeth, recalling all the nights she held Alex in her arms because of her father.

She came to leave, standing up, but Jeremiah grabbed her wrist. Maggie was shocked by his strength, trying to pull away but failed just as Kara pushed her adoptive father into the wall behind him.

''Alex has gone to extreme measures to prove her love, to avenge your own daughter's death and here you are still willing to help her!'' he thundered, choosing to not fight Kara.

The superhero pushed him again, the cement cracking further beneath him, dust falling down on them. Maggie stood back despite wanting to get Kara away from him. She hated him for mentioning Mara.

''Do not use Alex like that.'' Kara growled in his face. ''What she did had nothing to do with your terrorist act!''

Jeremiah groaned, frustrated but still didn't try to escape her. Maggie slowly approached the duo and put her hand at the small of Kara's back. Her ex-sister-in-law relaxed slightly, letting Jeremiah go. The man let himself fall, sitting on the ground, breathing heavily.

''I'm not a child, Mr. Danvers. I'm not unbeknownst to the things the Danvers are willing to do.'' she said somewhat calmly despite the thunderstorm beneath her skin ''Guess what, I used to be a Danvers for over a decade. I'm willing to do a lot of things as well.''

Jeremiah took her by surprise, starting to laugh. Maggie couldn't size the man. Clearly, he knew the things he did were wrong but he didn't seem to regret them. It actually felt as if he didn't understand why he couldn't be forgiven.

''You're willing to do a lot of things?'' he repeated with a snicker ''I'm willing to be burnt alive to save my daughter. What have you done for yours? What have you done for Mara?''

Maggie knew she should ignore the taunt, but she couldn't help herself. _I'm human after all_ , she thought as she jumped on him or at least tried to. Kara stopped her punches, circling her waist.

''You have no right to say her name! You didn't know her!'' Maggie yelled, trying desperately to get past the woman of steel.

''I didn't know her personally but I know more about her physiology than you ever did!'' he declared, pointing at her. ''You gave up on her too quickly, you didn't even know what she was!''

Maggie wasn't sure if Kara simply let her do it, but she managed to land a punch on the man's jaw and a kick in his stomach before she was stopped again by the superhero.

''I didn't give up on her, she died.'' Maggie cried heavily ''I would have done anything to bring her back just like I'm doing everything I can to bring Alex back. You have no right...''

''What if I told you there was a way to bring her back?'' Jeremiah suggested softly.

Maggie froze, her heart stopped beating and for a second, she wondered if she had just blackout. She fumbled on her feet as Kara let her go so she could turn around to face Jeremiah.

''Shut up! Stop feeding us lies! You want to help us? You want to help Alex? Fine! Don't expect gratitude or for us to welcome you with open arms. We did that once and we won't do it again!'' Kara roared ''In the meantime, you won't talk to us about anything else and you won't mention my niece! We won't believe you anyway.'' she didn't give him the time to answer before she knocked him out. 

Maggie still hadn't moved, her eyes focusing on a crack in the cement. It was small but for a moment, she felt as if she could fall in it, fall into a pit of darkness. She would let herself fall in it if it meant that somewhere along the way, Mara's light would appear. She was aware she couldn't fall into that rabbit hole again, but god it was tempting. Kara gently shook her shoulders and Maggie met her panicking blue eyes.

''Maggie?! You know he's lying, don't you?'' Kara told her.

The woman nodded slowly, feeling herself coming back to reality. She grasped the chain around her neck as a reminder of the one person she could save.

''I know, I know. Let's lock him up and get out of there.'' Maggie announced, forcing herself to push her daughter in the corner of her mind, of her heart.

 _She would want me to save her mother_ , she thought. It's what she would do.

 

Maggie got out of the room with a sigh half an hour after Kara left the warehouse. Lena didn't know if she was more tired or fired up. The woman pushed the sleeves of her dark Henley up to her elbows and walked toward the main table. Joining Lena, she sat down loudly and raised her foot to rest them on a chair.

''Where is everyone?'' she asked, eyeing the pizza on the table.

She bent to grab a piece with a grumble and sat back down. Lena caught her wincing and wondered if Maggie's back pain was simply due to her age.

''Winn went home before getting into trouble with Zola.'' Lena informed slowly ''Vasquez and Lucy are going to Patty's and I think and James is taking care of Mack.''. 

Lena took a second, closing her eyes. Her sight was getting blurry, having focused on Dr. Groll's messy writing for way too long.

''Kara is flying around and Mom and dad went to your apartment to get a night a sleep.'' she added. 

Maggie snorted at the nickname and gently bumped her elbow into Lena's.

''Hey, take a break Little Luthor, don't fry your brain.'' she told her, lifting her chin with her finger.

Lena exhaled deeply and leaned back against the chair. Reaching up, she undid her ponytail, coursing her fingers through the dark locks. Maybe she should have left earlier as well.

''How are you doing, Lena? How is Kara doing?'' Maggie asked carefully.

The woman's eyes landed on the table, focusing on it adamantly. Her lips were pursed, showing signs of frustration and helplessness.

''Your guess is as good as mine.'' she finally answers ''Kara hasn't been herself for years, Maggie, you know that. It took a while before Supergirl came back and when she did, she was different. She always blamed herself for Mara's death.''

Lena briefly looked up at the pain in Maggie's eyes like it always did at the mention of her daughter's name. She inhaled, holding her breath in for a few seconds.

''I don't know how many nights I had to talk to her out of getting Alex out of jail.'' Lena confided, taking Maggie by surprise ''She used to say that without Alex's faith in Supergirl, she couldn't do this.'' 

Lena sighed, recalling Kara crying in her arms, telling her what had happened at the hospital with her sister. Lena had been angry, but it wasn't her place to say anything. Alex was hurt and for a while, her words would be collateral damage. It was inevitable. All she could do was comfort Kara as best as she could.

''I know that Alex said some things to her, but she didn't mean them. It doesn't erase the pain, but Kara has to know that her sister loves her. Always.'' Maggie told Lena.

The CEO nodded quickly and wiped a non-existent tear.

''I know. Trust me, I do. But nights after nights, I hold Kara in our bed but in the morning, she always leaves. Alex asked me to take care of her but I failed her, Maggie.'' Lena cried out, unbuttoning her shirt to breathe.

Maggie leaned forward, grabbing her friend's hand. Lena resisted the urge to pull away, but frankly she needed a friend right now. Kara used to be her best friend, still was, but it was their relationship that was blurry, uncertain.

''You didn't. You didn't, Lena. You have no idea how good you are with her. You're the reason, Kara always come back.'' Maggie assured her.

Lena held her breath to stop herself from crying further. Now was not the time to lose it. She had to get her emotions back in check. She was used to it, ever since she was a kid and lived in a house where she wasn't loved. 

Maggie was looking at her worriedly. Lena guessed Maggie was used to keep up a facade too. Not anymore, but back when the CEO first met the woman it was in the line of her duty. She had arrested her and thankfully, later, they got to know each other through the Danvers sisters. 

Lena had noticed that Maggie was reserved, like she was. She attributed to a harsh childhood and a necessity to survive the job. From what she heard, the woman started in Gotham city. She probably learned to put a mask then, like those vigilantes. 

It came with a price though. Always. Because no matter how strong you pretended to be, the mask was still a mask. God, did she know it.

Kara wore her glasses like they were the embodiment of her identity, like her cape on her Supergirl's suit. She once confessed that the glasses were the first thing that made Kara feel like she belonged in the Danvers family. That Jeremiah's gift was a token proof that people on this earth cared about her and her well-being.

Now, she held on to the glasses as if someone would rip them away from her, would take off her Danvers name. Kara used to be in the middle of family's gathering and while she still showed up, she most of the times stood afar, ready to fly out of the window at any given moment.

Lena was sad that the woman couldn't just _be_. Never satisfied of who she was. Kara needed to do something, always. Hating the silence, hating the immobility. She wondered if it was because of her past, of being trapped for two decades in space. 

And the moment, Mara Danvers died, it was as if Kara Danvers died as well.The superhero had been through a lot in the past. Had fought many foes, had lost many loved ones. But the death of her niece and the guilt she felt had overcame her.

Kara always said that the journalist was a disguise and the hero who she was meant to be, but Lena never understood why she had to separate her identities. Lena loved Kara Danvers Zor-El with all her might. She only wished Kara would love herself just as much.

''Have you guys talked about your situation?'' Maggie asked slowly, hoping to not offend her friend.

Lena scoffed and shook her head. How come the second Maggie had suggested to build a dangerous machine she had said yes and yet, whenever Kara was actually home, she never dared to confront her. It wasn't like her.

''We are roommates. We share the same bed. We even had sex a couple of times, but we never talk about it.'' Lena confessed, her Irish accent rolling with the words ''I'm practically a genius and I can't even tell if I'm in a relationship.''

Maggie chuckled softly, going back to her slice of pizza, opening a bottle of water. Lena couldn't even glare at her, joining her laugh to hers. She didn't recall the last time she laughed. It felt good, finding something ridiculous in the seriousness of it all.

Sure, it was hard at time, to live with Kara and having her leave all the time. But she wouldn't exchange all their moments together for anything in the world. Maybe she should gather her courage to talk to Kara. Really talk to her this time. She knew the woman was worth it.

''Our lives is a mess, detective.'' Lena said, using the old nickname that never changed with the years ''But as long as we face it together, I don't really care about the semantics.''

Maggie grabbed her bottle and looked at the water. Lena caught a dark shadow in her pupils and figured the woman was nostalgic of the time she could hold and drink a beer or perhaps she was thinking of her own complicated relationship with Alex.

''Amen.'' Maggie declared.

Lena joined her own Kale juice drink, clinking their beverage together.

''Amen.''

 

**_Kara, my sweet little sister. I apologize for not writing these words sooner. All those talks on the phone and I missed the opportunity to tell you this. I'm sorry. I know you've been torturing yourself over this for way too long. There's nothing to forgive, but I forgive you. I was so angry, so lost and in pain, it doesn't excuse myself but I lashed out at you, making you believe you were to blame for Mara's death. I don't blame you, Kara. All this time, I was the one blaming myself. I failed to protect you, my little sister, from myself and I failed to protect my little girl. In the end, I didn't avenge her, I caused more pain and broke the family. I can't thank you enough for being there for Maggie and for me, still. The world will always need Supergirl, but I'll always need my sister._ **

**_With all my love, Alex._ **

Kara folded the paper again before her tears could mess with the ink. She slipped it carefully in the waist of her suit, feeling her cape fly behind her due to the wind. She was sitting down on the top of the building facing Maggie's apartment, her feet dangling in the void. She wondered what it would feel like to fall without feeling the urge to fly. Flying sometimes felt like cheating.

She hated feeling this way. Flying has always been her favorite thing, for as long as she could remember, from that first night she shared her pleasure with Alex. That ride had at first brought them closer until the inevitable happened. She couldn't trust humans, couldn't trust to be herself. 

It had been a struggle her whole life. Not just that, of course. A lot of things. Belonging. Feeling guilty for missing her home planet, her family.

All the years of being Supergirl, all the rough times and the failures, she had asked herself; Who would save me? It used to be Alex. Always. Her big sister had always been her back up and they protected each other every day. 

Then her life changed when she Maggie got back together and decided to adopt Mara. It had been an adjustment, losing her partner in crime like that. To have Alex have other priorities, other people to protect. But she was so proud of her. For making her dreams come true. There was a time, it seemed impossible. Alex always focusing on work and on her, but it had happened and Kara wondered if it could happen to her too.

And then, Lena Luthor came into her life. Well, she had been there for quite a while and their friendship hadn't always been easy, but they were there for each other when it mattered. Slowly, Kara had realized that coming home to Lena, to their loft, was how she was saved every day. From people's cries in the street. From the car wrecks she couldn't stopped. From the lives she couldn't save.

Lena had been her rock for years. It had scared her and it still did. How come she could face an alien twice her size but couldn't face Lena and the truth? Why couldn't she be brave in her life? She knew why. She couldn't afford to lose her. Not after losing Mara, losing Alex. She couldn't do it. She wasn't strong anymore. She was tired. She just wanted to get into bed with Lena, being held by her and never fly out of the window for an emergency ever again.

But she couldn't do that. She couldn't be selfish. She couldn't let her guard down. The last time she did, it cost the life of her niece and she wouldn't let that happen again.

Kara sighed, thinking back of Alex's letter, of her words. Her forgiveness and her love. Her heavy heart suddenly seemed lighter as if it was flying on its own. She started to laugh and to cry, the sound getting lost in the wind and the city's noises.

She focused on the apartment in front of her, blocking the rest of the street. She heard Eliza and J'onn talk, their conversation reaching her ear.

_''I still wished I could get into that machine so we wouldn't have to deal with Jeremiah.'' J'onn said._

Eliza sighed and Kara heard her moving around.

_''I know, but we couldn't risk it, J'onn. Besides, you sacrificed enough. Who you are, your powers,  your culture...M'gann.'' Eliza replied softly._

Kara frowned at her adoptive mom's words. It didn't sound like insecurity, but empathy. The superhero still remembered the day, J'onn said goodbye to M'gann for good when she came back after Mara's funerals, asking him to move in with her on Mars.

_''I don't regret my choices, Eliza. My DNA doesn't make me who I am. This family does. The girls, the boys and you.''_

Kara wiped her tears and smiled. She guessed that the fact that J'onn was over 300 years old made him much wiser than her. She winced when she heard J'onn and Eliza kiss and shuddered as if it could erase the sounds of her mind.

Her hand trailed the piece of paper tucked in her belt. She sighed, wishing she could burst into Alex's cell and lay down with her like they used to do back in Midvale when they were kids. Instead, she let herself walk off the edge, letting her instincts take over and flew the short distance until she entered Maggie's slightly opened window.

She landed silently before sitting on the bed. Due to her weight, her ex-sister-in-law woke up and thankfully didn't reach for her gun in the drawer of her nightstand.

''Kara?'' Maggie mumbled, sitting up the bedhead ''Are you okay?''

The superhero sighed, tears starting to fall down again. Maggie was quick to scooch closer, holding her and shushing.

''Hey, hey, what's wrong?'' Maggie whispered, almost rocking her.

''Alex sent me a letter.'' Kara told her through muffled cries ''I'm so scared I'll never get to hold my sister again, Maggie.''

She felt Maggie freeze for a second before the woman held her tighter, knowing it wouldn't hurt Kara.

''You will, Little Danvers, you will. I promise you.'' Maggie declared, encouraging Kara to lay down beside her. ''Come here, let's get some sleep.''

Kara nodded pitifully, putting her head on Maggie's shoulder. The woman rubbed circles on her arm, trying to get to sleep.

''Maggie?'' she whispered in the dark ''Have you thought about what Jeremiah said? About Mara?''

The woman didn't move and didn't breathe. She nodded slowly and Kara sighed.

''He's probably lying, but if you want, I could ask Clark to talk with his friend Zatanna or even better, I could give a call to my friend Sara. She knows John Constantine and he's the best at what he does, with the supernatural.'' Kara offered.

Maggie sniffled and accepted quietly, squeezing Kara's hand.

''You really think she's out there somewhere within our reach?'' she asked ''She died in front of my eyes, Kara.'''

Kara felt her throat constricted at her words.

''I know, but it's worth a try, don't you think.''

Maggie exhaled deeply and nodded again, going back to stroking Kara's arms. The superhero tried to go to sleep, but she was restless, feeling something she hadn't felt in a long time. Hope.

''Is there something else on your mind?'' the ex-cop asked softly.

Kara wanted to scoff. Her mind hadn't shut off in years. A beautiful face came to mind.

''I think I'm in love with Lena.'' she confessed.

She wanted to be offended when she felt Maggie shake with laughter, but she was too tired to even glare at her. That would be dangerous, she could melt her face by accident.

''Of course you are, kid.'' Maggie simply replied before they both fell asleep, dreaming of the day Alex would come home to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of J'onn, Jeremiah and my take on Supercorp? Would love to know your thoughts on anything really :)x you guys are the best.  
> Up next: Prison break

**Author's Note:**

> #SanversEndgame  
> You can come talk to me on Tumbrl with the same username :)


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